Think, Linc!

Phillipe and Jorge will award a chilled Pernod-and-grapefruit and a set of Lee Press-On Nails to anyone who can tell us what goes on in Governor Bigfoot's brain. In the midst of the biggest national political fund-raising scandal in recent memory, the Missing Linc plans to attend campaign money-raisers thrown by lawyers named in DEPCO lawsuits.

Was this sudden enthusiasm for Big Linc jump-started by the news of Ernst & Young's recent out-of-court settlement with DEPCO to the tune of $103 million? Well, people close to the investigation say that the Ernst & Young deal was the first sound of the death knell for both Edwards & Angell and Adler, Pollock & Sheehan in DEPCO's battle to recover Rhode Island taxpayers' money.

But with his own investigators targeting Eddie & Angie's James Skeffington and Charles Rogers, both partners at the firm, Bigfoot is prepared to be the guest of honor at their November 6 fund-raiser. Geez, no apparent conflict of interest there -- and Liz Taylor doesn't look like she has a weight problem. Hey, maybe they'll just chat about the Patriots.

And on November 13, three lawyers from Addit, Porkem & Seeya will round up the big bills for the Missing Linc's campaign once again at an affair at which no quid pro quo could possibly be considered. Can you spell "ethics," Guv?

Most dismaying and disturbing is the reaction from the people close to Bigfoot. When informed of the potential conflict, Linc's reelection campaign chairman, John "Monsieur Pompadour" Holmes, told the Urinal, "I didn't know that." But he promised to "remind" Ed "Black Pope" Morabito, Almond's chief of staff, about it. Thanks, John. Very reassuring.

Then out trots the GOP's legal counsel, Patrick Guida, to try to explain that the DEPCO suits were against the law firms, not the individuals in them. And just to make you clutch your head in your hands and start moaning, Guida added, "There are members of the public who may not understand that distinction, but I hope it will be explained to them." Why didn't you just say there was "no controlling legal authority" to add insult to the condescension, Patrick?

Remember, folks -- you're too stupid to understand this stuff, so Linc's white boys in suits will just explain it all to you. How did this mob ever get away from a Clinton administration job search?

The Chafee Times

There used to be a running joke about the Urinal's often fluffy coverage of Senator John Chafee -- sort of like Brooke Astor's popping up in the "Sunday Style" section of the New York Times. In both cases, the fawning was considered to have been driven by the rich white folks on the newspaper's board of directors, folks who wanted to further the careers and celebrity status of their friends -- the senator and the socialite.

So it was a blast from the past last week when the BeloJo put out its first "Chafee for Senate 2000" edition on October 16. The august solon managed to get his name into the subhead of two articles and into the lead paragraph of another and the caption of a photo. What's more, it was all on page B-1, the front page of the Rhode Island section. And just in case this wasn't enough to please publisher Steve Hamblett and his posse of Episcopalians, the editors also managed a photo of Big John looking fit and chipper on page B-4.

We hope this sends a clear signal to young Patrick Kennedy about what he will be up against when he goes for Chafee's seat in 2000. While tooling around the country with Dick Gephardt in an embarrassing suck-up partnership and raising money from folks who wouldn't know Woonsocket from Walla Walla (which makes you wonder very seriously whether Patrick cares more about Vo Dilun or joining the Billionaire Boys Club in Washington), Kennedy had best beware of the clout Chafee has on Fountain Street.

Stadium redux?

At least a couple of well-connected Vo Dilunduhs believe that the Patriots stadium deal may come back to our court. Last week on Channel 36's Deadly Experiment, former Lt. Gov. and WHJJ talk host Tom DiLuglio said that his "sources" (and we don't know exactly who these sources might be, but rest assured, Tom has sources) indicated that the Kraft people may take another look at Providence if the stadium talks in Massachusetts continue to flounder.

