The next move

P&J, who have frequently been accused of knee-jerk liberalism, don't seem to be feeling the old twitch in the joint today. No, we weren't surprised by the grand jury decision to not pursue charges against the two Providence police officers who fatally shot Sgt. Cornel Young Jr. And while we think there are a number of important issues emanating from this tragedy, we don't think a "police cover-up" is among them.

We are heartened by the resolve of community groups to continue to work for greatly needed changes in law enforcement policy, particularly as it effects minority communities. We would like to see some serious consideration given to issues such as racial profiling, better training, more recruitment of minority officers, and the policy that requires off-duty Providence officers to carry their guns. What we would most like to see, however, as the next moves would be a civilian review board to introduce a sense of public oversight and input in police matters.

The gulf between law enforcement and the public (particularly people who have been economically and/or socially disenfranchised) seems to be getting wider every day. The law enforcement establishment shrouds itself too often in too much secrecy. That, plus numerous incidents of abuse, brutality and a reflexive tendency to cover for others when accused of wrongdoing, has kept a cloud over many police activities.

We believe a permanent civilian review apparatus would be the best way to remove that cloud and let the sunlight in. We also know that most law enforcement professionals are totally opposed to this type of civilian involvement. But if police don't want the "us vs. them" mentality to persist, if they really would like more public support and understanding, they should open up and allow real scrutiny. Doing so would help to heal some of the historic wounds with which we still haven't come to terms.

Queen for a day: George Dubya

As all good conservative Republicans are aware, homosexuality is a disease that people choose to have. Sort of like how you can pick up syphilis and AIDS from unhygienic toilet seats.

This is what prompted the concern of the GOP's reactionary right-wing, which feared that after turning their little cross-eyed silver-spooner, George Dubya, into a card-carrying racist and religious zealot during the South Carolina primary, he was going to risk such admirable upbringing by meeting with actual out-of-the-closet superior behaviorists last week. (Although the way that Dubya inhaled the prominent unit of Pat Robertson and attached his lips to the buttocks of Bob Jones III during the South Carolina campaign should leave no doubt as to his same-sex proclivities.)

Naturally this was all window cross-dressing, as Dubya is just as repressive in the area of sex as he is on environmental and health-care issues. Barb and Poppy's boy is simply going out in drag, much in the way he did a week before -- trying to look like an environmentalist when Texas' air has become so laden with toxic elements that it's edible. Not to mention Dubya's ongoing efforts to show that he and his party don't exclude anyone -- other than those folks with positive IQs.

In reality, the confab with the group of a dozen open homosexuals was conspicuous in the absence of any members of the Log Cabin Republicans, those sweet and syrupy GOPers who actually expect to be able to have their cake and blow it, so to speak.

What was more frightening to most Americans than Dubya's walk on the wild side was finding out that Ralph Reed, the Christian Coalition's favorite son and a paid advisor to Georgie, was also in the employ of Microsoft and lobbying the Bush campaign to serve cyber-tyrant Bill Gates's interests.

Evidently, Rat Boy Reed and Georgie Boy failed to consult before meeting the press, leaving Phillipe and Jorge (and many others) wondering why Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer told the Associated Press that Rat Boy "never talked to the governor about Microsoft. There's been no personal lobbying," while at the same time Reed was telling the New York Times the behind-the-scenes lobbying is "an error we all regret." Oops.

There's a troika created in hell: Ralph Reed, Bill Gates and George Dubya.

Whaddya say, gang?

PC doesn't mean politically correct

P&J feel deeply for Ed Caron, a former colleague who is vice president for community relations and the spokesman at Providence College. Within the past month he has had to endure the expulsion of three students for suggesting abortion might indeed be an immaculate concept. Now, he has to face the problems of four of PC's basketball players, who were arrested and charged in an attack in which the bouncer of a local bar and his friends were stomped, reportedly because the bouncer denied bar access because the would-be customers lacked ID. In other words, he was obeying the law on behalf of his employer.

Normally, PC would simply gloss this over and give wrist slaps to the participants in this kind of situation. But since PC prez Philip Smith went ballistic over the abortion flyer incident on behalf of the Virgin Mary, comparing it to spray-painting swastikas on the walls of the college, Caron and others with more reasonable heads find themselves in a dilemma: expel kids for promoting free-thinking while nodding and winking at student-athletes (honk!) who are accused of beating the shit out of their fellow classmates. Sorry, guys, this is a no-brainer -- should the charges hold up, the jocks pack their bags and hit the road.

