The carpetbagging clowns

Now that Quonset Point Partners have come in with three unacceptable plans for a port -- by Governor Bigfoot's estimation, of all things -- and without the requisite commitment from carriers, a much larger question looms: Who are these carpetbagging clowns and why do they have the state in their thrall?

Yes, some upgraded use of Quonset is indeed a good idea. But do we want our future dictated by two losers from Massachusetts who have as much financial credibility as Joe Mollicone? No matter what drivel PR flack Dave Preston churns out on behalf of the Bankruptcy Boys, the fact remains that they have shown no secure financial backing since day one, and the lies and obfuscation they have employed to try to sway people to back a megaport are both insulting and ethically bankrupt. How many times were we told that the only "economically viable" port plan was a monster version?

And then, following a public outcry against the megaport, the B-boys submitted three greatly scaled-down versions. Did the smaller versions become viable because Tinkerbell sprinkled some fairy dust on them at deadline time? Given the inordinate amount of backing these poseurs have received from the jumped-up little prat at the state's Economic Development Corporation, John "What Clean Water Act?" Swen, it's enough to make one wonder whether Messrs. Grasso and Norton of QPP have photos of Swen in a compromising position, as the saying goes.

If the missing Linc is indeed unpleased by the crap QPP is peddling, perhaps he should take advantage of the research North Kingstown is doing to get moving with a smaller port plan. But then again, what does he care? He'll be retiring to a house on the Cape in two years, so what does the future of Vo Dilun matter?

Predictable

As regular readers of this column know, P&J have long been awed by the nastiness of Philip "Fake British Accent" Terzian, the BeloJo's associate editor whose intemperate slash and burn missives from Washington make the Cool, Cool World look like balanced reporting. Here's our favorite "Phil-istineism" from last week.

Responding to the report floated in the New Yorker last week that Clinton might run for a Senate seat from Arkansas in 2002 (in classic fashion, Phil gives the wrong year, 2004, in his lead), Terzian comments on the post-presidential activities of other White House denizens. "Some, like Coolidge and Lyndon Johnson, quit Washington and lived quietly in retirement. Others, like Richard Nixon, sought vindication through writing and speaking. Taft taught law, and then achieved his lifelong ambition: To become Chief Justice of the United States. Herbert Hoover returned to his roots as a humanitarian and useful citizen. Jimmy Carter actively pursues the Nobel Peace Prize."

So what accounts for this nastiness towards former President Carter? Would it not suffice to say that Mr. Carter has, in many ways, emulated Hoover by making himself useful as a citizen (working with Habitat for Humanity) and serving on international committees to oversee troubled elections around the globe? Oh no, he's a recent Democrat, so therefore his vanity must be attacked, but without any mention of the numerous good deeds Jimmy's been responsible for. You're cheap shots are so beautifully predictable, Phil baby. Don't ever change.

Unpredictable

As your superior correspondents gaze upon the premature jostling for election 2000, there are a couple of wild cards that keep coming up. While George W. "Shrub" Bush continues to build an unsurmountable lead in the GOP presidential sweepstakes, our instincts tell us to watch Bill Bradley in the Democratic field. Bush may fumble, but he's so far ahead that it won't matter much. There is no one anywhere close enough to charge ahead if he falls. The same is not true, however, of Al Gore, who shows every indication of continuing to screw up. We suspect that Dollar Bill and Al will be neck-and-neck, come January.

P&J also say, keep your eyes on former Lieutenant Governor Richard Licht in the race for Senator Chafee's seat. Despite some baggage -- he's sure to be attacked for some of his wheeling and dealing in recent years with projects like the Providence Place Mall -- and the fact that he's been out of electoral politics for most of the decade, we believe that he'll have a very successful fund-raising operation. Add to that the fact that he is much more popular in party circles than his primary opponent, Rep. Bob "Dorian" Weygand, and you have the potential for a Licht juggernaut.

The race for Dorian's seat should be a breeze for Secretary of State Jim Langevin. He's well-liked, has a strong record and is out front raising money already. Much as we love David Cicilline and Kate Coyne-McCoy, two high-quality potential candidates, Jim Langevin has the potential to scare them all off, a la Shrub Bush, if he is able to raise enough money. And it looks like that's exactly what he'll do.

D'oh!

With all the media attention focused last week on a report in the New Yorker's "Talk of the Town" section by Jeffrey Toobin, claiming that Bill Clinton is considering a run for a US Senate seat from Arkansas in 2002, pundits scanning for "stoopid stuff" missed a far more interesting item in the same section. This had to do with a series of internal documents from the New York Times dealing with the utterances of cultural icon Homer Simpson.

Times columnist Iver Peterson reported on an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer, thinking that he had won a trip to Hawaii, discovered to his dismay, that the trip was actually to Hartford. Apparently, editors from the Hartford Courant took umbrage at this slight to their city. Peterson wrote, "This prompted [the paper] to ask the cartoon show's producers if Hartford had been insulted. No, said the producers. A trip to upstate New York would be an insult, they said, but a sucker prize to Hartford, that was a compliment. This seemed to satisfy the Courant. D'oh."

In the Times' "Greenies," a daily handout from the paper's editors that critiques the previous day's paper, the word "D'oh" was flagged with the comment, "We've been spelling it duh. And that's how it's pronounced."

Simpsons partisans at the Times (and they are legion) then reacted to this wrongheaded editorial edict with explanations of how "d'oh" is a very specific Homeric utterance. There followed some second-guessing on the actual spelling of "d'oh" (many felt it should be, simply "doh") until Peterson revealed that he had contacted the cartoon's producers and they provided him with the official "d'oh" spelling.

When the New Yorker's James Collins, who uncovered this mighty story, contacted NYT senior news editor Bill Borders, Borders refused to comment. He referred to the in-house "Greenies" as "an internal document not intended for talk outside the New York Times." Unfortunately for Borders, this argument -- the same one used by Nixon when the Times published the Pentagon Papers -- doesn't really fly at either the New Yorker or in the Cool, Cool World. Any time that James Collins would like to stop by Casa Diablo for a Pernod and grapefruit, he is more than welcome.

The Dutch Invasion

A few weeks back, during a moment of temporary deadline insanity, your superior correspondents ran a contest to see if anyone out there remembered the short-lived "Dutch Invasion" in the rock 'n' roll winter and spring of 1970. We were not surprised to find that a number of rock n' roll geeks our there were on this like a bad tie on a governor. Knowing how many music mavens we had, we limited the prize to the first post card or letter we received with the correct answer.

Although Rick Poncelet of Saunderstown had the correct answer, he missed out by just one day. There was a tie for the first cards received, between Mike Shaw of Pawtucket and Louis Leeman of Swansea, Massachusetts. The question was, who were the three groups from the Netherlands who charted in the American top 40 between February and April of 1970 (all on Colossus Records), and what were the singles? The answer: "Venus" by Shocking Blue, "Ma Belle Amie" by the Tee Set and "Little Green Bag" by the George Baker Selection. Brian Cornell from Cranston was close, but missed Tee Set, instead trying to pass off Pittsburgh's the Jaggerz as a Dutch band. Kudos and congrats to Mike and Louis, and we'll be sending along those incredibly valuable prizes to you as soon as we wipe the dust off of them.

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