Over the weekend, Phillipe & Jorge also ran into our indefatigable former governor, Bruce Sundlun. Although our conversation was not officially on-the-record, we're sure that the Captain wouldn't mind our telling you that he also thinks (based on his Bay State sources) that the Patriots may become frustrated with the dickering in Massachusetts and return to talk with Rhode Island officials. If so, will the Bud-I be included this time?

Only time will tell if there will be a "round 2" to the stadium talks, but if they do come to pass, steel yourselves, because this time around, it could get real.

"So that's what we're supposed to be doing!"

It was quite interesting watching the House and Senate play catch-up after the General Assembly's disgusting rollover for state Representative Vinnie "Family Man" Mesolella in July. At the end of last session, the State House's good-old boy had managed to ram through a $550,000 budget for the Underground Storage Tank Review Fund Board with no review by legislators whatsoever.

Then, after being called back this week before the House and Senate Finance committees, Mesolella admitted that he doesn't even have a budget yet and hasn't paid any claims, which the money was intended for. Even worse, Mesolella complains now that the process for paying claims is too complicated for his Neanderthal brain to comprehend.

Faced with Mesolella's sitting on top of his windfall, the normally reliable House Finance Committee chairman Tony Pires took the genial approach. Telling Mesolella that his board should put a budget together for next year, Pires explained, "We're like financial nerds. We like to see these things."

Right, Tony. We believe that's why you were elected. And as for the "financial nerds" part, at least you're halfway right on that one.

Joustng in Jersey

How sad when friends have a falling-out! The New York Times reported this week that former pals Donald Trump and New Jersey Governor Christie Todd Whitman (aka Whitewoman) are no longer close buds. The prime bone of contention seems to be Whitewoman's commitment to a $330 million tunnel and roadway project in Atlantic City that would greatly benefit Trump nemesis Steve Wynn by providing access to a new Wynn gambling development.

The suddenly civic-minded Trump has complained far and wide about the public expenditure involved in the proposed tunnel and road, the rule being that only public expenditures benefitting Trump are truly worthy projects.

Much more entertaining, however, are some of the peripheral expressions of hurt the Gotham-based vulgarian has expressed. Trump feels miffed, he says, because when Barry Manilow abruptly cancelled his performance at Whitman's inaugural gala (and how perfect is that?!) Donnie Boy came to the rescue by shuffling his entertainment schedule at his Trump Plaza and dispatching Paul Anka to entertain the Whitewoman partygoers. With friends like that . . . .

Donny also claims that Whitewoman threatened to pull his casino license if he went forward with a planned $2 million advertising campaign against Whitewoman's support of the project in the final days of the New Jersey gubernatorial campaign. Christie denies it, but thanks to her and the Vulgarian, New Jersey can now lay serious claim to being an entertainment capital.

Trick or treat

Your superior correspondents received a press release this week noting that this Sunday, October 26, Operation Clean Government will host "a stimulating forum" at its annual meeting. It will consist of a panel discussion on the "separation of powers" that will include US Attorney Sheldon Whitehouse, Phil West of Common Cause, and "two costumed phantom legislators."

While P&J are always wary of any event that needs to bill itself as "stimulating," we must admit that we are intrigued by the"two costumed phantom legislators" part. Will it be "George of the Jungle" Caruolo decked out in Grim Reaper attire and Vincent "Family Man" Mesolella sporting pickpocket garb from a community theater production of Oliver? Maybe that dear friend to all reformer groups, Pucky Harwood, will appear in full hockey regalia. Even though he wasn't a goalie, we'd suggest that he pick up a netminder's mask to deflect slap shots -- or at least tossed dinner rolls -- sure to be launched in his direction.

Regardless of who the "phantom legislators" are, it sounds like a classic Vo Dilun political sports event. This Halloween spectacular is free and open to the public. It will take place at the Rhodes Place Restaurant at the Shrine Club (Broad Street and Rhodes Place, Cranston) from 2:30 to 4:30 p.m.

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