Just to see how PC's top dogs have been covering up these transgressions since the days when Jimmy Walker faced many paternity suits while in college, it could be interesting for some local ink-stained wretch to check the court records over the past 30 years for the names of some former Friars. But, of course, P&J could always be wrong . . . right?

Get the red out

It's nice once again to see advertisers prey on the stupidity of Americans, this time in the case of Red Lobster. The gang at Joe Queenan's favorite eatery have revived the TV commercial that shows their delicious stock in trade meandering on the ocean floor. But all the lobsters just happen to be red, which means they're dead, as real lobsters are predominantly greenish and turn red only when cooked. Perhaps the crustaceans in question have been given tiny pacemakers, allowing them to shuffle along inside well-cooked carapaces. Mmmmm-mmmm, good.

Little brains from little Achorns grow

Your superior correspondents can't say that we were surprised to see Tuesday's editorial commentary piece by the Other Paper's latest right-wing gunslinger, Edward Achorn. Writing about the interminable Elian Gonzalez case, Slow Eddie makes the tired case for "context," i.e., that in order to take the "correct" position on the Elian controversy, one must understand the true horror of Cuba under Castro. He wraps all this around another typical right-wing ploy, a salute to his hero, Ronald Reagan who, Achorn claims, would have told Castro to "pound sand" and kept the boy in America. He also refers to Elian's American relatives as "politically inept." (For "politically inept" types, the Miami Gonzalezes have certainly played the anti-Castro card for all it's worth.)

Achorn conveniently forgets the many victims of tyrannical right-wing Latin American dictatorships who, during the Reagan years, were denied entry into the United States. Or maybe Slow Eddie doesn't believe that there's any such thing as right-wing tyranny.

The fact is that neither Achorn nor the Miami anti-Castro crowd really give a shit about Elian. They, just like Castro, are only out to make political points. Achorn's primary interest is in toting up the crimes against humanity committed by the Castro regime, and then ignoring the core human dimension of the situation -- that this is about a father and his son. Achorn thinks that Castro has "scored a series of impressive victories" propaganda-wise. This may be true in his little bailiwick of Cuba, but so what?

Many here who hate Castro's crimes also understand that the boy belongs with his father, just as many here in the US believe that by easing relations with the Cuban government, the US will have more influence when the current regime finally ends. Might not a closer relationship with the US create the atmosphere for a smoother (and less bloody) transition when Castro is finally gone?

Kudos and congrats . . .

. . . to California's Orange County Register for their exposé on how some donated cadaver tissues make their way from non-profits companies to profit-making outfits. The profitable firms use the materials for enhancing fashion models' lips and increasing the size of the units of some insecure and decidedly non-superior males. While there's now concern among those in the legitimate organ donor business that the story will scare off potential donors, it really warns those who would like to bequeath their body parts after death to be careful about which outfits they donate to. A follow-up by the BeloJo's medical writer, Felice Freyer, makes it clear that the New England Organ Bank is an above-board operation that does not provide tissues for non-therapeutic use. So go there and feel good about your bod.

. . . to the American Heart Association and anyone connected to heart research. Phillipe celebrated a milestone 50th birthday this past week, coincidentally on the same date as colleague and long-time friend Rudy Cheeks's wife, Susan Murphy. What made it extra special was that P. should have been dead at age 20, due to being born with a hole in his heart, which couldn't be fixed at that time. But as the Urinal's G. Wayne Miller recently pointed out in an excellent series and subsequent book, open-heart surgery came of age in the '50s. Fortunate Phillipe became one of the first US children to benefit at Philadelphia's Children's Hospital (whose head of pediatric surgery at the time just happened to be C. Everett Koop, later the US surgeon general). Thanks, Ev. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

. . . to Little Rhody's Robert Ellis Smith, publisher of the Privacy Journal and author of Ben Franklin's Web Site: Privacy and Curiosity from Plymouth Rock to the Internet. Smith's new tome was recently cited by the New York Times' William Safire, who wrote, "Robert Ellis Smith's expose of privacy invasion will be one the of the sleeper best-selling books in the year 2000." Given the content of the book, you best sleep with one eye open.

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