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You'll recall that during the great Joe Mollicone morality play of the early '90s, everybody noted that Mollicone's house had once been owned by the Bud-I and was later inhabited by radio talk-host and the Head Ramrod of Channel 36's "Deadly Experiment," Steve Kass. This brought into focus the fact that the "six degrees of separation" that supposedly bind everyone on the planet are comprised of decidedly lower odds for the movers and shakers of the Biggest Little.

History repeated itself last Sunday when the BeloJo published a front page feature on financial world bust-out Todd LaScola, the local investment "genius" that the United States Securities and Exchange Commission says is responsible for the largest unauthorized diversion of funds in New England in the past decade. Although LaScola has not been indicted, he is under close scrutiny by the Feds, who have closed down his various failed companies. LaScola's loose money management has proven an embarrassment to GOP bigwigs and former key Bigfoot functionaries John "Monsieur Pompadour" Holmes and Ed "The Black Pope" Morabito, both of whom had allegedly been helping LaScola scare up investors.

Now another Vo Dilun luminary has been inadvertently touched by the LaScola brush. Less than a week ago John DePetro, the most recent addition to AM station WHJJ's talk-show lineup, moved to attractive waterfront digs in Warwick. John was given a good deal on the place because, according to the realtor, the current tenant wanted to leave immediately. In fact, Todd LaScola and family were still scurrying around collecting their belongings while DePetro was moving in.

Unfortunately for DePetro, Sunday's Urinal published the address of the house in Warwick. Since the banking crisis of 1991, a certain sub-species of Vo Dilunduh has discovered the pleasure of the strategic "Sunday drive." For those whose taste in sports run more towards local elective politics than the NFL or NBA game of the week, Sunday afternoon is a time to jump in the car and arrive unannounced at the doorfront of whomever has been designated as the current scoundrel of the week. There, they mill around with the occasional homemade sign, grumble a lot, and basically register their outrage. Late Sunday morning, John DePetro discovered what has become a popular local leisure time activity. Welcome back to Vo Dilun, John.

Dear John

If Phillipe and Jorge were to pick the Little Rhody politician who has impressed us most over the course of our nearly 20 years of observation from Casa Diablo, the hands-down winner would be Senator John Chafee. (The hands-up winner would of course be Buddy "Vincent A." Cianci, and we would be referring to where his Russian hands and Roman fingers were in relation to a woman's skirt. But we digress).

John Chafee has brought incredible respect to Vo Dilun with his dignity and strength of character while in DC, and, believe us, we will be losing a powerful force in bringing favors and dollars to the Biggest Little. He's been a man's man inside the Beltway, and he'll be sorely missed for his intelligence and championing of landmark legislation such as the Clean Water Act, of which he is the father (take note, John Swen).

Of course, no sooner did Big John pull his hat from the ring than his son Lincoln tossed in his diaper. Speculation in the fairly foaming-at-the-mouth Democratic ranks centers around the likes of Representative Bob "Dorian" Weygand, Secretary of State Jim Langevin, Joltin' Joe Paolino, the Mighty Myrth and, out of nowhere, Pucky Harwood. The fact that Harwood is said to be considering a run (do a little polling, Pucky, and find out how popular state legislative leaders are) brought an immediate thumbs up from his ally, Patrick Kennedy. We like loyalty too, Patrick, but the thought of Pucky practicing his putting strokes in Washington is a bit much for us to take.

Despite potential interest from the Machtley and Pine camps, there is no doubt that Linc Chafee would have the inside track on both the sentimental and financial tracks. Moron quote of the week goes to Democratic Party Head Ramrod, Bill Lynch who the BeloJo quoted as saying, "I think the days have gone by when you can just sort of hand off an elective office like royalty to someone else." We guess a citywide dynasty (like the Lynch family in Pawtucket, where Bill's dad Denny used to be mayor) is okay, but statewide is a no-no. And, Bill, how are you going to break this news to Patrick?

