The real deal Providence has more than its share of places for irony-free fun By Alex Provan
	Rookies' Guide 2003 Getting out and about Small in size, Rhode Island is rich in places to play outdoors By Nicole Dionne Dig this A hipster’s guide to Providence By Jessica Grose The real deal Providence has more than its share of places for irony-free fun By Alex Provan Outside Providence A bevy of culinary and cultural viastas beckons beyond the capital BY Johnette Rodriguez

Irony is one of those words that has become so pervasive it has practically lost its meaning or, at least, its poignancy. Socrates "discovered" irony. Kierkegaard continued to plumb it. But it was not until the 20th-century that irony gained popular acclaim as a preeminent representative of postmodern attitude, a communal dishrag. That contemporary breed of irony, the one in need of laundering, is best described as a perspective that becomes an enveloping mode of living.

We’ve been told we face a world that confronts us with infinite nothingness, an existential void, the subjective nature of reality. There was talk that 9/11 would mark the end of irony. But irony — it is marked by an incongruity between what is expected and what occurs — escaped barely scathed. Nonetheless, there are many ways to have simple fun without arching an eyebrow or having tongue planted firmly in cheek. When you get tired of being hip, when your desire to be clever wanes, Providence offers a host of things that are genuinely easy to enjoy, and easy to enjoy genuinely.

IMBIBING

Muldowney’s Pub

103 Empire St., Providence, (401) 831-6202

This pub, which is Irish mostly in name, serves cheap drafts every night and offers a comfortable and, thanks to its clientele, often colorful atmosphere. On Saturday nights, however, Muldowney’s becomes much more than a bar. Karaoke night is a serious event. You won’t find hordes of college kids drunk off their gourds singing ’80s hits with a smirk and a wink. You will find a friendly cadre of dedicated karaoke enthusiasts letting loose with unsightly haircuts and angelic voices, flannel shirts, and striking stage presence. One tiny, awe-inspiring man sings Sam Cooke every week. Before him, a burly man with a moustache, long blonde hair, and a Kiss T-shirt once sang Diana Ross. My friend, a rookie, exclaimed: "They’re not even being ironic. Not even a little bit!"

A couple of months ago, the bartender, a solid, gracious woman with an amazing mullet, grabbed two brawling men by the hair and said, "Not in my bar, buddies!" They cooled off and she poured them each a cold one on the house. This place has yet to be invaded by gawkers, so if you go, expect to sing or at least to buy enough beer to make singing physically impossible. Muldowney’s is also a great place to check out between bands at AS220.

Lili Marlene’s

422 Atwells Ave., Providence, (401) 751-4996

This Federal Hill newcomer follows in the fine tradition of naming your bar after a German WWI poem later turned into a popular WWII song, evoking the scene of a soldier remembering his lover as he leaves her for the barracks. In 1981, Fassbinder directed a movie of the same name, featuring a female protagonist who sings "Lili Marlene" to German soldiers and becomes a Nazi object of fetishistic desire, all while having a covert affair with a Jewish conductor whose family is smuggling Jews out of the country. Lili Marlene’s, which features a casually elegant interior and an appealing short menu, maintains this degree of mystery with virtually no exterior markings. Full of character, yet lacking pretense, Lili Marlene’s is the perfect place to come home to after a long war or just a long day at work.

The Wild Colonial

250 South Water St., Providence, (401) 621-5644

A Providence mainstay with a convivial vibe. The atmosphere is somewhat cavernous, which may have to do with how the bar closely resembles a well-stocked grotto, an old stone interior with pool, darts, and a solid selection of good beer, wine, liquor, and sandwiches. It feels spacious, but often fills up, particularly during the bimonthly Sunday night pub quiz. Large groups can pull tables together for an Arthurian banquet feel.

Safari Lounge

103 Eddy St., (between Westminster and Weybosset), Providence, (401) 272-3823

The de rigueur bar for Providence’s tastefully tarnished. The Safari is decidedly unfashionable, dingy, bare-walled, and generally sullen, making it weirdly romantic in a melancholy, searching-for-lost-time sort of way. Local luminaries Lightning Bolt and Olneyville Sound System have graced the six-inch stage, along with numerous others. Despite practically non-existent lighting, you can sometimes make out local bands playing, people spinning records, even dancing on occasion. Jimmy, the affable owner, can usually be found leaning against a corner wearing a hat with a feather, a leather vest, and smoking a giant pipe.

