Ridley update

Your superior correspondents read with interest the book review in Sunday's BeloJo of Ridley Pearson's new novel, The Pied Piper. Reviewer Sam Coale raves, "Pearson is perfection." Well, Pearson is also a former Vo Dilunduh, and we were somewhat surprised that no one at the BeloJo seemed to know this.

Throughout much of the 1970s, Ridley played bass in the Providence-based Otis & Ridley Band he started with longtime pal Otis Reed. These days, Ridley lives in Idaho and keeps his hand in rock 'n' roll playing with the Rock Bottom Remainders, the infamous band of literary notables Stephen King, Dave Barry, Barbara Kingsolver, Amy Tan and Roy Blount, Jr.

If you read the review, you also may have noticed the mention of a recurring character in Pearson's oeuvre, a police sergeant named John LaMoia whom Coale describes as "the local stud who struts his stuff in ostrich boots and is nicknamed `Floorshow.' " Yes, indeed, the character is based on the Biggest Little's own John LaMoia, the percussionist extraordinaire who is presently working with Greg Piccolo's Heavy Juice band. Since John settled down and married some time ago, Ridley's depiction of the LaMoia character as a ladies' man may cause him to wince. But, hey, it's fiction, Johnny

Crime and punishment gone haywire

We're sure that you're familiar with some of the statistics on those imprisoned in the United States, where more people are incarcerated than in any other country. Indeed, current best estimates indicate that we have a half-million more inmates than all of China.

For a truly shocking overview of the American prison system, however, P&J highly recommend this month's Atlantic Monthly. According to an article titled "The Prison-Industrial Complex," not only are most people here incarcerated for non-violent crimes, but in other countries, many of these crimes would be met with community service, drug treatment or fines. And then there's the outrage of the racial breakdown of just who goes to prison and who doesn't.

In particular, the article questions the current wisdom of having private firms run the prisons. One private outfit, the Corrections Corporation of America, actually has announced that they'll build at least three new prisons in California "on spec," reasoning, "If you build it in the right place, the prisoners will come," according to one CCA executive.

As the profiteers clean up and the politicians posture about being tough on crime, it seems that no one wants to confront this issue in a reasoned manner. We can do a lot better than this.

The drug boat

We are sure that, like Phillipe & Jorge, you often dreamed of finding romance and adventure -- or, at the very least, burnt-out former show-biz celebrities -- aboard the fabulous Love Boat. And why not? Judging from the fact that Yeoman Gopher and frequent guest Sonny Bono were able to sail the Pacific Princess all the way to Congress, you never knew what could happen on those magical voyages of yore.

Well, you'll be happy to know that the Love Boat is still in operation, run by the P&O line. But these days, sparking up a romance with Chad Everett or one of the King Sisters is not the primary attraction on board. On Thanksgiving, the Love Boat was intercepted in the romantic harbor of Piraeus, Greece, where local law-enforcement officials found 56 pounds of heroin on board. This could never have happened on Captain Stubing's watch!

Calling to account

Good to see the Urinal, in a recent editorial, also recognize ousted Department of Environmental director Andy McLeod's contributions to the Biggest Little during his short time at the helm. As Groucho Marx once remarked about defending a woman's honor, "That's more than she ever did." And the same holds true for Governor Bigfoot, who obviously has no clue about McLeod's effectiveness -- and certainly didn't have the guts to go to bat for the DEM director when needed.

Another sign of the Bigfoot's MIA position on the environment can be found in the names now being bandied about the State House as possible successors to McLeod, including Bernie Jackvony and Nancy Mayer. Huh? Bernie may be a sweetheart, but to head the DEM? Puhl-eeze. Same for Nancy, who has already fallen on her sword twice for the GOP.

Other potential candidates are Trudy Coxe, former Save the Bay leadereen who is now back in Newport with the Preservation Society, and Louise Durfee, former DEM honchette under Captain Blowhard. However, these two automatically can be dismissed as out of hand, as they represent exactly what Bigfoot doesn't want: a strong environmental advocate who will stand up to him, his bottom-line henchmen, and punks like state Representative Brian "Walking Eagle" (he's so full of shit he can't fly) Kennedy.

Even more worrisome than this list of possible successors is how surprisingly silent the state's environmental leaders (the Audubon Society's eloquent Eugenia Marks excluded) are these days on the issue of McLeod, although rumor has it they are steeling their resolve to put it to Bigfoot in spades in the very near future. If they do, these green leaders also should call into account US Senator John Chafee, the GOP's national environmental leader (supposedly), who evidently doesn't have enough clout with Big Linc to explain what's right and wrong; Senator Jack Reed and congressmen Patrick Kennedy and "Dorian" Weygand, who ought to pull House Speaker Pucky Harwood aside and tell him to reign in Walking Eagle and his Clown Commission, which is obviously driven by private-interest agendas designed to destroy environmental protection in the state.

Those members of the House who only cuddle up to Save the Bay, the Sierra Club and the like when they are running for reelection also should be called on the carpet for suddenly losing their voice when their own Democratic Party tried to gut the DEM. Indeed, there are a lot of so-called friends of nature in the General Assembly who have been awfully conspicuous in their absence in this battle. After the hammering the DEM and various environmental bills took during last year's legislative session, perhaps it's time to demand to see just what these so-called "friends of the environment" have in the bank -- and to publicly embarrass them if they've sold their stock.

Thanks for the memories

As Phillipe and Jorge lay on the floor of the dining room at Casa Diablo on Thanksgiving Day, with our merry nieces and nephews customarily ending our Turkey Day repast by force-feeding the last of the mashed potatoes and gravy down our gullets with caulking guns, we sadly reminisced over the final laying-to-rest of Custy's Restaurant in North Kingstown.

For newcomers to the Biggest Little, P&J should point out that "Disgusty's," as it was known, was the only smorgasbord restaurant in the history of the planet to offer all the lobster you could eat, in addition to the usual array of dishes that made your arteries shriek and heart surgeons whinny.

It was not unusual to see buses with out-of-state plates double-parked outside Disgusty's Post Road site on a weekend and disgorging incredibly obese men and women with the hardest-working belt buckles and terry-cloth stretch pants in America. And what gourmand could possibly deny the beauty and splendor of the sight of these people exiting hours later on heavy-duty forklifts, with eyes rolled back and flecks of lobster shell in the corners of their mouth? Hoisted aboard their hired coaches via the wheelchair lift for the return ride home, they appeared undaunted by the fact that you could squeeze enough butter out of the front of their shirts and pants to build a five-story replica of the Land of Lakes Indian princess.

Now the state Department of Transportation has torn down Disgusty's, and with it goes a little -- but very high-calorie piece -- of Vo Dilun history. With tears in our eyes, all P&J can say is, "We'll take a couple of three-pounders, and can you pass us the hollandaise, please?"

The 23rd annual Plunge

Just a little plug for this year's Penguin Plunge, the annual fund-raiser for Rhode Island Special Olympics that takes place each New Year's Day at noon at Mackerel Cove in Jamestown. The folks at Special Olympics are still looking for people who would like to contribute by making a pledge and sponsoring one of the brave souls who will jump into the Bay or by actually taking the plunge themselves. Contact Mike McGovern at 823-7411 and help out this fine organization.

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