They're all guilty

There have been few events so galling to the Vo Dilun public than the acquittal of disgraced former governor Ed "Gerber Baby" DiPrete and his son, "Deer in the Headlights Dennis," on various racketeering and perjury charges. Feedback to Casa Diablo has been that of incredulity and outrage over the fact that this case probably will never be tried in court.

What makes it worse is the Gerber Baby's loud declarations of innocence, as though a judge or jury of his peers has actually heard all the evidence and found it wanting. No, Gerb, you and Dennis got off on a legal technicality. The people of the Biggest Little still believe you're guilty as sin.

And as we review this Rhode Island Hall of Shame, please allow us to include Attorney General Jeff Pine. His Three Stooges' lack of honesty and finagling with the evidence gave Cresto the window of opportunity he needed to kill the case. We hope that the DiPretes and Pine can take pride in the fact that they are responsible for the deplorable cloud that continues to hang over Vo Dilun like a filthy shroud.

Sleep tight, Huey Long.

Big baby

Isn't it nice to see that The Biggest Little has its own version of Newt Gingrich in House Majority Leader "George of the Jungle" Caruolo? As Newt helped shut down the federal government because he had to use the rear door on Air Force One, so Jungle Boy evidently held up legislation affecting Providence because its mayor, Buddy "Vincent A." Cianci, made fun of Caruolo's bully-boy attitude. In front of a legion of fellow politicos at the Capital Grille, Cianci had shouted "Sieg Heil" and had thrown Caruolo a Nazi salute.

While P&J understand how George of the Jungle might be offended by Cianci's comparing him to Adolf Hitler (after all, Adolf wanted to take over the world, Caruolo just wants the State House), the majority leader's ego is so big, he is probably more pissed off over the fact that he was likened to anyone other than JFK or FDR (although fellow arrogant Smith Hill hothead John Hawkins is undoubtedly the best fit).

But isn't it heartening to know that this is the kind of behavior we can expect when two of the greatest intellects (sic) in Rhode Island engage in a showdown worthy of the local sandbox? This is typical behavior from George of the Jungle, a notorious whining, big baby who likes to threaten lobbyists and fellow politicians any time he is in danger of not getting his way. Indeed, it takes a big man to put his own petty interests ahead of the public benefit, but we guess this is what is deemed "leadership" at Halitosis Hall.

When Jungle Boy tried to "punish" (one of Caruolo's pet phrases) Cianci for his typically outrageous stunt, the victims this time were local artists involved in the city's downtown Arts and Entertainment District and the citizens who would have benefited from the Providence Redevelopment Authority's ability to use variable-rate mortgages to finance projects.

While most people realize Caruolo is a Neanderthal and not likely to have many allies in the arts and entertainment community to begin with, the resurgence of the arts scene in La Prov has been a major factor in Providence's growing reputation as a Renaissance city. Plus, anything that would aid redevelopment in Our Little Towne is also a boon, so thanks on both fronts, Mr. Caruolo.

No doubt one of George of the Jungle's other attempts to retard the city's growth potential is to dine ostentatiously at the Capital Grille, one of downtown's premier restaurants. After all, the presence of someone eating from a trough in the dining room surely can't be good for business.

Not a powerful argument

And speaking of George of the Jungle and his concern for the common weal, should we have been surprised to read in the Urinal on Sunday that the big bill the majority leader sponsored to restructure the electricity industry (a bill conveniently co-authored by the industry itself, certainly not a conflict of interest supported by Jungle Boy) has resulted in higher rates for consumers -- the opposite of what Caruolo claimed would occur?

At a recent industry forum in Massachusetts, Caruolo tried to defend this little anomaly, arguing that consumers would soon see lower rates because the electrical industry would be passing on savings they reap from the legislation to consumers. Naturally. They certainly wouldn't keep the money to satisfy their stockholders in this era of demand for instant bottom-line payoff, would they?

Of course, P&J would advise our readers to begin holding their breath in anticipation of this imminent windfall. The check's in the mail. But if it doesn't happen, don't blame George of the Jungle. He vas just folloving orders.

The best man for the job

Phillipe and Jorge weren't completely in love with Brown University's selection of Gordon Gee for its new president, although we are sure he is an extremely likable and capable fellow and wish him the best of luck upon his arrival from Ohio State.

On the other hand, your superior correspondents were delighted to hear that Bill Bradley, the former NBA basketball player and US senator, was on Bruno Uno's short list of candidates for the job. We would've been even more thrilled by the selection of one of Bradley's former New York Knicks teammates to lead Our Little Towne's Ivy League institution into the 21st century: Earl "The Pearl" Monroe.

Quote of the week

Continued congrats to the BeloJo for the ongoing secrecy in government series spurred on by the ACCESS/RI coalition, a group trying to introduce legislation to clarify and strengthen laws dealing with open records. This week has been declared "Right to Know Week" by the American Society of Newspaper Editors, and the Other Paper has been running daily stories highlighting the importance of right-to-access laws in news gathering.

The front-page story in Sunday's paper highlighted the obstacles the Marchetti family of East Greenwich faced six years ago in trying to gain access to an accident report involving their young daughter, who was badly injured after being hit by a car. Needless to say, the so-called Open Records Law passed by the state in 1979 contains plenty of loopholes and exemptions.

Once again it was noted that Vo Dilun was one of the last states to tackle open-records issues and that it continues to have one of the weakest laws in the nation. And things are not likely to change soon, if the posture taken by the leaders of our House of Representatives is any indication.

For the Sunday article, Speaker Pucky Harwood, who opened the legislative session this year with a broadside against what he called "naysayers and would-be reformers" (i.e., those who think that the public has a right to know what their government is doing), was buttonholed by reporter Elizabeth Rau about his thoughts on ACCESS/RI's proposed legislation. But Harwood and his puppetmaster, George of the Jungle, claimed ignorance of the legislation.

"I haven't seen it. I've only read about it in the paper," Pucky told Rau. When asked to give his opinion of what he's "only read about in the paper," the speaker, with a memory lapse worthy of Iran/Contra era Ronald Reagan, replied, "I forget what was in the paper, to be honest with you."

Phillipe & Jorge's guess is that Pucky knows what he reads in the paper only after it has been filtered through George. Next time Liz wants to know what Harwood thinks, she oughta go straight to the source and check with George of the Jungle.

One for the road

Phillipe and Jorge's New Bedford outpost of Casa Diablo weighed in last week on the matter of Bristol County District Attorney Paul Walsh's recent car-flipping adventure on the airport connector ramp, after which he drove into his own jurisdiction on Route 195 abandoned the vehicle and called his PR man to extricate him from the scene of the crime.

Whoops, make that no crime, according to our own top lawman, Attorney General Jeff "Tortured Toupee" Pine, who saw no reason to file any charges against fellow barrister Walsh. However, as our New Beff Boys ask, wouldn't driving a vehicle that was so obviously destroyed as Walsh's constitute an illegal act?

You can be sure that a Little Rhody state trooper would be pulling an average citizen over in no time flat -- and with just cause, if they were cruising down 95 in a crushed clown car.

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