The fact is that Linc Chafee has been mayor of Warwick since 1992 and certainly has a record to run on. Which brings us to Our Little Towne's Mayor for Life. Senator Bud-I is yet another possibility hard for your superior correspondents to imagine (not that Hizzoner can't). Mr. Three-way should have a lot of fun scaring the bejesus out of everyone for the next six months.

Providence update

Along with the rest of Vo Dilun, Phillipe and Jorge were tuned in to last week's episode of Providence, the NBC series that would have one believe that the East Side is the only side and Down City is a virtual yuppie playground. The reason, of course, was the long awaited appearance by the Bud-I in his role as . . . the Bud-I! The episode turned out to be reasonably close to reality: it included a fictitious cooking contest won by . . . the Bud-I! And though the suggestion that this contest might possibly have been rigged wasn't explored in any detail by the scriptwriters, it undoubtedly brought a smile of recognition to viewers in Our Little Towne.

Meanwhile, the Providence series continues to remind your superior correspondents that television is merely a low-budget version of the movies. The show's central character, Dr. Sydney Hansen, seems to now be enamored with a new beau, a hunky physician. Has anyone noticed that the new boyfriend appears to be a low-budget version of Alec Baldwin? As Phillipe and Jorge were watching this Friday night over Pernod and grapefruit, it also dawned on us that Melina Kanakeredes (Dr. Hansen) is the new low-budget Andie MacDowell. And the younger brother would be the low-budget Matt LeBlanc if it weren't for the fact that that's an oxymoron.

Stay tuned, friends: we've been lobbying the producers to film a pie eating contest at Chelo's featuring a cameo by Governor Bigfoot in the next round of shows.inspiration for The Miracle Worker immediately pop into P&J's heads?

More Quonset Point lies

Hats off to the Urinal for leading this week's homage to the Economic Development Council (Lincoln Almond, proprietor) and the Ugly Americans at the Quonset Point Developers, who seem to think Vo Dilun is another third-world country they can exploit for their private gain. P&J refer to the BeloJo's buying lock, stock and biz reporter Bill Donovan's blanks-firing barrel into the fact that QP-Davisville can only possibly be successful (for the developers, they fail to add) if it is built as a virtual megaport.

To show just how much the Missing Linc and his cohorts care about the stakeholders input, EDC chief John "What Clean Water Act?" Swen and QPP's loathsome Martin Grasso didn't even attend last Friday's critical meeting. Instead they were out working the press and acting as though everyone had agreed that there was only the megaport option anyway. Swen is planning to meet with the enviros on the stakeholders board just after P&J go to press, and he might simply offer up a power play and say, "Take the abysmally insufficient $20 million being offered for Bay mitigation efforts and be happy you're getting it."

What is rankling the enviros is how the comments by scientists reviewing shoddy data captured by the QPP and EDC is being ignored. Not to mention the avoidance of the $56 million officials at Electric Boat say it would cost them to relocate. Whoops, just a small oversight.

The Gerber diaries, cont.

More missives from prisoner #110156.

Whoa, Betty, if there was one person I never thought I'd see riding to my rescue it was Denis Langley of the Urban League. Was he vacationing while I was squirming like an eel trying to beat that racketeering and bribery rap?

Now he wants me to go out there and tell inner-city kiddies how crime doesn't pay. Well, it might not if that yuppie Sheldon Whitehouse finds that trap door in the Winnebago where I have a cool $500 stashed. But if that Yalie gets lucky, I'll be on the other side of the counter at Walt's Roast Beef asking if you want fries with that and having a bunch of snot-nosed teenagers starting mop fights with me at closing time. I mean, I don't mind getting out of here to tell kids how much I regret my past sins, but if there is anything I regret it's not having that prick Jeff Pine's scalp on my wall in Cranston, which wouldn't be tough given the fact it was already detachable.

I mean, I wasn't springing for steaks and Dom Perignon at Capriccio's after Dom Cresto nearly had me off the hook scot-free because I thought this would be a primer for teaching Rhode Island yoots about integrity and contrition. I wonder what Langley would do if he heard me sounding like Marion Barry: "The bastards set me up!"

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