Boy to man

When Phillipe and Jorge give thanks this holiday, we certainly will put US Representative Patrick Kennedy (D-Rhode Island) at the top of our best wishes list. Your superior correspondents have not been shy about hammering Boy Patrick for what seems to be his "Me first, Rhode Island second" focus. After all, he refused to debate his Republican opponent, Ron Santa, during the recent election, instead spending most of his time playing Tonto to Dick Gephardt and Hillary Rodham Cuckold as he raced around the country raising funds for fellow Dems.

Still, the end result was Kennedy's appointment as chair of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, a plum, high-profile position that seems to fit Patrick's political-climber agenda. Even better, the young congressman barely had the DCCC wreath laid atop his carrot top before showing his true maturity and allegiance to the Biggest Little in announcing that he would not run for the Senate in 2000.

Of course, Kennedy's predicted opponent, US Senator John Chafee (and P&J certainly hope he will run again), is one of the most respected politicians in Washington, and a person who brings enormous prestige to Vo Dilun through his thoughtful and forthright stands on key issues, most notably the environment. So, in addition to avoiding a race in which we figured to lose at least one very efficient politician in DC, Patrick's decision to stick to the House raises his clout and prestige appreciably, which will mean only long-term benefits for Little Rhody.

Indeed, Patrick's decision to stay put virtually guarantees a coveted spot on the House Appropriations Committee, which, to be candid, translates into the ability to steer mucho federal dollars our way. And let's not even start to think about the majority leader's post should the Dems take back control of the House in 2000.

Gosh, Patrick, sorry for our doubts. Ye've grown up, laddie, and we couldn't be more proud of ye. Happy Thanksgiving.

Double-chin wag

It is one thing to know that Governor Bigfoot doesn't care -- or even know much about -- environmental issues. It is another to see him flaunt that cluelessness, as he did last week when he essentially pushed DEM director Andy McLeod out the door in a display that stunned the environmental community and now has Common Cause concerned as well.

Thanks also to Department of Administration chief Robert Carl, no friend of McLeod's ever since Andy arrived here 15 months ago to attempt to resurrect the DEM in the face of a General Assembly witch hunt. The DOA director butted heads with McLeod on personnel issues at every turn, so between Carl and chief of staff Mike DiBiase, you have some great environmental advisors there, Linc.

Overall, the only time Bigfoot responds to environmental issues is when his back is up against a wall, such as when Economic Development Corporation head John "What Clean Water Act?" Swen embarrassed the guv by trying to skate around public input at Quonset Point or when Almond found it helpful to come out against dredge dumping in Narragansett Bay's East Passage while his gubernatorial opponent, Myrth York, read his beads in public and further showed him up by bringing federal Environmental Protection Agency chief Carol Browner into town to campaign for her.

The depth of Almond's know-nothingness was highlighted by the fact that McLeod had poured oil on the already troubled EPA/Rhode Island government waters in squiring New England EPA head John DeVillars around the state just days prior to McLeod's resignation. Not only was mutual respect and support for McLeod mentioned at every stop, but local environmentalists and DEM staff were noticeably inspired by the future projects McLeod unveiled with DeVillars's overt blessing. Now, as the Phoenix goes to press, sources close to DEM say a petition drive is afoot to reinstate the embattled McLeod.

If that doesn't happen, Bigfoot faces two very big questions: first, what type of person does he expect to recruit to replace McLeod when he or she will know that the knives in the back could come at any time from the DEM staff, the General Assembly, and even the governor's office? Second, what credibility does Almond have with the environmental community now that he is personally responsible for the loss of such a highly respected and trusted person within that faction? P&J's guess is zero, which should be a real help to Almond the next time he stands up and says he cares about the state's natural resources in terms of mega-projects like Quonset Point.

When can we take a shower?

For those who have noticed that P&J have not had a whole lot to say about Monica and Bill, it's not that your superior correspondents haven't been paying attention to the nation's soap opera. It's just that, for all the billions of words written about the nation's number-one Fellatio Alger tale, nothing much has really happened.

Spinning and hand-wringing tend to get old after a while, and, frankly, we're satisfied leaving most of that up to our fellow hacks of the keyboard. Still, in light of the nationally televised testimony of Kenneth Starr last week in front of the House Judiciary Committee, some distinct ideas did start to form in our pointy little heads.

For those who insist that, a la our late departed crime chief Raymond L.S., the investigators and press should just "leave that poor president alone," we feel compelled to remind you that the Willy-in-Chief has brought much of this upon himself. On the other hand, the Big Pink One did have a point in last week's BeloJo when he said that Starr's claims of not taking any pleasure in exposing the X-rated shenanigans of the Oral Office are a pile of rubbish. Our impression of the not-so-independent counsel after last week's tour de force is that he is a lying, self-righteous prig.

For those who haven't had the time nor the inclination to wade through the five volumes of "Appendices and Supplemental Materials" from Starr's investigation -- and we would imagine that this is almost everyone save Clinton's attorneys and a few rabid Judiciary Committee staffers -- we suggest for your perusal Renata Adler's essay in the current Vanity Fair.

In it, there are excerpts from the actual grand jury testimony, and we believe that one thing becomes clear. In employing techniques used primarily in prosecuting organized-crime figures to entrap Clinton, Starr and his cohorts definitely crossed the line. As surely as Clinton committed perjury, Starr's prosecutors also broke the law by thwarting Lewinsky's attempts to contact her then-attorney, Frank Carter, during the notorious Ritz Carlton episode.

A reasonable conclusion to this whole affair would have Clinton resign and slink off into the sunset of Little Rock, DreamWorks, or wherever he's heading and Starr and his cohorts disbarred. That this scenario makes sense is one good reason why it will never happen. Instead, we might as well get used to the stench, as our long national shower after this "long national nightmare" will continue to be deferred.

After all, no one in Washington would have the temerity to interrupt a really good soap opera while it still has legs. So get used to it, because this thing won't end any time soon.

Buy nothing, do something

The Buy Nothing Day Coat Exchange will take place this year on the State House lawn on Friday, November 27 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. The phenomenon was created by the Adbusters, a group dedicated to exposing how advertising promotes the culture of brain-dead consumerism.

In this spirit, a number of Vo Dilun organizations have banded together to encourage people to stop by the State House, in the shadow of the edifice for the new Providence Place mall-orama, and donate a winter coat for those in need. Last year, this grass-roots campaign proved to be successful, as a surprising number of people got the word and dozens of coats were indeed exchanged.

The fact is that the ongoing "good economy" has not been so good for folks on the wrong end of the economic scale. Right now, we have a wider gulf between rich and poor than we've had since the turn of the last century. But this fact seems to be obscured since a) it's not a sexy media story and b) the way we tend to lead encapsulated lives these days means that most people seldom see, up close and in person, the homelessness and hunger right in our midst.

To P&J, the Coat Exchange seems to be a simple and thoughtful way for those who have been blessed with good fortune to share that with those who have not. If you would like to help out, call Greg Gerritt at 331-0529, Phil Edmonds at 273-4650, or Dick Fontaine at 851-9733.

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