Give no quarter

It was quite a celebration on Monday, May 21, for the unveiling of the official Vo Dilun quarter. Fifty-seven percent of the Biggest Little's residents voted for the design, which shows a sailboat cruising down Narragansett Bay with the Newport Bridge in the background. (With all deference to Senator Stillborn, Phillipe and Jorge refuse to call it the Claiborne Pell Bridge.)

One person who didn't vote for the yacht design was Governor Bigfoot. It seems the Missing Linc wanted to try to ignore the will of the people (sound familiar?) and substitute a container ship -- the kind he wants to be moving in and out of his cherished (and doomed) megaport at Quonset Point -- for the sailboat. Bigfoot backed down only after it was pointed out that the quarter, to keep proper scale to the yacht, would have to be larger than a manhole cover. Sorry, Linkster, but nice try.

Behind closed doors

Is it just Phillipe and Jorge, or do we see a noticeable lack of media caterwauling about the closed-door, lobbyist-infested drafting of Big Time Cheney's energy policy, especially when compared to the abuse meted out to our old friend Ira Magaziner and Hillary Rodham Clinton for their similarly guarded attempts to fashion a national health policy? Back in those days, Ira and Hill were keelhauled for their well-intentioned meetings to get health plans for 44 million uninsured Americans, and lower the cost and improve the care for those who did have them. Now Big Time and Big Oil (whoops, that's redundant) have handed off a package to Dubya Bush, their wholly owned subsidiary and lap dog, after crafting a plan that threatens the environment and the economy (save for the oil and energy industries, which will cash in on our getting gouged at the pump), and is based on more shaky premises than an episode of Ally McBeal. Where's Ben Dover, our consumer reporter at the Dallas Morning News, now that Dubya and company are asking Americans to do just that?

Adding insult to injury was Cheney's holding of a May 21 reception at the vice-president's residence for the same Republican donors and lobbyists who'll benefit from this sham of a plan. Due to GOP criticism, even the greed-ridden Clintonistas stopped using official residences for fund-raisers by 1996. But, of course, there's absolutely no quid pro quo here for Big Time and his cronies.

When it comes to oil and energy, nothing is beneath Big Time. The wonderful Molly Ivins, a Texan who knows her Big Oil boys, reported that Halliburton, Cheney's former firm, and its subsidiaries helped reconstruct Iraq's oil industry even as the US was bombing that country. Meanwhile, our official government sanctions against Iraq, which Big Time supports, kill an estimated 5000 children a month. Next door in Iran, Halliburton used its foreign subsidiaries to work in the country and avoid US sanctions, and Cheney's now lobbying to ease the sanctions, so Big Oil can run its pipelines to Caspian Sea reserves through Iran, which is cheaper than going around it.

Big Time Cheney -- patriot, politician . . . prostitute.

Two women

P&J can't wait for the Rhode Island Young Republicans convention on June 1 and 2 in Warwick. Distinguished invitees include such B List guests as Halcyon Boy Poppy Bush and his wife Barb; clapped out politico Jack Kemp; the doddering Senator John Warner; pretentious Christian crusader and former drug czar William Bennett; former presidential candidate and rich loony Steve Forbes; and Rick Lazio, who got whomped by Hillary in the election to represent New York in the Senate. Is this Loserville or what?

Just as well, since the honored guest is Newport socialite Eileen "Jurassic Spice" Slocum, who embodies the views of her guests: intolerance, elitism, and from a different century. Poppy Bush and Jurassic Spice -- that ought to impress the junior wing of the GOP.

At the same time Slocum is being put in the spotlight, P&J note through the Urinal's "Political scene" column, the Rhode Island Caucus of Women Legislators was honoring former Senator Eleanor Sasso -- another woman with a distinguished political past -- for being the state's longest serving female legislator before she retired, after 21 years at Halitosis Hall, at the end of last year.

P&J had the distinct pleasure to work with Ms. Sasso on occasion, and she was smart, fair, and forthright on any number of issues. A former president of the Rhode Island chapter of the League of Women Voters, Sasso evidently endured some rough treatment at the hands of the State House's good ol' boy insiders, but we never saw her back away from an issue. Her recognition is a well-deserved tribute.

