P&J's Cool, Cool New Year's Eve bash

This year, we went with a theme-oriented party -- "Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God Almighty Ed DiPrete is Free at Last." Obviously, this was in honor of the dropping of charges, based on prosecutorial misconduct, in the Ed & Dennis corruption case. From the perspective of Ed, Dennis, and their attorneys, the judge's decision is tantamount to exoneration. And if it's good enough for them, it`s good enough for Phillipe & Jorge.

Of course, Ed & Dennis's great victory was not the only thing to celebrate this year. In another contest with remarkable parallels to the DiPrete case, Phillipe played a round of golf with Tiger Woods a few months back. When it was discovered that Tiger's caddy nudged one of the Masters champ's balls with his foot (ouch!) just off the fairway on the 7th hole, Tiger was disqualified and Phillipe immediately declared himself "Greatest Golfer Who Has Ever Lived or Will Ever Live," despite his disappointing score that day of 93 (although he did do better on the back 9).

Anyway, it's always nice to have a theme and to be able to decorate accordingly. We, of course, had a big Walt's Dumpster out on the lawn, in which guests could dive for various prizes. During one particularly amusing moment, Senate majority leader Paul Kelly tried to convince Lieutenant Governor Bernie Jackvony that the Dumpster was actually one of those new "industrial credenzas" that everyone in Finland is so crazy about and that he could arrange to have it added to Bernie's fine furniture collection in his Smith Hill office.

Speaking of furniture, former Cookson head ramrod Richard Oster made a dramatic arrival when he emerged from his limo accompanied by Mark Weiner. Weiner was on all fours, had a dollar bill in his mouth, and wore a leather leash with diamond-studded collar.

Oster seemed to make little headway, however, in talking up his proposed gubernatorial challenge among the many guests. Indeed, no one seemed impressed with Oster, who wielded a cattle prod to get the attention of the waitstaff whenever he needed a grape peeled, until he dropped the prod and whipped out a hunting knife and a small satchel containing what he claimed were the testicles of John from Alperts. At this point, many town and city Democratic committee members began murmuring and nodding their heads as Myrth York shrieked and fled the room, screaming, "Bring me the heads of NiRoPe."

Governor Bigfoot, who might have gotten a kick out of all this hubbub, missed most of it as he snored away on the couch. He was covered above the waist by a veritable vest of doughnut crumbs and below the waist with a very large pink tutu -- a suggestion of political advisor Ed Morabito, who said it would be a dramatic expression of the guv's support for the arts in Vo Dilun, an issue that many believe is owned by Mayor Buddy "Vincent" Cianci.

The Bud-I was there, of course, and as much as he enjoys riding horses, this evening he rode around on the backs of a number of the other guests. It was rumored that the person who gave the mayor the best ride could look forward to being the next head of the Providence/Warwick Convention and Visitors Bureau.

After this, the help at Casa D. found their workload cut considerably when it was announced that the Democrats would all eat with plastic forks and that the Republicans would forego utensils altogether. This also helped ease the worry of the Missing Linc's campaign head ramrod, John "Monsieur Pompadour" Holmes. He always gets a little confused when he has to deviate from his favored and familiar bib-'n'-trough-style dining.

A few editors from the BeloJo stopped by the Casa as well, to run a story by us about corruption in Pawtucket and state Democratic Party chairman Richard James. The Other Paper is thinking Pulitzer again with this dynamite premise: 1) Tom McCoy, who was involved in many questionable and illegal practices, was once mayor of Pawtucket, 2) Brian Sarault, who was also involved in illegal practices, was once mayor of Pawtucket, and 3) Richard James lives in Pawtucket and (here's the kicker) once ran for mayor of Pawtucket.

The feeling at the newspaper is that just because there appears to be absolutely no connection between anything or anybody (let alone any wrongdoing, implications of wrongdoing, or even rumors of wrongdoing) they can't just let Richard James off the hook on this. So the BeloJo is thinking about going with the story but will sit on it until one or two days before an election.

There was talk of providing outside entertainment for this year's party, but your superior correspondents decided to pass, primarily because Siegfried and Roy were already booked and Johnny Mathis was said to be out of the country this week, cruising the Nile. (It wouldn't be the first time.) We'd also considered hiring magician David Copperfield, but Jorge had been so right when he'd pointed out, "What do we need that for when we've got our own magic man coming -- Bob Weygand?"

And, indeed, Congressman Bob thrilled the crowd early with the illusion he is so famous for -- appearing to occupy a suit when, in reality, it is empty. His congressional cohort, Patrick Kennedy, took a whack at this trick as well, but his high-pitched voice gave him away.

Later Bob unveiled a few other illusions, such as the one in which he talked at length but, magically, said nothing. At about this time, a lot of the people walked away from Bob's performance, claiming they'd seen Cianci do the same trick, only much better.

Speaking of Patrick, since his polling numbers have taken a dive, there has been a lot of Republican folk out there speculating about (or, rather, watering at the mouth over) the prospect of general treasurer Nancy Mayer throwing her broomstick into the ring . . . Hey, we're only kidding about the broomstick. Despite the image that your standard deadwood bureaucrat and layabout pensioner have of Nancy (i.e., the Wicked Witch of the West), we know her to be a fun-lovin' gal.

That's why we believe that rather than take on Patrick, she'll opt to go on the road with her own country-western revue, for which she'll do a medley from Annie Get Your Gun and a little trick shootin' with live ammunition. Yeeee-hah!

Sorry to say that the broadcast media was not as well-represented this year as they usually are. Some of this may have to do with the fact that the great Ginger Casey is still on the sidelines with back problems. We really, really miss her.

We miss Jeff Derderian too, although we missed the former Channel 6 reporter even when he was here, as we couldn't see him much of the time.

There was a bit of a buzz when Jeff showed up and was spotted in a room with both state Representative David Cicilline and US Senator Jack Reed. Hasbro veep Al Verrechia rushed in to buttonhole the trio about his idea for an all-new Mini-Mod Squad line. Hasbro, after all, is not only cutting its workforce by 20 percent but everything else, including the size of its toys and the company's moral stature.

It was tough, but your superior correspondents once again managed to cajole a very special someone to join us this New Year's Eve. Well, actually, we have to admit that it was a little bit easier than in past years, since Marv Albert really didn't have too many other invitations. But it really was a thrill to have him there nonetheless -- no matter what kind of underwear and head covering he was wearing. That's because everyone feels so much better when there is someone present who is easily more despicable than they are.

Maybe next year George of the Jungle Caruolo and Pucky Harwood will rejoin the festivities. We understand that they were out at Kennedy Plaza, under the mistaken impression that the ice rink was already up, shooting slapshots at cardboard cutouts of Bigfoot. Happy New Year to yooz and yours.

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