What's the Worst That Could Happen?

Based on the novel by Donald E. Westlake (who wrote the great Lee Marvin crime noir Point Blank and scripted The Grifters) and directed by Newton native Sam Weisman (George of the Jungle and TV's Family Ties), this caper romp pits a fast-talking cat burglar (Martin Lawrence) against a ruthless Boston billionaire (Danny DeVito). Lawrence robs DeVito's Marblehead mansion, but DeVito strikes back by stealing a sentimental ring right off Lawrence's finger. Somewhere along the way, the question of the film's title gets answered when Lawrence's girlfriend (Carmen Ejogo) describes the tedious tit-for-tat game of one-upmanship as a "juvenile dick-measuring contest."

Things never rise above that sophomoric level, and most of the rancorous attempts at comedy tank. Throw in the curdling image of our fair city as nothing more than a series of manicured brick sidewalks, mansions by the sea, and a cheesy neon nightspot called "Jacks" where all the "nonwhite" folk go and it can't get much worse. Only William Fichtner as the foppish cop with farting miniature poodles and John Leguizamo as Lawrence's toothy sidekick score in this misfire of outlandishness. At the Apple Valley, Entertainment, Flagship, Holiday, Hoyts Providence 16, Showcase, and Tri-Boro cinemas.
-- Tom Meek