Bush league labor appointment

So we already know about Dubya's plans for the environment (trash it); education (talk about it, but don't do anything); foreign policy (benign neglect mixed with saber rattling); and social justice (fuhgeddaboutit!). What are his plans for dealing with labor (as if anyone hasn't already figured that out)? Jim Celenza from the Rhode Island Committee on Occupational Safety & Health (RICOSH) informs us that Bushie's most recent moves include the nomination of Eugene Scalia as chief counsel for the labor department.

The only other time when Eugene (the son of arch-conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia) has surfaced in the news was during the Bush/Gore Florida recount battle, when it was revealed that both he and Clarence Thomas's wife were involved with groups working for the Bush team. This smelled a bit of the old conflict-of-interest, but then The Supremes made the decisive move to end the election squabble. Rest assured that Eugene has a lot of experience in labor law -- all from the anti-labor side of the plate.

Celenza explains that Scalia was "a leader in the successful effort last year to roll back OSHA's jurisdiction over the safety and health of telecommuters and other employees who work out of their homes." Margaret Seminario, head ramrod of the AFL-CIO's health & safety unit, says, "He wanted to gut OSHA's record-keeping rule; and he helped to block OSHA's voluntary compliance program. [He] has opposed every single major regulatory initiative of OSHA's in recent years." Bill Borwegen, health and safety director of the Service Employees International Union, adds that Scalia "has a total disregard for worker rights."

Well, from Dubya's point of view, that would make Scalia the perfect guy for the job, right? As chief legal officer for the labor department, the second largest federal civilian law office outside of the Justice Department, Scalia the Younger will be in charge of enforcing labor laws and providing the legal foundation for the department's regulatory activities.

Interestingly enough, certain corporate types (like the US Chamber of Commerce) who would ordinarily be thrilled with this appointment are a bit concerned. Why? Because it could mean that, due to federal conflict-of-interest laws, Scalia the Elder, a reliable anti-labor vote, would have to recuse himself from court decisions involving labor issues, and Scalia the Younger would have to do the same on policies and decisions that might require Supreme Court review. Geez, what a tough quandary. P&J can really feel for you rich, powerful, soulless types.

Too little, too lame

Could anything be lamer than the response by General Assembly leaders to calls for an outside audit of the books? They'll have their own auditor general, Ernest Almonte, select an outside firm to conduct a one-time audit of the legislature's books. It's no knock on Mr. Almonte -- who, to our knowledge, has done an excellent job -- to point out that he serves at the pleasure of the leadership. Do you think there might be a bit of pressure for him to shape a procedure that will find no real irregularities over at Halitosis Hall? Same with whatever company (Ernst & Young?) gets the audit assignment. The method being suggested is tantamount to the foxes agreeing to leaving the chicken coop only to relocate 25 yards across the road, carrying loaded shotguns. This ought to really make a chicken feel secure.

And, of course, it goes without saying that the Vo Dilun public only wants a one-time look at this. We wouldn't possibly want consistent scrutiny of legislative priorities and spending because, well, because John Harwood says so, goddammit.

Fashion Pitt stop

It's with heavy heart that your superior correspondents read the other day that Mr. Hunk hisself, Brad Pitt, would not necessarily be producing a new men's clothing line, as reported by DNR, the men's fashion magazine. The original news blurb stated that Brad's "stylist," Todd Shemarya, and three other Hollywood costumers wanted to create a "high-end men's wear line." P&J have always admired Brad's personal "high-end," although we're not sure how many other guys would qualify as high-end enough to wear his jeans.

But then again, if Kathie Lee Gifford can have her own fashion line, why not Beautiful Brad? All he needs are a few slimy Third World connections to rent some run-down factory buildings without running water, round up a few hundred five cents a day seamstresses, and, voila! Brand Name City.

We had to wonder about Shemarya's claim to DNR that the clothing line would not be named after the actor, and that "Brad wants to be recognized for his influence, not as a movie star but as an individual. We're not trying to sell Brad's name." And what exactly is Brad's "influence . . . as an individual"? Well, enough to get somebody named Todd Shemarya on the fashion map because of his proximity to Brad's "high end."

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