Letter from London

Phillipe and Jorge employed our own foreign correspondent to cover Princess Di's funeral -- Phillipe's sister, Sally, who has lived in the Belsize Park area of London for the past 15 years. She's a rock musician, with four albums to her credit, and an editor at the Guinness Book of Records, which fits marvelously into the rampant Casa Diablo culture of split personalities. Unfortunately, she also was celebrating her birthday on the day of the funeral, which put severe constraints on the partying. Here are excerpts of her firsthand account of the Greatest Show on Earth, British version.

OK, so here's the news from this end. For me, the highlight of the funeral was Earl Spencer's speech. All meat and no fat. Beautifully written, beautifully delivered, and straight in the bull's eye. Everyone else's words paled in comparison, seeming like sentimental drivel. And the symbolic response to Earl Spencer's speech? The applause of the people outside, which spread like a forest fire up the steps and through Westminster Abbey until everyone inside was clapping as well (although William and Harry were the only members of the Royal Family to do so -- a good sign that the two boys possess the right impulses).

That moment was a wonderful metaphor for the tail wagging the dog (the tail being the people; the dog, the aristocracy), which has exemplified this whole week. And Diana's brother, of course, has emerged as the unsuspected and unlikely hero in all of this. Extraordinary.

As they carried the coffin out of the abbey and into the hearse, I decided to walk up to the Finchley Road (about a 15-minute hike), where the funeral procession would pass. That moment was the eeriest of all. As I left, everyone else was leaving their homes as well. People poured out of their front doors onto the streets, all walking in the same direction, like lemmings heading for the cliff's edge.

It felt like some kind of science-fiction movie, where everyone looks almost human but there's something a bit strange. It seemed as though we'd been turned into robots the night before and had programmed by aliens to behave in a way the aliens thought was perfectly human, but it didn't look quite right.

[Husband] Dave has a friend who has a flat overlooking the Finchley Road, so we headed there for a bird's-eye view of the procession. As the entourage passed, people threw flowers at the hearse, and I began to think that Diana would be involved in yet another car crash, as it was almost to the point where the driver couldn't see over all the flowers on the hood of the car. In the end, he had to use the windshield wipers to brush them away. Fortunately, I managed to refrain from throwing myself onto the hood of the car and shouting, "Excuse me, but some people are trying to celebrate their birthdays you know."

I'd say most people were taken in by the sentimental response to Princess Di's death. But there were a few hard-bitten types who dared to speak out against the public hysteria and to risk being tarred, feathered, lynched, drawn and quartered. An Irish-Catholic workmate of mine was full of bile about the event -- i.e., hated Princess Diana, thought she was just a stupid old Sloane and that her death would only make the monarchy more popular.

Before the Queen did an about-face and went on the air saying how much she respected Princess Diana (she must have been kicking and screaming inside when she said that line), the public was deeply entrenched in royalty bashing. But the anger seemed to dissolve into mass forgiveness after the Queen's speech to the nation. And when she complied by flying the flag at half-mast, even more was forgiven.

Although people are still a bit pissed off with them, the monarchy climbed down about as much as they possibly could. I'm beginning to agree with my friend that losing Di may have been the best thing that ever happened to them.

Muddying the abominable and detestable waters

On Tuesday morning, your superior correspondents caught a few moments of WHJJ's Tom & Mike Show. One of the topics of discussion was a story about two Massachusetts men who had experienced a bumpy cruise through North Smithfield the week before. What was fascinating about the discussion was how virtually everyone, from the hosts to the callers, seemed to miss the point.

In brief, what happened was that on the previous Tuesday, a man reported to the North Smithfield police that his wallet had been stolen. After he explained the circumstances of this (that his wallet had been stolen by a guy with whom he'd been having sex in the woods near the weigh station on Route 146), the police arrested the complainant.