DIGESTING

Louis Restaurant

286 Brook St., Providence, (401) 861-5225

You might think there’s irony lurking in a dirt-cheap, infinitely simple diner populated by a combination of Brown and RISD students, working class types, and hip young people who fall somewhere in between. Despite the old-fashioned diner relics, preschool-caliber art, and walls covered with collages of friends and longtime patrons, you would be wrong. This is the best cheap diner fare on the East Side, and the only place to come for your lunch break or after rolling out of bed with alcohol on your breath and pumpkin pancakes on your mind. Try spotting the awkward couples with murky heads, making the ill-conceived decision to prolong a tryst into the brunch hour.

Nick’s on Broadway

259 Broadway, Providence, (401) 421-0286

For more high-toned brunch fare, or a kinder hangover remedy, check out Nick’s on the West Side. Nick’s is far more subtle, and if you value food over décor, far more reliable than some other destinations, though it won’t be able to satisfy the 11 a.m. craving for a Bloody Mary or mimosa. Nick’s has also been known to have a prix fix French dinner.

Taste of India

230 Wickenden St., Providence, (401) 421-4355

Not Just Snacks

833-835 Hope St., Providence, (401) 831-1150

Taste of India has some of the best reasonably priced Indian food on the East Side. The same goes for Not Just Snacks. Taste of India is BYOB, it has a large party room, and it’s far more casual than India, its main competitor in cuisine and name. Not Just Snacks is smaller and more sparse, with half a dozen tables and a take-out counter serving a rotating menu of simple but solid Indian fare. It also offers appetizers by the pound, and packaged deserts, a perfect copout for potlucks and dinner parties.

Philippe’s

280 Thayer St., Providence, (401) 331-1100

Thayer Street is no haven for fine dining, and it’s cheaper, faster options don’t always offer much of an alternative. Philippe’s is the exception, offering the best pizza and falafel on Thayer, with limited outdoor seating during the summer.

Wes’ Rib House

38 Dike St., Providence, (401) 421-9090

Close late, die young? Oddly, Wes’s comes recommended by my friend Jon, who must have had a delightfully terrifying experience there. Jon is a vegetarian, you see, and Wes’s is perhaps Rhode Island’s largest and most dedicated supporter of the American meat industry. The only meatless item on the menu is coleslaw, available only as a side to a meat dish; the BBQ beans and cornbread are likely infused with hints of beef; the "salad" is a whole breast of chicken on a sparse bed of greens. Though Wes’s faux Western décor is a little kitschy, it fits the menu well. It also bears a striking resemblance to Porky’s strip club, from the movie of the same name. Knowing this, it’s hard not to imagine dancers performing lewd acts with soon-to-be-butchered cows. Alternatively refreshing and terrifying.

Maximilian’s

1074 Hope St., Providence, (401) 273-7230

Apparently, this place has sandwiches. But why? It makes little sense to eat anything else here after you’ve tried the ice cream. Thirty-four flavors rotate on the menu, and each has a very high percentage of butterfat. Ridiculous. The idyllic location demands a walk down nearby Blackstone Boulevard’s lustrous green parkway. A late summer day, ice cream in hand, under the shade of a leafy canopy — life is wicked awesome.

Reflections Café

468 Wickenden St., Providence, (401) 273-7278

Reflections offers a friendly, safe environment for the Providence LGBT community and connoisseurs of espresso and pastry alike. Pretty faces without pretense.

LISTENING AND MOVING

Unofficial spaces

A few years back, the denizens of a mill complex in Providence’s Eagle Square found themselves under the gun when the site was targeted for the development of a shopping complex. This marked the end of Fort Thunder, which attracted a reputation well beyond the clandestine nature of its performances and other gatherings. Alternative venues like the Monohasset Mill and the Hive Archive (which recently acquired a new space) still invite the public to shows, gallery openings, and other events. In the shadows, denizens of various warehouses and lofts drop silk-screened posters with illegible writing and no clear destination around town, maintaining their anonymity in the face of questionable legality. All roads here lead to Olneyville, but that’s all that can officially be said. To go farther down the rabbit hole, visit www.lotsofnoise.com.

Lupo’s Heartbreak Hotel

239 Westminster St., Providence, (401) 272-5876

The Met Café

130 Union St., Providence, (401) 861-2142

Providence’s two major clubs reside above ground. Rich Lupo’s two venues, Lupo’s and the Met, feature rock, hip-hop, reggae, metal, and dance parties, and periodic breakthrough underground acts. Elvis Costello played Lupo’s over the summer and pioneering Boston art rockers Mission of Burma are coming this fall.

