Upper-class twit

Phillipe and Jorge bumped into the Other Paper's editorial page editor, Robert Whitcomb, and his lovely wife Nancy at a benefit for All-Children's Theater Saturday evening. That your superior correspondents are friends with Whit usually draws some stares of disbelief, given our sometimes adversarial relationship with the BeloJo. But since Whitcomb has come to agree with P&J on many issues -- as evidenced by the excellent recent editorials on DEM and the Port of Galilee -- we have few quibbles with Fountain Street's fourth floor denizens.

However, we can't say as much for Washington-based editorial columnist Faux Phil Terzian who, along with Francis "Statistics Boy" Mancini and David Brussat, make up the Urinal's frothers brigade. However, Faux Phil is always good for a laugh when he falls victim to his uber-yuppie aspirations, and drops names and old school ties.

So it was that P&J laughed out loud at Terzian's recent "You say pawTUCKet" column of May 23, in which he attacks the fact that TV shows like Providence, among many others over time, miss the realistic accents of the place where the show is sited. First off, he seems embarrassed that he once earned his living here: "Since I lived in Rhode Island for some years, more than a few people have asked me lately what I think of the new NBC drama, Providence." Naturally Phil hasn't deigned to tune in, lest he appear one of the great unwashed. However, as Faux Phil attacks a lack of linguistic realism in other shows, we feel obliged to point out that Terzian was well known among BeloJo reporters and an object of ridicule for affecting a fake British accent after having studied in England for a couple of years. We guess that when the networks get around to doing a show on pretentious columnists, they will have to make sure that they speak like Oxford dons to meet Faux Phil's standards of TV verite.

Scramble time

P&J's widespread network of friends forwarded to us a desperate e-mail from the Urinal's Bill Donovan, who has been covering the Quonset Point story:

"CONTAINER CARGO SEAPORT ECONOMICS - PROVIDENCE JOURNAL (RI). I'm looking for experts on ports, transportation or shipping who can talk about container cargo seaport economics. I'm particularly interested in whether there is a lack of privately-owned container cargo terminals in the U.S. If so, why? Why do public ports require taxpayer subsidies? What is the outlook for container cargo seaports? Need leads as soon as possible. >>> William Donovan Email: william_donovan@projo.com"

Nice to see that after months on the job, Donovan is just now getting around to fact-finding about container cargo seaports, rather than just relying on the steady stream of bullshit being churned out by the Bankruptcy Boys at Quonset Point Partners, or the Economic Development Corporation's John "What Clean Water Act?" Swen, ably abetted by the elegantly bouffanted Kip Bergstrom of the Economic Policy Council. (Speaking of ships, notice how quickly the illusory coalition "GoPort," a wholly-owned subsidiary of Duffy & Shanley, went down after Textron's Carol Grant and Narragansett Electric's Bob McCabe realized they were being played for fools?)

P&J are not surprised that Donovan's inquiry was launched the day that Save the Bay and the Conservation Law Foundation came out publicly, in full war paint, against the large load center megaport that QPP will be proposing to Governor Almond on or before June 30. One would think that the announcement -- that two of the most prominent enviro groups in New England will fight one of the biggest projects ever proposed for Narragansett Bay -- might have warranted front-page placement, rather than being stuck in a corner of the business section.

In the spirit of collegiality, perhaps we can assist Donovan. He should try contacting John Vickerman of VZM TranSystems, who has designed more than half of the major commercial ports in America, and is the ranking expert in the field. It should also be quite simple to do: Vickerman is working as consultant to the town of North Kingstown, which opposes the megaport, and has offered its own option of a much smaller "omniport" that will not destroy the Bay, as would the QPP loading center. The alternative was designed by Vickerman, who realizes that the load center is a horrendous idea and inappropriate for Rhode Island, but we guess that isn't what the Urinal wants to hear.