Later, they arrested the guy who allegedly had stolen the wallet and charged both men with violating Vo Dilun's 19th-century anti-sodomy law (aka the "abominable and detestable crimes against nature" act) and with loitering for indecent purposes. When news of this spread throughout the lesbigay community, folks were outraged, but a planned protest never took shape, because Attorney General Jeff Pine's office quickly announced the A.G. wouldn't prosecute. Spokesman Gregg Perry noted that the policy is not to charge consenting adults with the abominable and detestable statute, a felony, "unless there are [special] circumstances."

But when the topic came up for discussion on the radio, Pine was criticized for being selective about which crimes he prosecuted, and people were outraged that anyone would try to justify the concept of sex in public. What was not discussed on 'HJJ, however, was the abominable and detestable law itself -- the primary reason for why the lesbigay community (and the American Civil Liberties Union, among others) was up in arms and why the AG's office (correctly) backed off.

We're talking about a felony charge that has a penalty of seven to 20 years. That is why this is a big deal, not to mention that, historically, the "selective prosecution" of this crime has excluded heteros. (Or do you figure that heteros don't have sex outdoors?)

In this case, police did not witness the supposedly "public" sexual activity off Rt. 146. It only came to light after one of the men came in to report his wallet stolen. Now, let's say that you're a married, heterosexual male, and your house gets broken into while you're engaged in oral sex with your wife. Wouldn't you be upset if the police charged you with the abominable and detestable law after you reported the break? Wouldn't you be upset if you and your wife were facing seven to 20 in the slammer? That's what this is all about, and that's why this archaic law (the Biggest Little is in the minority in still having an anti-sodomy statute) should be deep-sixed.

On the other hand, kudos to Tom (DiLuglio), who went public last week with a letter he received from former DOT director Bill Bundy. Among other things, the letter questioned the racial sensitivity of Governor Bigfoot's inner circle. In other words, "Earth to Ed Morabito . . . this is not Alabama, 1962."

Polluting the waters

While we might be missing the point here in Vo Dilun, at least we don't have anything approaching a Rich Agozino. What is a Rich Agozino? you ask. Richie-boy is the host of a radio talk show on KBRT-AM in Costa Mesa, California, called Crosstalk. On August 29, Agozino urged his listeners to write to their legislators and ask them to create some new laws that would line up with his view of what God's punishment should be for homosexuals.

The New York Times got a transcript of the show, during which Agozino said, "Lesbian love, sodomy are viewed by God as being detestable and abominable. Civil magistrates are to put people

to death who practice these things."

That's right, Richie. None of that permissive "seven to 20 years in prison" stuff that we have in Rhode Island. The station manager at KBRT was quoted as saying that he felt Agozino's show was merely "an honest dialogue concerning Christian beliefs."

I wish I hadn't said that, vols. 1, 2, and 3

While the British media fell all over themselves to extol their wondrous and exalted princess in her death, their flaming and shameless hypocrisy is more than apparent in the newspaper articles (courtesy of Private Eye) that went to print prior to the announcement of Di's death.

"Princess Di's press relations are now clearly established. Any publicity is good publicity . . . I'm told he and Di are made for each other, both having more brass than brains."

-- Bernard Ingram, Express on Sunday, August 31

"It's a pity Gucci doesn't make designer face zips, then when Princess Diana was on the verge of opening her ill-informed mouth and causing an international incident (an increasingly frequent occurrence these days) she could just zip her trap shut . . . The Princess, I fear, suffers from the `Open Gob Before Brain Engages' syndrome -- a condition which afflicts the trivial and the brain dead."

-- Carol Malone, Sunday Mirror, August 31

"Diana has said publicly that the Tories were hopeless . . . It always slightly amazes me how the press picks up on stuff like this, as if it were compelling genius insight of Arisotelian wisdom and Shavian wit, as opposed to the witterings of a woman who, if her IQ were five points lower, would have to be watered daily."

-- "Mrs. Blair's Diary," The Observer, August 31

R.I.P., indeed.

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