Good riddance

Only 15 percent of Rhode Island's voters are casting ballots in the primary election, but the big story in the news is about a psychopathic basketball coach being fired. Nice that we have our priorities in order, eh kids?

Regarding the long-delayed firing of Bobby Knight as basketball coach at Indiana University, it only serves to point out how perverse people's reasoning can be, particularly those folks involved in sports. The September 12 story in the Urinal by D. Morgan McVicar indicated this as URI coach Jerry DiGregorio and former PC coach Dave Gavitt, conveniently ignoring a pattern of antisocial behavior that borders on child abuse, praised Knight for being a genius at coaching a mere game. Perhaps DiGregorio and Gavitt can hire themselves out as professional character witnesses for spouse abusers, provided the defendant has won more than 100 games at some level of organized sport.

Contrasting these distorted views were those of URI president Robert Carothers and Arlene Gorton, Brown's former associate athletic director, who got right to the heart of the matter -- that rude behavior by heroes of the Sweaty Sciences is too often tolerated at universities. Knight should have been gone long ago, but he had the entire administration and board of trustees cowed simply because he won basketball games. Wow. Bow-wow.

But isn't it beautiful that the straw that broke the camel's back was one in which he said he was trying to teach a 19-year-old kid some civility and manners? Knight may know hoops, but when it comes to him training people in social graces, it would be like Darryl Strawberry running a 12-step program. Bye-bye, Bobby, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

High hopes

With the chief justice of Vo Dilun's Supremes, Joe Weisberger, planning on stepping down, the sharpened blades are coming out beneath judicial robes as potential successors jockey for position. The big trick is to appear not to crave the post of chief justice, while doing everything you can behind the scenes to get the nomination.

This gets very tricky since the person who will make the nomination is Governor Bigfoot, but the nominee also needs to be confirmed by the General Assembly. A major case in point is Supreme Bob Flanders. Although P&J have disagreed with Flanders on a number of occasions, we do side with him in believing, as does the Missing Linc, that legislators should not serve on quasi-public boards and committees, because of how they then politicize the operation of that agency, or use it for their personal aggrandizement through cash or contacts. Unfortunately for Flanders, his stance is unlikely to do anything but quash his chances of being OKed by petty power brokers like Speaker John "Pucky" Harwood or Senate Majority Leader Paul "Slappy" Kelly, who will do all they can to prevent any intrusion into their tidy and profitable little fiefdoms on Smith Hill.

And as Pucky and Slappy showed in their scuttling of the Supreme Court nomination of the lovely, fragrant and highly-qualified US Attorney Meg Curran, they have no shame when it comes to completely screwing an extremely good candidate to serve their own self-interests.

This will be a tough pick for Bigfoot, who can either make Pucky and Slappy publicly descend into the sewer once again to kill a choice like Flanders, or risk trying to boost a Superior Court judge, like Frank Williams, right into the highest seat on the bench. Certainly, he won't name Vicky Lederberg, who is not only a product of Halitosis Hall, but made it to the Supremes through the old system of being voted in by her General Assembly colleagues, a little return for past favors, most of which are odoriferous when they take place under the dome of the State House.

Butt, officer!

Possibly inspired by David R. Crompton, the Coventry man who has twice been arrested after a man placed naked photographs of himself in the automobiles of unsuspecting women, two guys from the neighboring town of West Warwick have been having a problem keeping their pants on. Roland Chabot, pleaded no contest last week after allegedly walking into a Shellmart at around 2 a.m. with his pants down around his ankles. Chabot claimed this was only a joke. This may fly at the Oval Office, pal, but not at the Shellmart.

Meanwhile, another West Warwickian, Anthony Barreto, allegedly got faced at the Holy Ghost Society's Labor Day Festa and was bounced from the premises. According to police, he responded to what he undoubtedly felt was a premature expulsion by saluting a passing patrol car with his naked buttocks. It's just this sort of behavior that makes West Warwick the ideal spot to locate the Biggest Little's first ever gambling casino. Somebody has to tell these guys, though, that we only want to see bare bottoms from female roadside hot dog vendors.

Lastly, according to a dispatch in the Other Paper, a man who wasn't wearing any trousers stole a small white convertible from a driveway in Central Falls on the evening of September 11, and proceeded to cause six accidents before being captured and held for police by a group of 50 concerned citizens.

