John Carpenter's Vampires

There's probably nothing in it, but with this film and the upcoming Elizabeth, anti-papism and priest-bashing seem on the cinematic rise. By far the biggest offender is Vampires, whose targets range from the mightily mitered to a monastery full of squealing friars. Throw in a wearisome misogyny, witless dialogue, an inane plot, tedious special effects, and a total lack of suspense and the only reason to watch this farrago from the overrated horrormeister is the occasional wisecrack from James Woods. At the Harbour Mall, Holiday, Showcase, Tri-Boro, and Woonsocket cinemas.

-- Peter Keough