Loose talk

According to a Brown University poll conducted in June, Attorney General Jeff "Tortured Toupee" Pine still has a rather high job favorability rating. How long this will continue is anybody's guess, but the arrest last week in Newport of Cesar Moreno, the former undercover agent for the A.G.'s disgraced Strike Force and the "star witness" in a number of cases that had to be dropped after Moreno allegedly lied about drug purchases, cannot be good news for Mr. Law Enforcement.

In the Other Paper's story on the Moreno arrest, we loved the quote culled from an earlier BeloJo article on the Strike Force in which another member of this "elite" group noted that Moreno was a key member of the team because he could "walk the walk and talk the talk."

Of course, the Strike Force was really on to something here. After all, if the allegations against Moreno prove true, "walking and talking" like a regular drug user probably was enhanced greatly by Moreno's being an actual user.

Up in Boston, the FBI seems to have taken this lesson to heart. In court, the federal agency has been accused of investigating mob killers by having their own mob killers (Whitey Bulger, et al.) on the payroll. Yes, fighting crime is a difficult and dirty business, but the supposed "good guys" oughta know that certain lines should not be crossed or snorted (whatever the case may be) if you want to keep your white hat.

Speaking of the Tortured Toupee, your superior correspondents noticed that on Friday, the A.G. released a statement regarding his office's successful prosecution of Joseph McManus, the man who murdered his wife in Narragansett last summer. Jeff said, "This marks the first time that a jury has found aggravating circumstances in a domestic-violence homicide."

We refer the attorney general to the 1992 case of the State vs. Frank Moniz, prosecuted under his predecessor, Jim O'Neil. In that instance, a jury also found aggravated circumstances (i.e., torture) and recommended life without parole. That Moniz was given a lesser sentence was the doing of the trial judge, not the jury. We believe that Jeff was working as an assistant A.G. at the time, so P&J figure he should have remembered the case. So much for press releases.

A day late and a quote short

No doubt there were red faces in the newsroom at Fountain Street, where the Urinal was beaten big-time on a story concerning Dr. David Kern, the Brown University professor who was fired by Pawtucket's Memorial Hospital for presenting a paper that revealed his findings on a new workplace-related lung disease.

The BeloJo ran a front-page story on the firing on Monday, which of course had nothing to do with the Boston Globe's piece on Kern in its Metro | Region section the day before. This is known as getting scooped, ardent readers.

P&J wanted to think that the Other Paper had been out in front on the story and had been simply biding its time, but then we discovered that the BeloJo had resorted to using quotes that had appeared in the Globe to bulk up Monday's story. Evidently, hospital spokesman Rick Dietz had decided that sitting at home on a sunny Sunday waiting for Our Little Towne's august organ to play catch-up hadn't been worth the trouble.

P&J were also shocked to see that the Urinal did not even mention that Kern describes himself (to the Globe, at least) as a third-generation resident of Pawtucket, the site of the plant where he discovered the new disease. For a paper that prides itself on playing up any affiliation a prominent person has with The Biggest, the BeloJo's oversight was curious. Was it because the Globe had used the information up front in its third paragraph? Is there a doctor of journalism in the house?

Reality bites

Your superior correspondents figure that it's just another sure sign of the apocalypse that 1.9 million people were willing to shell out $95 million for the privilege of watching Mike Tyson eat lunch on Saturday, June 28. Granted, lunch was a bit of a surprise when the platter du jour turned out to be Evander Holyfield's ear, but a championship boxing match had been promised after all.

By now anyone with half a brain knows that the phrase "A Don King Production" is synonymous with "this is a world-class scam," but apparently, after years of watching pro wrestlers make-believe that they are munching on opponents' body parts, the audience has expanded for the real thing.

We bring up Tyson's prime time meltdown not as a singular heinous event but as part of what seems like a new national trend of bite-mania. For instance, among the charges leveled against sportscaster Marv Albert by a woman in the Washington, DC, area is that he bit her on the back. According to the woman (and there is a very fishy smell about this whole case), the alleged biting had a sexual context.

We're not sure how that works exactly, but we assume dental forensic experts (who should be very busy this summer) will be able to judge with some degree of certainty whether Marv's choppers were the ones that made the indentations in her back. ("Yesss!")

Meanwhile, in Hollyweird, native Arkansan and Academy Award-winning screenwriter/director/ actor Billy Bob Thornton is in the midst of a very nasty divorce and child custody battle with his estranged wife, Pietra. In court papers filed by her, Pietra says that one of the more unpleasant aspects of their four-year marriage was Thornton's biting. With or without protective mouthguards?

Cooking up a campaign

We continue to hear whispers at Casa Diablo that the Bud-I, head ramrod of Providence, would relish a three- or four-way race for the governor's seat. If that's true, he must have been cheered by the appreciative reception he got at Bristol's Fourth of July Parade last Friday. The Other Paper's coverage of the event described "scores of Cianci fans who darted onto Hope Street to hug Cianci, shake hands with him, and snap his picture."

But wait! The BeloJo also reported that another marcher received "one of the wildest receptions seen in recent years." Indeed, Biggest Little politicos undoubtedly will be looking over their shoulders at Michael Vale -- "Fred the Baker" of Dunkin' Donuts commercial fame -- who was the acknowledged hit of the parade.

The fact that the Bud-I and Fred were the two big hits of the day only underscores Phillipe & Jorge's suspicion that being on television a lot is the single most important thing a potential officeholder can do to enhance his or her political stock -- a fact not lost on Geraldine Ferraro, who is currently a regular on CNN and is now seriously mulling over a challenge to Alphonse "Pothole" D'Amato's Senate seat.

While we are not quite ready to concede a special co-presidency to Beavis and Butt-head in 2000 (although, compared to Al Gore, they're looking pretty good these days), we suggest that the Missing Linc get into the kitchen and start working on a better bagel recipe, just in case Fred makes a run for it.

ER for Almond veto

As usual, people showed their true colors in the Biggest Little when Governor Bigfoot vetoed the high-profile hospital bill focusing on Columbia/HCA's bid to acquire Roger Williams Hospital and turn it into a for-profit acute-care facility.

P&J refer in particular to Columbia/HCA, whose spokesperson tried to nastily ridicule Vo Dilun by telling a Urinal reporter that if the legislature overrides the veto, the state will "send a signal to the rest of the country that its reputation as a union-dominated anti-business state is justified."

In this type of case, P&J normally would advise cold compresses on the forehead and a handful of Valium washed down with a soothing Pernod and grapefruit for the overheated Columbia mouthpiece. This would be followed by a consoling, "Well then piss off, you greedy buggers."

However, Columbia beat us to the punch, saying that if the veto dies, they may pull out of the Roger Williams deal. Our close and personal friend and confidante Kate Coyne-McCoy of the Not for Profit Coalition got it right when she replied, "Good riddance . . . These people are either liars, or they are trying to scare people." Hey, why the "or," Katie?

Given Columbia's bottom-line focus, these heavy-handed tactics shouldn't be surprising. For our part, Phillipe and Jorge believe that accountability and the ability to prove one's capacity to produce favorable results for the common good, be it in health care or education, is hardly too much to ask.

Checking the track record over three years seems a splendid way to determine just what Columbia is really concerned about -- profits or people -- before giving away the hospital store here. So get out if you want, Columbia, but when you're looking for someone to blame, check out a mirror.

---

The P & J archive

---