No exit

Really, shouldn't this entire country be put on a suicide watch due to us having to endure two more months of blithering and posturing by Al "Two-by-four" Gore and "Dubya the Dumb" Bush in the presidential election? (Sorry, Ralph and Pat.)

It's almost impossible to keep your lunch down when you see Vice President Whore going on Oprah Winfrey's show to solemnly tell her that his favorite book of all time is The Red and the Black by 19th-century novelist Robert Stendahl. Now there's a real 21st-century kinda guy who's ready to explore new frontiers. When Gore follows that up by giving the egomaniacal talk show host a fatuous and awkward high-five, one's skin starts crawling, and you're looking for a window to jump out of.

No better is reading the recent in-depth story on Dubya in the New York Times, in which friends and colleagues confirm that the GOP candidate is a total daddy's boy, living in his father's shadow and trying desperately to please him. (Cut to Anthony Perkins as Jimmy Piersall going berserk and climbing up the fence behind home plate, screaming, "Is that good enough? Is that good enough?" to his father, played by Karl Malden, in Fear Strikes Out. (Yikes!)

This unflattering portrayal of Poppy's progeny makes one wonder just how balanced Dubya really is, especially with the problems he has with public speaking. One analyst recently compared Dubya's erratic use of the language to that of a stroke victim, who digs down for a word and comes up with the wrong one -- e.g., terriers instead of tariffs -- without realizing it.

Nothing like being able to choose, is there?

A regrettable Plunder Dome spinoff?

We know that the Bud-I gets it, but is the Providence City Council paying attention to the report by the Boston-based New England Council, which highlighted the economic power of the arts? The report, "The Creative Economy Initiative: The Role of the Arts and Culture in New England's Economic Competitiveness," was unveiled the evening of September 11 during a meeting at Trinity Repertory Company. Figures showing that Vo Dilun supports more than 21,000 jobs that directly or indirectly produce cultural products and accounts -- for an annual payroll of $277 million -- should wake up those on the City Council who have been trying to slow down or obstruct many of the mayor's initiatives.

In recent months, your superior correspondents have been getting an earful from different folks in the Providence arts community about how the whole Downcity arts movement has been put on hold. This, they claim, is largely the work of anti-Cianci elements on the City Council, who may be trying to polish their own political image by appearing "pro-neighborhood" at the expense of the still nascent downtown Renaissance.

It would be nice if everyone could work together on this. The Bud-I has been a leading force on downtown matters and, because he's now perceived as politically wounded by the ongoing corruption investigation of City Hall, some would try to make hay. The importance of the arts as an economic engine is a palpable reality. It's obvious from the statistics gathered by the New England Council. Putting the brakes on now would truly be a shame. We hope those on the City Council who have been involved in slowing the progress will see that supporting the arts is good for all of us.

Logic prevails

In a rare instance of logic prevailing, it appears that the planned sculpture of a casually dressed President Kennedy and son John (as an adult) strolling by the sea has been rescinded. The sculpture of this imaginary scene was to be placed on town land in Barnstable, Massachusetts, near the harbor. Apparently editors at the Cape Cod Times came out a few weeks ago against the sculpture, claiming that the idea was in poor taste. This, however, did not stop letter writers to the paper from suggesting an even more tasteless scenario -- the inclusion in the tableau of Patrick Bouvier Kennedy, the son of the former president and first lady, who died in infancy.

The scrapping of this sculpture can be seen as helpful to young visitors who, undoubtedly already confused by Oliver Stone films and other pop culture distortions, will wonder why President Kennedy didn't put his foot down and stop young John from making that fateful voyage to Martha's Vineyard.

Imagine if the sculpture was made and became a popular tourist destination. What would stop others from inventing future depictions of imaginary history? We can easily picture a civic booster of our longest serving mayor, perhaps a mural of Roger Williams shaking hands with the Bud-I with a WaterFire gleaming in the background. Or Jesse Ventura whispering in the ear of Abraham Lincoln, suggesting alternative strategies for the Union forces in the war between the states. Or, how about a young Bill Gates sitting wide-eyed at the foot of Benjamin Franklin as he hangs that key off of his kite string.

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