Serving the people

Phillipe and Jorge were quite dismayed to read that Senator Lincoln Chafee appears ready to vote in favor of the nomination of John "The Crisco Kid" Ashcroft as attorney general in Dubya's diabolical new cabinet.

Your superior correspondents were obviously operating under the misconception that Linc is supposed to represent in Washington the views of his constituents, not cater to the likes of vile right-wingers, like former cheerleader Trent Lott and his Senate cronies, simply because they hold the whip hand in the GOP. P&J have no hesitation in saying that a majority of Rhode Islanders find Ashcroft's intolerance, retrogressive thinking and Conservative Christian lunacy -- such as anointing himself with Crisco oil before being sworn in as a US senator -- to be abhorrent at best, and frightening at worst. Chafee stands a good chance of severely damaging his political career by siding with Ashcroft, Lott, et al, especially when Ashcroft's twisted philosophies begin manifesting themselves as he conducts his job.

Unlike the Biggest Little's other Linc, Governor Almond, he of the deaf ear about Quonset Point, we urge our old friend Senator Chafee to listen to the people of the Biggest Little and send the hideous Mr. Ashcroft packing.ubya. Now we all know what you really meant about "compassionate conservatism."

Long live Linc!

Speaking of our governor, the Missing Linc, it is believed that his return to the battle to put a megaport at Quonset Point is being driven by his desire to leave a legacy for his two terms in office. He probably gets jealous every time he sees the way Captain Blowhard got to have a sign on Route 95 extolling his very own terminal at Green Airport.

Unfortunately, Linc's legacy will be laziness and lies, the latter being at the heart of the defeat of the QP port after the prevarications, misstatements and misleading "facts" presented to the public by Bigfoot and the Bankruptcy Boys of Quonset Point Partners. We'll be looking forward to see what sort of brain-dead tack he takes in his upcoming "state of the nap" speech to justify his megaport cheerleading. Given that he's now a lame duck, rather than just lame, it is unlikely anyone will be the standard-bearer for the king of the early-bird dinners, who will doubtless spend his twilight years out of state on Cape Cod. Perhaps a concrete block dropped off the Jamestown Bridge with the words, "Here lies Governor Almond's plans for a megaport at Quonset Point" chiseled into it would be an apt tribute. Here's your hat, what's your hurry?

Cable's sub-rosa agenda

Ever since cable television came into being in the Biggest Little, it has been, in classic Vo Dilun style, a rigged process. The framework was created in the early to mid-'70s, years before the technology was a reality and, thus, the whole business was virtually under the radar of public and media scrutiny. Just the way governmental bodies like to operate. Initially, it was structured so that the franchise holders (licensing fee -- $75 for perpetuity) had non-competitive monopolies. This, of course, meant that the regulatory paper tiger, the Public Utilities Commission, would be involved. The PUC would never have had the cojones to ensure the cable franchise holders provide public, educational and governmental access programming, if it weren't for grassroots pressure exerted by citizens' groups (God bless you, Herman Rose).

Well, that's all in the past. As we know, Cox Communications ended up buying up most of the franchises in the state, and now we have American Broadband Inc. joining the mix. But for those people who have worked on public access cable and understand what it could and should be (when some giant corporation is handed a virtual license to print money because of the non-competitive nature of its enterprise, the public deserves something back), the latest moves by an increasingly acquiescent PUC, are distressing.

Here's the latest according to Michael Barr, veteran public and governmental access producer:

A number of Cox-maintained public access cable TV studios, including the existing one in Providence, will be closing soon, forever. Apparently, there's no requirement for public hearings on this matter. The functions of these closed studios will be consolidated and equipment moved to local (mostly public) colleges, and incorporated into their communications curriculums. The general public and other educational, governmental producers will -- for the first time -- have secondary priority for use of the studios and production facilities that will be located at the colleges.

Here's one of the beautiful results of this move - at RIC, where one of the studios will be relocated, there will only be three parking places set aside for the public/government/ educational programming folks. The parking situation at RIC is already overburdened and this is hardly enough for a studio crew, let alone those who produce or appear on such programs.

