Nancy to Sheldon: "Sissy!"

He's a sissy with a glass jaw." That was our old friend General Treasurer Nancy Mayer's take on her opponent for attorney general, Sheldon Whitebread, when Phillipe and Jorge encountered her at the URI-Brown football game in Kingston last Saturday. Never a shrinking violet, Mayer, between that on-the-record comment and her current slasher ad attacking Sheldon's drug use (a rather dubious tactic, an opinion which we made clear to Nancy), has obviously decided to go for the throat to win the AG post.

When your superior correspondents told our equally close pal, Sherbet, about Mayer's verbal attack, his first reaction was a healthy laugh. But since dem's fightin' words where P&J come from, Whitebread then opined, "Ms. Mayer's ad campaign has opened a window on her character, and Rhode Island is looking in and not liking what we see."

And, indeed, this may be quite true. Although we had not yet seen Mayer's supposedly sarcastic ad when we ran into her at URI, we saw it air a few days later in a local bistro. The unsolicited comment of the bartender was, "This is horrible. I'd never vote for someone who ran an ad like that." And his is apparently not a unique reaction.

We are surprised Nancy would take this rather risky path, especially since the ludicrously exaggerated attack ads the Republican National Committee ran against Jack Reed when Mayer challenged him for the US Senate were an abysmal, backfiring disaster.

Mayer defends the ads as being aimed at Whitebread's not having the gumption to stand up to the initial questions about his drug use -- hence the "sissy with a glass jaw" jibe, which she insists is a detrimental trait in someone who would be the state's top lawman.

There is no question that Mayer has chutzpah and a hard edge that has come in handy when dealing with the well-connected folks who have been fiddling with pensions and cooking the books for years in Vo Dilun. But Sheldon makes a good point when he says, "When a candidate goes beyond the bounds of decency, it raises questions about whether they would go beyond the bounds of decency in the job." This embrace of an "ends justifies the means" approach, he explains, is just the type of thinking that got AG Jeff "Pinetop" Pine into such hot water in the DiPrete case.

Personally, P&J really would like to see the campaign for AG rise to the level of education, ethics and professional ability represented by both candidates. Given some of the horrendous choices at the ballot box (never mind no choice at all, as in the case of Vo Dilun's treasured "running unopposed" tradition), it would be nice if we could simply vote for our five favorite people for the state's general offices. Then we could let them sort out who wants what position: gov, lt. gov, treasurer, AG or secretary of state. It might make for a refreshing change, and certainly would elevate the debate beyond schoolyard taunts.

Republicans never learn

One of the more illuminating sidelights of the gubernatorial campaign has been the recent dust-up concerning the Bigfoot television ad in which, over a narrative boast about the governor's welfare-to-work program, the visual image of an African-American man operating a machine is shown. The ad was rescinded after the man pictured, Jimmie Clements, complained about the fact that he'd never been on welfare.

Apparently, the Almond team had gone to the factory where Clements works to shoot some videotape for ads they said would concern the governor's successes in "bringing technology to Rhode Island." And, indeed, such a spot was created. But then, when the Almond camp wished to create a second ad in which one of the topics would be the welfare-to-work initiative, they chose the image of a black man working as the visual.

When the BeloJo asked the Missing Linc's campaign ramrod, Ed Morabito, if race played any role in the decision to feature Mr. Clements in the shot (rather than to use one of his white coworkers), Morabito replied, "That's ludicrous." Well, we must respectfully note that Morabito is a . . . well, you fill in the blank.

No, Ed, what's ludicrous is the idea that professional advertising people don't go over with a fine-toothed comb every image that is shown in a television spot. And when it comes to crafting political ads, nothing is more calculated or scrutinized than such imagery as race, gender and age. Indeed, we're assuming that Stevens Reed Curcio & Co., the agency in charge of this ad campaign, is not staffed by monkeys, but by professionals who do not flip a coin when deciding what images will accompany what messages.

Interestingly enough, press accounts of the gubernatorial town meeting sponsored by URI, Cox Communications and the BeloJo on Monday night neglected to mention Mr. Clements's comment from the audience on the use of his image in the welfare-to-work ad. "Are you in charge of this shit or what?" he asked the governor.

Getting deadlier

Eventually, everything becomes a soap opera in pomo America. For those who have tired of the long-running Washington serial, we suggest you tune in to Channel 36's Deadly Experiment to see if they've altered their seating arrangement this week.

Last week, former lieutenant governor Tom DiLuglio stomped off the set after he complained about the overreaching grasp of the state Ethics Commission for the umpteenth time and M. Charles Bakst noted, also for the umpteenth time, that charges are still pending against DiLuglio's son.

Tom took umbrage at Charlie's inference that this was a personal matter. And the fact is that the lack of controls placed on the Ethics Commission is a serious topic of conversation. So, while some may see DiLuglio's act as a fit of pique, he has a very valid point and we think that Bakst's constant needling is unnecessary. We only hope that DiLuglio returns, because this would be a deadly experiment indeed without him.

Defending the indefensible

US Representative Patrick Kennedy's recent tortured defense of President Billary immediately brought to mind a refrain we used to hear in Our Little Towne (Federal Hill, to be precise) whenever someone would criticize yet another upstanding citizen, Raymond Patriarca: "Why don't they leave that poor man alone!?!"

Rather than allowing Americans to hold Billary accountable for lying to them (not to mention for turning the Oval Office into a massage parlor and the Lincoln Bedroom into a Motel 6 for monied celebs), our Patrick suggests that judgment of Slick Willie's behavior is "better left to God and family."

The suggestion sounds like a stalling tactic to your superior correspondents, as it is quite evident that God has yet to get around to judging Ted Kennedy's numerous peccadilloes. Overall, the Kennedy clan is in such deep denial that they'll still be weighing their familial verdict on everyone from Old Joe on down late into the 21st century.

Blind allegiance is just that, Patrick: unseeing and often unknowing or uncaring about others who have been harmed. Kennedy should find a better Don Quixote to play Sancho Panza to -- or perhaps he fears the same repercussions that Mensa Monica voiced on one of her Linda Tripp tapes: "I don't want to end up like Mary Jo Chappaquidick."

Not to be missed

Time to pitch some worthwhile events coming up in the Biggest Little. This Saturday, October 11, the Beaver Brown Band will celebrate their 25th year playing classic roadhouse rock. Of course, it has been a decade since the band busted through to a national audience with the music for the film Eddie and the Cruisers. But for years, the Beavers had been one of the most popular regional bands and, arguably, the best unit to come out of Vo Dilun. These guys can really play. But because most of their gigs are outside Rhode Island, quite a few people around here only know the name and have never heard the band live. Well, they're still great, and you should do yourselves a favor and make it to the show.

On Friday, October 16, a Red Ribbon Party supporting the Newport County HIV/AIDS Network will be held from 8 p.m. until midnight at the brand-new Regatta Club on Goat Island. Phillipe & Jorge will be your hosts, and we can tell you from experience that the food will be great, the music seriously danceable, and the whole scene superior. Call 848-5768 for more information and tickets.

Finally, one more plug for the Providence Puppetry Festival that will run through October 17 at the Perishable Theater in downtown Prov. Of particular interest to your superior correspondents will be the performance of new works by local stalwarts Heather Henson and the team of Vanessa Gilbert and Jeremy Woodward. Proof positive that puppets are not just for kids.

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