The 'I've got a secret' state

We can't say enough about the BeloJo's taking the bull by the horns in their ongoing "Secrecy in Vo Dilun" series. The paper's efforts (and also those of the Rhode Island Press Association) to inform and alert the citizenry about the inherent danger of having the public's business conducted in the shadows certainly have played a key part in keeping the pressure on.

In addition to an amusing graphic juxtaposing the conflicting words of two great American statesmen, James Madison and George of the Jungle Caruolo, Monday's paper had a neat piece by Katherine Gregg on the Vo Dilun House's recent vote to keep the bonus-pay "educational incentive" program for current state employees under wraps. Included was a quote from former state representative Henry Boeniger. "Don't delve into people's lives," he said.

What do you mean, Henry? Like looking into the health benefits received by a certain former legislator's (Henry Boeniger's) daughter, who appears to be ineligible for such generous coverage? As the critics of revealing the nuts and bolts of the educational bonus program say, this could embarrass some people.

And well they should be embarrassed if the people in question are public servants who okay frivolous "courses" to allow workers in their departments to pad their paychecks.

P&J believe that the bonus program is a good idea and that the vast majority of state workers taking advantage of it are indeed bolstering their job skills and making the most of a legitimate opportunity to enhance state services.

But because the system can be abused, there should be some reasonable scrutiny of such a program. Why, oh why, are the disciplinary records of state employees still considered off limits?

The House vote was a "cover your ass" measure, pure and simple, and George of the Jungle's ludicrous "we've got too many important matters to deal with this foolishness" posture exposes it as such.

Ginger's back

Phillipe & Jorge are glad to see Ginger Casey back behind the anchor desk at Channel 10. Health-wise, she's had a run of bad luck that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, the most recent being two painful back surgeries.

Television news is not exactly known as a source of first-rate journalism, but Ginger is the real deal, a professional at the top of her game who does her homework and knows the news. She is an especially effective interviewer who has been sorely missed. We only hope that her back problems are largely behind her. (Hey, that wasn't supposed to be funny. )

Speaking of Channel 10 anchors, kudos to weekend anchor Andrea Brody for winning this week's Casa Diablo sweepstakes. When New England Institute of Technology announced that Leonard Nimoy would speak at its graduation ceremony this week, your superior correspondents waited with bated breath to see which newsperson would be the first to refer to him as "Dr. Spock" rather than "Mr. Spock." Andrea took the prize.

We hope that people do not become too confused and start taking child-rearing tips from pointy-eared fictional space aliens.

Vo Dilun drivers

P&J reacted to the dreary weather last Saturday by having our chauffeur, Carvaggio, take us on a pleasant drive in the limo. We wanted to take in the sights, which, of course, included a cruise to the City by the Sea.

Entering Newport, we noticed the car ahead of us turn off McConnell Highway toward Gate 4 at the Newport Navy Yard. What drew knowing smiles from your superior corespondents was watching the driver take his hands off the wheel and frantically try to remove the earring in his left ear, no doubt forgotten until then, as he headed toward the guard post at the entrance. Hello, sailor! We won't ask and we won't tell.

But P&J were not as amused when we crossed the Newport Bridge at about 5 p.m. and watched as a flashy, sleek sedan came flying up past us. Braking for someone in the passing lane, it proceeded to tailgate for some 200 yards. What intrigued us was the car's special license plate, which read "House 47," indicating it belonged to a member of our esteemed House of Representatives.

Suddenly, "House 47" veered into the lane of oncoming traffic and passed the car at 75-plus mph, risking a high-speed, head-on accident on the bridge and making drivers swerve into the right-hand lane of the westbound side to avoid one.

House District 47, of course, is the bailiwick of state Representative James Kelso of Narragansett, and a call to the state Department of Motor Vehicles later confirmed that the plates did in fact belong to this legislator.

Phillipe and Jorge have never met Mr. Kelso, so we had no idea if he was in fact the tightly-wound, bullet-headed lout in tux shirt and bow tie behind the wheel of the car bearing those plates.

Since we couldn't believe one of the august denizens of Halitosis Hall would behave in such an erratic, dangerous manner, P&J alerted the Newport Police that evening, assuming Kelso's car had been stolen by some two-bit punk. We were certain a state representative would've had "far, far more important things" ("Walking small," P&J, April 25) to do than to threaten lives in his automobile.

Walking Eagle

This week's winner of Phillipe and Jorge's Walking Eagle Award is state Representative Brian Kennedy (D-Hopkinton). Kennedy is the head witch hunter in the General Assembly, whose bogus commission investigating the Department of Environmental Management has prompted a second, high-level defection of a DEM official.

Kendra Beaver, DEM's legal counsel, followed the lead of former director Tim Keeney and left to take an out-of-state job. Like Keeney, Beaver didn't object to the Kennedy Commission's scrutiny so much as its outright ignorance of environmental matters.

"I've had enough," she told Peter Lord of the Urinal. "You feel like every decision you make you may be defending before a group of people who don't understand what you do."

As Lord pointed out in the piece, Kennedy has called witnesses against DEM who have been convicted of environmental crimes (boy, there's credibility for you) and has proved during his sideshow hearings that he doesn't know anything about the zoning, planning, and health rules governing what people can do with their property.

Today, Kennedy is pushing to keep this beaten-down, busted-up circus dog charade going for another year, even though commission members are regularly bailing out on these celebrations of stupidity. "One thing we've heard in the last few weeks is that no one ever knows what DEM will do," he says. "I do wish more common sense were used in decisions by the department."

As for what DEM will do, try reading the regs, Brian. And as for common sense, both Beaver and Keeney displayed a ton of it. Congrats to Kennedy for winning our second Walking Eagle award. As P&J's faithful readers know, the award honors those people who are so full of shit, they can't fly.

Dim bulb

The quote of the week comes from the Yankophile Duchess of Pork, SarahFerguson, during her appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show: "It [Buckingham Palace] is very dark. The light bulbs are only 30 amps."

Who says you can't combine brains and beauty?

Kudos & congrats . . .

. . . to the 40 Democratic senators who showed up at last weekend's annual three-day "Issues Conference" sponsored by the Democratic Policy Committee. Among the crucial "issues" tackled at the conference in Baltimore were the "sports in society" issue (a trip to an Orioles and Oakland A's ball game at Camden Yards), "boating safety" issues (including a scheduled tour of the harbor and a three-hour lunch held on two tour boats), "gaming" issues (dramatized by a reception held by Senator Wendell Ford at the Kentucky Derby on Saturday), and the ever-important "food safety" issue (elegant meals offered for all). Nothing gets by these folks.

. . . to Don (and his) Johnson, "actor" and star of TV's Nash Bridges. According to People magazine, Don is now dating his series co-star, Jodi O'Keefe. He's 47; she's 18. Undoubtedly a marriage of intellects.

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