The BeloJo's April Fool's joke

Let's hear it for "Faux Phil" Terzian, Casa Diablo's favorite Urinal editorial blowhard. Seems Phil got himself a mention in the debut issue of Brill's Content, the new media watchdog periodical from Court TV creator Steve Brill.

Since the big story in the debut issue was about special prosecutor Kenneth Starr's leaky ways and the assertion that some of what he has been doing is illegal, it's understandable that few have noticed Phil's name cropping up in a brief article by Ari Voukydis about media reports on the sale of Random House to German media conglomerate Bertelsmann A.G.

The story takes various newspapers to task for "guesstimating" the sale price of the transaction. (Both companies being privately held, neither disclosed figures on the deal.) But while initial reports from the Seattle Times, Associated Press, Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, et al., mentioned unconfirmed figures, their guesses at least used the word "estimated."

Our boy Phil, on the other hand, showed his stuff by writing in a column on April 1 that "Bertelsmann A.G., the media conglomerate, announced it was purchasing Random House for $1.4 billion." Since Bertelsmann did nothing of the sort, Brill's Content reports that Phil sez, "I relied on the news stories in the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal."

Phil's inventive, April Fool's Day decision to turn a guess into a fact shows that, despite a total lack of previous evidence, the guy actually does have a puckish sense of humor. What ho, Phil!

Family Man bows out

Phillipe & Jorge were all moist-eyed reading the BeloJo's "Political Scene" item recounting the moving tributes to state Representative Vincent "Family Man" Mesolella (aka the "Plug" and "Disco Vin") offered from the House floor last Tuesday evening in a salute to the retiring legislative bully boy.

Obviously, all of us who write about Rhode Island politics are that much poorer for the departure of such a towering figure of the Ole Boy Network. And even a few Republicans (which is about all there is in the Biggest Little) joined in last Tuesday, praising Family Man for his loyalty and his ability to operate successfully in the hallowed Halitosis Hall.

Of course, mention of traits considered largely useless in the legislature (you know, things like vision, accountability to the average taxpayer, commitment to open government, concerns about ethical conduct, and refraining from profiting by bellying up to the political trough) were not among the subjects covered in this moving ceremony. Guess the discussion about the far more noble values of loyalty and winning at all costs took up all the time.

As for Disco Vin himself, he did his best to be inspirational, noting (according to the Other Paper) that anyone who says House leaders resist open government is doing a disservice to hard-working legislators. Heaven knows where anyone got the notion that the House leadership is comprised of threat-spewing, arm-twisting, power-mongering bully boys with a penchant for making all-important decisions without the hassle of such time-wasters as "open debate" or "citizen input."

Although Vinny fell short of announcing that he'll send the name of fellow 1998 House retiree "George of the Jungle" Caruolo to the Vatican to be considered for sainthood, Family Man made certain that everyone knew how proud he was to have been part of the status quo, the finest, most open, least corrupt government in the land. Good luck, Disco Vin. We are certain that, in the future, you'll never use your political connections to receive favorable treatment in any big moneymaking schemes.

Art alert

For something a little different, very cool, and in support of a good cause, check out the exhibition/sale of more than two-dozen paintings by internationally known Nicaraguan artists at the Sol Gallery, 1668 Broad Street, in the Edgewood section of Cranston. The four-week show opens Friday, July 10 and features brilliantly colored paintings done in the classic Central American "primitivista" style.

Because the painters are largely unknown in the United States (although their works are exhibited widely in Central and Latin American and frequently in Europe), the prices will be very reasonable. Also, a variety of handmade objects from Nicaragua will be for sale.

All of this is in order to raise money for the Providence-Niquinohomo Sister City Project that, since 1986, has built a health center and a school and continues to provide material aid (most prominently medical supplies) to the people of Niquinohomo.

Mammoth undertaking

Anyone who has been to Casa Diablo knows that Phillipe & Jorge are not Luddites. Hell, we even have an electric can opener to open the tins of Alpo pate we keep on hand in case any members of the General Assembly stop by to chew the fat and put a little something on their Saltines.

Still, sometimes we just don't understand the scientific point of something. Take, for example, a recent report from London by the Reuters news service about how British, Russian, and Japanese scientists are cooperating on a new project. Could it be the eradication of a widespread disease, the creation of a new restorative drug that will aid health or prolong life?

No, the scientists' stated aim is to mount an expedition to the frozen north in order to extract Wooly Mammoth sperm from frozen mammoths in the permafrost of eastern Siberia. Well, at least this will be easier than trying to extract sperm from unfrozen mammoths.

But that's precisely the point. There are no mammoths. The scientists plan to fertilize elephant eggs with the mammoth sperm. "Cross-breeding with successive generations would allow the hybrids gradually to become pure genetic copies of their mammoth ancestors," says Reuters.

A couple of years back, your superior correspondents enjoyed Jurassic Park as much as the next guy in line (who just happened to be our houseboy, Captain Lou Albano, Jr., who left our employ soon after seeing the film, believing that somewhere out there was a pile of dinosaur dung larger than the one in the movie and that it would somehow yield a fortune). But we draw the line at the reanimation of giant ancient animals as a reasonable way to spend one's time and money.

Don't you think that something with a more humanitarian theme, such as a bomb that would totally destroy Las Vegas but nothing else, would be a more viable pursuit?"

Kudos & congrats . . .

. . . to 23-year-old, 135-pound trencherman Hirofumi Nakajima, for triumphing once again over Charles "Hungry" Hardy (29 years old, 387 pounds) in Coney Island's annual 4th of July Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. Hirofumi wolfed down 19 dogs (with buns) in 12 minutes to Hungry's 17. The record is 24, set by Hirofumi last year. Of course, no one has explained how they settled on 12 minutes for a time period. But no mystery or subtlety involved in that other great Independence Day tradition, the 25th Annual International Cherry Pit Spit in Eau Claire, Michigan. It was a family affair as Brian Krause, 20, of Saunders, Arizona, beat his father Rick's North American record of 72 feet, 7 inches (held since 1988) by three inches (kinda like the difference between Phillipe & Jorge, but we won't tell you which is which).

. . . to Vo Dilun's PBS affiliate, Channel 36 (WSBE), for a gesture almost unheard of in the world of television. On Friday, June 26, the station was airing one of the Lovejoy Mysteries when it went off the air about five minutes too early, cutting off the end of the program. A number of people called the station, and not only did Channel 36 run the final five minutes prior to the next week's installment of Lovejoy Mysteries but (and here's the amazing part) they actually acknowledged their mistake! P&J ask you, How many times have you seen really dumb mistakes? You know, stuff like a station gloating about its recent purchase of "dopplar radar" technology for its weather reports, and only correcting the misspelling after being repeatedly told by viewers that it's d-o-p-p-l-e-r. Then again, probably no one in Rhode Island would mind if they spelled it d-o-p-p-l-a-h, as the assumption would be that the station is just bowing to traditional local pronunciations. That no one ever 'fesses up to making a mistake in

local media (and, believe us, this is policy) even after you have drunkenly called to complain about the error and to demand that 60 Minutes be replaced by reruns of F Troop (or, at the very least, have CBS let Larry Storch sit in for Mike Wallace) makes the television and radio stations appear even more laughable. So thanks to Channel 36 for actually acting like human beings.

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