Up on his hind legs

Should our close personal friend, House Majority Leader "George of the Jungle" Caruolo, start to read this, we suggest he sit down.

Last week on the House floor, this man, who only a few years ago was heard to exclaim, "I don't give a shit about education" in his private State House chambers, gave a stirring speech in support of charter schools in Vo Dilun while lobbyists for the teachers unions alternately squirmed and fumed. Talk about a 180-degree turnabout for Jungle Boy!

As a result of Caruolo's passion and eloquence, the charter schools bill passed the House by a single vote. Obviously, the majority leader's defiance of the union lobby confirms that he will not seek reelection this fall. Indeed, George of the Jungle can expect payback from the union butt boys and girls in the House for his actions -- i.e., goodbye to any of Caruolo's pet bills next session.

It has often been pointed out that, except for advertising their distaste and disdain for open government and ethics reform at the State House, Speaker Pucky Harwood and George of the Jungle have a leadership tenure with no legacy. Questionable electricity deregulation and slandering "would-be reformers" aside, this might be one thing Jungle Boy can point back to with pride.

Also, tip your hat to state Representative Paul Crowley for his persistence in supporting legislation on behalf of charter schools that wasn't gutted by the unions.

Still smokin' at the BeloJo

One of the most thankless jobs at the Other Paper has to be editing the "TV Week" listings that appear each Sunday. With the explosion of cable television in recent years, working one's way through the TV section grids in the BeloJo must be more frustrating and time-consuming than completing the crossword puzzle in the weekly New York Times Magazine.

This is not to say that this exercise does not have its pleasures. Indeed, Casa Diablo regular and mysterious man about town Dr. Oldie is a true connoisseur of the Sunday television supplement. He is, after all, the man who once claimed in a Brown Alumni magazine article that he may have watched more hours of television than anyone alive. And since no one has risen to the bait and challenged the good Doctor on this, we have every reason to believe it's true.

Well, the Doctor recently called Casa Diablo to point out a fascinating phenomenon in last week's "TV Week" section. Seems that on Tuesday, May 5, the Comedy Channel screened the landmark Cheech and Chong celluloid opus Still Smokin' twice. The 4 p.m. listing gave the film an "E" rating, but, lo and behold, by 8:30 p.m. Still Smokin' had been upgraded to a "C."

The obvious explanation for this has less to do with any changes in the film itself than with chemical changes that may be occurring in the synapses of the viewer. And let's face it -- anyone who would sit through this movie twice in one day obviously resorts to herbal medication to bolster his/her stamina. To our knowledge, the BeloJo is the first publication to indicate that watching Cheech and Chong movies is a participatory sport.

Voter initiative -- it's a complex world

To those who continue to work on voter initiative legislation here in the Biggest Little, P&J highly recommend Peter Schrag's new book, Paradise Lost: California's Experience, America's Future (New York, the New Press), which chronicles how representative government has become distorted by ill-considered initiative laws. The book starts with California's Proposition 13 severely eroding (among other things) a once-model public school and university system that now ranks among the worst in the nation.

Last week, the New York Times also ran a story on how poorly the television news in California covers politics these days. While a "chicken or the egg" argument ensues over the root cause of what appears to be overwhelming voter apathy in that state, a careful reading of the story reveals that, once again, California's long and troubled experience with voter initiative plays a large role.

While not opposed to initiative in principle, your superior correspondents are very concerned about how such legislation will work in practice. California's experience should be heeded.

Exhaust fumes

There isn't a person in the universe more phony or self-serving than Vice President Al "Two-by-four" Gore. If there is a God in heaven, Gore will be slaughtered in the primary for his party's 2000 presidential candidacy to spare us his condescending speechifying.

The latest example of Gore's shallowness and willingness to abandon any principle he pretends to have came in his address to the Economic Club of Detroit, which (as those of you who aren't quite as stupid as Vice President Whore makes you out to be might realize) means "Automakers Club of Detroit," as the auto industry is synonymous with economics in the Motor City.

Said Whore to his new best friends, "Here in Motor City, we recognize that cars have done more than fuel our commerce. Cars have freed the American spirit and given us the chance to chase our dreams."

To this, Phillipe and Jorge take down our dusty copy of Earth in the Balance, which Gore purports (however ludicrously) to have written and cite the following quotes from the 800,000-member-United Automobile-Workers buddy: "[Pollution from automobiles is] a mortal threat to the security of every nation." Or how about "...it ought to be possible to establish a coordinated global program to accomplish the strategic goal of completely eliminating the internal combustion engine over, say, a twenty-five year period." (Earth In the Balance, by the way, was written in 1992 -- 19 years to go, Two-by-four. We'll bring the electric limo around for you promptly.)

Then there is this gem to our patriotic American worker and capitalist: "Once again, the Japanese auto companies have disproved the mercantilist chestnut, `What's good for General Motors is good for America.' "

Nice to see real courage in action. Free to chase our dreams, indeed, Mr. Whore. Just don't worry about those pesky on-the-record remarks.

NBA = National Basketball Arseholes

An absolutely staggering article in the May 4 issue of Sports Illustrated on the number of out-of-wedlock and illegitimate children fathered by pro athletes in the US. While the guilty parties include people of all shapes and colors from all sports, the worst abuses were found in the National Basketball Association.

Former NBA player-turned-color commentator Len Elmore, who quit working as an agent for NBA players in disgust for this appalling behavior, reckons that, one average, there is a fatherless child for every one of the 250-plus players in the NBA, some having none and others having two, three, or as many as seven -- that the player actually admits to.

Glad to see that sex education and those condom ads are making big inroads in one of America's glamour sports.

Our own horn

P&J were among the attendees at last Friday evening's annual Rhode Island Press Association awards dinner at the Viking Hotel in Newport. We were there primarily to root on nominees from our own Providence Phoenix and we were not disappointed.

News editor Jody Ericson copped a first place for "best news story" for her piece on how Brown University handled a controversial sexual assault case two years ago, while Steve Stycos took the gold in the "investigative/ analytical news story or series" category for his look at the Federal Trade Commission troubles of Hasbro and other toy manufacturers.

Coming up with first places in two of the most highly coveted categories is a real feather in the Phoenix's cap. Jody also received a second place for "religious feature story" for her report on the departure of Bishop Louis Gelineau from the Providence Diocese and a third in "feature story" for her expose on Providence gangs. Steve garnered an honorable mention in the "environment/science feature" category for a piece on hospitals burning medical waste.

As always, it was also nice to see all the newspaper folk, especially fave rave journalists like Jim Gillis of the Newport Daily News, Jim Baron of the Times of Pawtucket, and Gerry Goldstein of the BeloJo's South County bureau. Alexis Magner Miller of the BeloJo, who copped a second prize in the "Spirit of Rhode Island" category, brought along her spouse, Wayne, whose most recent book, Toy Wars, is an excellent read. Congrats to all the ink-stained wretches.

Sad to say, though, that this might be your superior correspondents' last RIPA awards banquet unless the organization can come up with more "P&J-friendly" categories. (How about a "Most irresponsible but funny column," for instance?) We suspect that Mark Patinkin also will suffer until a "most yupped-up" category is added as well. Just a suggestion.

Kudos & congrats . . .

. . . to state Representative Edie Ajello for shepherding through the House a bill to strike the ludicrous "sodomy" law from the books. It is a stupid law, subject to what Steve "Bad Hair" Brown of the ACLU rightly contends is "arbitrary enforcement." Good luck to Senate sponsor John Roney as he attempts to move the legislation through the next hurdle.

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