The Strand

79 Washington St., Providence, (401) 751-2700

Young, good-looking people, often scantily clad, come here to shake various parts of their bodies to head-throbbing techno and assorted syncopated synthetic laments. This is the best place for 18-year-old women to dance with 35-year-old men. Both will be lying about their age.

WATCHING

Cable Car Cinema

204 South Main St., Providence, (401) 272-3970

Providence’s best independent filmhaus avoids the cliches often associated with such places. Occasionally, the same film sticks around for a long time. All things considered, though, the Cable Car is stellar. It has a surprisingly good, intimate café; the theater has couches; and the cinema sometimes hosts movies with live soundtracks, as well as film festivals and discussions.

Castle Theatre

1039 Chalkstone Ave., Providence, (401) 831-2555

More mainstream than the Cable Car, and decidedly less bland than the mall, the Castle boasts a retro marquee and good bookings. With headset-clad servers, you can order burgers, chicken sandwiches, and other dishes. If you use your imagination, it’s slightly like being in a Fellini film — eating on a piazza outside a café in Rome while watching a film being projected onto the side of a palace.

Avon Cinema

260 Thayer St., Providence, (401) 421-AVON

Old-time charm on Thayer Street marks a definite incongruity between what is expected and what actually occurs — the very definition of irony. But the Avon could be screening bad Hollywood fare in a grand old cinema, and it doesn’t. Solid independent films get played here, though mostly ones that have already proven extremely popular in New York and Los Angeles. And there was that time last year when Amelie played for approximately three months. Cult films, including Brazil, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and A Clockwork Orange, are shown on weekends at midnight. Besides, what could be less ironic than a movie date?

Acme Video

137 Brook St., Providence, (401) 453-ACME

Besides stocking quintessential experimental, foreign, avant-garde, independent, and otherwise hip films, Acme has a stellar collection of, well, everything else, and an acutely knowledgeable staff. The martini to Blockbuster’s Smirnoff Ice.

OUTINGS

Lincoln Woods

I-95 to Route 146 north to Lincoln, Twin Rivers Road exit

Lack of irony encourages the active enjoyment of romantic picnics, the pursuit of natural beauty, the acquiescence to questionable judgement in the search for unpolluted lakes in which to swim (read: swim at your own risk). Lincoln Woods can give you all of this and more.

Benefit Street

It’s not just for your parents anymore. In terms of hipness, the appreciation of historic architecture is one level above magic cards. And magic cards are enjoying an irony-based resurgence, according to one of my roommates, who keeps his in a shoebox "in case of an emergency." But repress the painful memories of architectural tours that your parents forced you to endure in the name of "family time." You may find there’s a reason the ’rents were excited when you told them how Benefit Street has an unusually rich concentration of Colonial homes. It’s really pretty, and comforting besides, to know that Providence has built on and restored elements of its past.

Scarborough State Beach

Ocean Road, Narragansett, (401) 783-1010

Join the hordes on weekends, or have the place to yourself for most of the week. Cool water, warm sand, decent waves, people who shouldn’t be allowed to wear swimsuits, and, nearby, opportunities to consume medically unsafe amounts of fried seafood.

Swan Point Cemetery

585 Blackstone Blvd., Providence

For the uninitiated, the idea of a picnic among the dead may sound a little too much like a theme for a childhood birthday party for Bela Lugosi. But the bucolic setting of Swan Point Cemetery is more like a park than a graveyard, an idyllic setting for walks and other forms of appreciation.

By this point it’s probably evident that, yes, it’s now ironic not to be ironic. It’s difficult to avoid employing irony even in an article about freedom from irony. So this whole thing has been something of a farce, and all that you are left with, vigilant reader, is another suffocating layer of irony to protect you from the specter of everyday life.

What’s that? Discarding detachment in favor of this authorial notion of "real" experience is a convoluted and poorly constructed attempt to expose an abstract feeling that, if it exists at all outside the author’s own head, exists only in a small population? And who are you to criticize what other people enjoy, anyway? The path to enlightenment is not through bars and clubs, but through self-knowledge and self-discovery? Well, how ironic.

Kierkegaard, in his Diapsalmata, put it better than I could: "Turn to the Old Testament and to Shakespeare. There one still feels that those who speak are human beings; there they hate, there they love, there they murder the enemy, curse his descendents through all generations — there they sin."

Phoenix intern Alex Provan’s value depreciates by the day. He can be found in enclaves of authenticity nursing a beer with an unpronounceable name and a worn copy of Either/Or.