Hands On a Hard Body

Everyone knows a guy like director S.R. Bindler. He's the completely deadpan, equally obnoxious and hilarious wise-ass who loves to mock stupid people to their face without their realizing it. Hands On a Hard Body is what happens when he learns how to work a movie camera.

Bindler, who never lets on he's poking fun (but he's got to be), takes his crew down to Texas, where he films a Nissan dealership's "Hands on a Hard Body" contest. The premise is beautifully ridiculous: contestants must stand up straight and keep at least one hand on a new pick-up truck. The last person to collapse wins the truck -- and for these people, there is nothing as important as owning that truck. One woman believes God is on her side; she laughs hysterically to religious music the whole time. Another has two teeth and is convinced everyone, including herself, is cheating. An ex-Marine believes his military training will give him the edge.

The funniest of all (unintentionally) is Benny, whom everyone hates because he won the contest once before (in 87 hours). Kind of the wise old man of the bunch, Benny reasons, "It's like a movie that I saw. It's called Highlander. And at the end, there can only be one." At the Avon Friday and Saturday, June 11 and 12, at midnight.
-- Mark Bazer