In denial

After this week, it should be abundantly clear to anyone with a brain and a conscience that the gun lobby crowd is in serious denial. Captives of a narrow ideology that will look anywhere but inwardly in the ongoing debate about the proliferation of guns in our country, the gun culture yahoos cannot concede the fact that there is a definite link between violence and guns. An unwillingness to acknowledge this is tantamount to believing that there is no connection between alcohol and drunk driving. That there is also linkage between the sex and violence of our "entertainment product," and sexual and violent acting out in real life is also clear, but Hollywood prefers to look the other way. But, as the old saw goes, two wrongs don't make a right, and both issues have to be discussed honestly and openly.

Representative David Cicilline (D-Providence), has introduced a bill into the Rhode Island House (99-H 6425) that is eminently reasonable. It would make it illegal for anyone in Vo Dilun under the age of 18 to possess a firearm or ammunition unless a permit has been issued, a qualified adult is present and use is restricted to a State Police-approved camp or range. A related bill, also introduced by Cicilline (99-H 6450) makes it illegal to provide any firearm to any person under the age of 18, except within the guidelines of the former bill.

Do these restrictions seem radical? Only, it would seem, to the gun yahoos who seem to think that any law or statute that restricts a 16-year-old from full access to a firearm is too much. People under 21 are not allowed legal access to liquor, and recent changes in the state's driving laws place more restrictions on young drivers, but guns should somehow be freely accessible? Sorry, that's nuts.

Of course, Cicilline's legislation would be a slam dunk if it weren't for the fact that the gun lobby has a lot of money and they, like any other industry, spread it around to elected officials to solidify their influence. The NRA's Political Victory Fund contributed $800 to Lieutenant Governor Charlie Fogarty's 1998 campaign, $600 to Senate Majority Leader Paul Kelly, $1600 to House Speaker John Harwood in the past 13 months, and three contributions totaling $450 to General Treasurer Paul Tavares in the past two years. They've also kicked in $500 to State Rep. Bob Watson, who's gearing up to run for Bob Weygand's soon-to-be-vacant congressional seat in 2000.

Because of their complete inability to compromise an inch on any and all firearms legislation, the NRA and their brethren give the appearance of ideologically driven zealots. This is fortunate, because that, in fact, is who they are. There are plenty of causes for the overabundance of violent behavior in America, and the easy availability of guns is one of them. That the NRA can't admit it is the essence of being in denial. While we urge everyone to look deeper than the usual scapegoats (Hollywood, NRA, parental guidance), the fact is they all do share part of the blame. We also urge the legislature to pass Cicilline's sensible bills.

Kudos and congrats

. . . to the Providence College men's baseball team -- the sports story of the year. With the program due to be eliminated after this season, thanks to the mismanagement of President Philip A. Smith and athletic director John Marinatto in regard to Title IX rules, the Friars merely won the Big East tournament, as well as every one of the conference's individual awards. They are now on their way to the NCAA tourney, but no matter what happens there, their pride and guts in ending PC's terrific baseball legacy on a high note succeeded in sticking Smith's absurd decision right up his freckle.

. . . to the newsbreakers at WLNE who, as a radio teaser for their 11 p.m. news on May 24, promised to tell how to know when to throw something out of your refrigerator because the item has gone bad. Now there's hard-hitting journalism! While P&J failed to stay up to be enlightened by Channel 6's brain trust, we'll try to catch their next feature: how to know when you have to go to the bathroom.

. . . to the gang at Patrick's Pub on Smith Street in Providence for last week's weirdest sociological experience, "Bob Dylan Night." While one would have expected to find nothing but grizzled 40- or 50-somethings in attendance, more than a handful of younger folks were also there to celebrate His Bobness. The singalong was something to behold, since follow-the-bouncing ball exercises depend on a rhythmic cadence -- not a notable feature of the Dylan songbook. The strangest moments of the evening, however, were to be found in a "personal testimonial" segment of the evening, during which audience members stood and explained what Bob meant to them. Bob himself would have probably been appalled, but we suspect that he may have at least appreciated the sheer surrealism of the evening. Regrettably, no one attempted to play P&J's fave rave, "Can You Please Crawl Out Your Window?"

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