Firestorm

And this year's nominees for the silliest scene of the year are . . . all from the same movie! Howie Long, yes, the former Oakland Raider and current co-host of Fox NFL Sunday, fumbles about as Jesse, the chief of an elite smokejumping team that parachutes into the deadliest of forest fires. When he comes to the rescue of pretty ornithologist Jennifer (Suzy Amis) and two bird's eggs she's protecting in a case, he casually notes their genus and species name, revealing himself to be an avid birdwatcher in his spare time. But Jennifer is even more impressed when Jesse, speeding away in a motorboat, hucks an ax into the back of an arsonist villain. Too bad she didn't see when Jesse escapes from a locked, inflamed shed by conveniently finding a motorcycle in the corner. Fashioning a ramp out a piece of wood, he propels himself through the roof only milliseconds before the shed explodes. An eternity later, when all the fires are put out, and all the bad guys are dead, Jesse and Jennifer open up the case to check on the bird's eggs. Heavens to Betsy, they're not there! In their place are two cute little baby birds. Aaah, life goes on. And so does the crap -- after his turn as a bad guy in Broken Arrow, Howie inked a three-picture deal with -- you guessed it -- Fox. At the Harbour Mall, Holiday, Lincoln Mall, Showcase, Tri-Boro, and Woonsocket cinemas.

-- Mark Bazer