For those of you who think this won't affect you, since you don't participate in or watch public access programming, here's the best part: Cox will pay no compensation to these public institutions for use of the state's facilities, utilities, etc. RI taxpayers (including those who don't subscribe to cable) will effectively start subsidizing Cox. The PUC also knows that Cox has quietly negotiated with officials of CCRI to charge the public college an unprecedented fee of more than $100,000 per year to cablecast its long-running tele-courses. Per Rhode Island law, these courses are fully entitled to be telecast for free on educational cable access channels.

And, it looks like the PUC will grant newcomer cable company American Broadband, Inc. (ABI) several waivers of state cable law. One waiver would effectively reduce the maximum percentage of cable channels reserved for community use from 20 percent to about 2 percent. If such waivers are granted, dominant operator Cox would almost certainly successfully petition for the same deal.

The most obvious result of these changes will be to make it far more difficult for creating public access programming. And despite the propaganda from the PUC or Cox, that's what they really want.

Behind the times

People may wonder why our state university, URI, has so few people attending its basketball games, besides the fact that the team sucks. "Catch . . . ! URI Men's Basketball. See the Rams press, slam dunk and shoot their opponents into submission," reads their upbeat advertising in the Urinal, although if anyone feels the need to submit, it will likely be the readers of this hyperbolic advertising gobbledygook, rather than the opposing team.

Phillipe and Jorge have another idea about why URI's ticket sales may be in remission. Perhaps it's because the aforementioned overdone ad copy suggests URI supporters turn out to support their team on December 28 versus Siena; December 30 versus Hartford; and January 6 against St. Joseph's -- a good idea, we agree, but not when it's published in the January 11 edition of the Other Paper, as this ad was. Then again, if we could find anyone who might want to bet on the outcome of those games, P&J would be willing to give remarkable point spreads. And does anyone want to bet on whether or not Lamar Odom leaves URI for the pros?

Jockular

Quite the furor in Italy recently over the behavior of Yugoslavian soccer player Sinisa Mihailovic, who plays in Italy for Lazio in Rome, as reported in the Manchester Weekly Guardian. In a recent European Cup match he drew the attention of international officials and the local police for allegedly making racial remarks to black Frenchman Patrick Viera of England's club Arsenal. Viera accused Mihailovic of calling him "a black monkey" -- a big non-no these days on the international soccer circuit, which is commendably acting against the use of racist slurs by fans and players alike.

Fortunately for Mihailovic, he had a solid, credible response to the charges. "What Viera says is not true. I didn't call him a black monkey. It's true that I did call him a black shit but that's not the same as calling him a negro shit, is it? He called me a Gypsy shit and that was my way of replying." Perhaps this excuse would have rung a bit truer had Mihailovic not earlier urged Lazio fans to display a banner saying, "Honor to the tiger Arkan" -- the indicted Yugoslavian war criminal who was recently assassinated, and for whom our reticent boy Mihailovic had written an obituary in a Belgrade paper. Hey, he was a beautiful guy once you got to know him, right Sinisa?

Mihailovic faces three years in prison, if convicted. In America, the penalty is a much stiffer four years . . . serving in the Bush cabinet.

RIP, Mike White

Just after deadline last week, we heard the sad news that Michael White, one of the truly outstanding figures in local law enforcement, passed away suddenly. He was only 50 years old. While his work, particularly in the field of narcotics investigation, is legendary, we'll remember Mike as a guy with incessant curiosity, a real sense of empathy for others, and passions for all things Irish and all things Bob Dylan. He will be greatly missed.

Kudos and congrats . . .

. . . to this year's two strongest Martin Luther King Jr. Day speeches: by Christine Roundtree, director of the Providence Human Relations Commission, at the City of Providence's official celebration at City Hall on January 10, and by US Representative Patrick Kennedy at the Martin Luther King Scholarship Breakfast at the Convention Center on January 15. Roundtree's address went right to the heart of our local racial conundrum, while Kennedy suitably used the occasion to tear John Ashcroft a new butt-hole. Both said things that needed to be said.

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