The ugly art of the inside deal

Could House Speaker John Harwood possibly be striking "an inside deal" to give the Democratic Party endorsement in this year's Senate primary to Richard Licht, as suggested by Little Ritchit's opponent, US Representative Bob "Dorian" Weygand? C'mon, Dorian, this is Vo Dilun, home of politics so clean that even the money gets laundered on a regular basis.

Pucky Harwood has such high regard for ethics and staying above the fray that he even used the taxpayers' money to issue a press release in which he endorsed Licht. One would normally call that arrogance were it not actually known better as S.O.P. under Harwood's blatantly heavy-handed management style at Halitosis Hall. Rep. Bobby is very correct to be leery of how Harwood will now attempt to strong-arm the profiles in courage who make up the state Democratic Committee, a group known for its members' lack of cojones -- and we're not talking about the females, either.

Ah, to be in the Biggest Little when the politics are in bloom.

Free lunch

Speaking of political legerdemain, it was heartening to see a new move afoot at the Ethics Commission to weaken state laws governing politicians accepting gifts from an "interested person." (Why does that remind us of the expression "made member"?) And sur-prahz, sur-prahz, Gomer -- the five commission members in favor of scrapping the 1998 law are all lawyers. Several of them work for firms that have lobbying connections, which serve to financially benefit their firms and thus, the commission members in question.

As usual, opponents of restricting donations trotted out the old argument that a politician couldn't be bought for "a baloney sandwich." Or, as Joe Larisa, Governor Bigfoot's legal counsel put it, "I don't think most of us believe a meal is a gift." Try doing your next informal survey at Amos House, Joe.

Evidently Larisa and his empty suit friends spend a bit more than P&J when they dine out, as the newly proposed provision allows state or local politician to accept gifts worth as much as $150 dollars each, or $750 per year. That's more than the cost of a sandwich, boys and girls. And the free lunch argument is absolutely relevant here in these parts, given Little Rhody's track record of politicians Dumpster-diving through the remains of plenty of sandwiches at Walt's Roast Beef to retrieve a $10K payoff. Not to mention their generally being caught for penny-ante kickbacks for such big-time crimes as fixing it for someone to get a low-number license plate. When it comes right down to it, if there's one place in this country where you can be bought for a "grindah," it's the Biggest Little. So cut the baloney, counselors.

Two men

Such sadness at Casa Diablo after we learned of the death of two of P&J's favorite public figures who couldn't be more dissimilar: Superior Court Judge Thomas Needham and rock singer Ian Dury.

"von Needham," as he became to be known in this space, was famed for his role in the first Claus von Bulow murder trial, which ended in the conviction of the despicable social climber, only to have the verdict overturned on appeal, despite Needham's lifelong personal belief that von Bulow was guilty. Needham handled that courtroom circus with the same gravity and responsibility as other more meaningful issues, such as equity in education funding, in which he played a pivotal role. He was dedicated, hardworking and eminently fair, which is about as high praise as you can give a jurist, especially here in Vo Dilun.

And no doubt Needham could also see the wit in the performances of Ian Dury and his band, the Blockheads, especially the timeless "Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll" -- "Every bit of clothing ought to make you pretty . . . gray is such a pity." We'll be wearing neon blue in mourning, Ian, trust us.

Odd fellows

The Bad Taste Bell was pealing loudly at Casa Diablo recently, set a-ringing by the geniuses at the National Rifle Association and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. How folks at such opposite ends of the social spectrum could get so dumb and dumber at the same time defies P&J's belief.

That the NRA leadership should come across as being as ignorant as hammers is hardly surprising when you have Charlton Heston and Wayne LaPierre trying to do the mental heavy lifting for you. Chuck is evidently under the delusion that he's actually Moses, able to easily part the Red Sea with a wave of his arms. Well, it would certainly be easier to part those waters than the Astroturf toupee he's sporting these days, but every time the old gladiator opens his mouth it's Tower of Babble (sic) time as he goes about defending the rights of gun owners, even as elementary schools are turning into target ranges.

And LaPierre's recent claim that Bill Clinton desires a certain level of violence to help his anti-gun crusading is beyond morally unconscionable and insulting to one's intelligence, although not surprising, since Wayne's World consists of very few members of the Mensa Society.

But recently topping the Bullet Boys in inane rhetoric were the pack of dogs from PETA, who suggested that college students give up milk and drink beer instead, because of the mistreatment of cows. (Go ahead, try saying that with a straight face. It's impossible.) Actually, P&J and quite a few of our close friends actually pioneered this concept back when we were in the ivy-covered halls of learning, and from what we read in today's news, we're sure the idea hasn't gone out of favor on many campuses nationwide.

But in the face of increased efforts to halt binge drinking, Mothers Against Drunk Driving crusades and lowering the legal limit of alcohol consumption, the spin doctors at PETA appeared to have no idea about their own ethics. Did you say animals? We thought you said, Animal HOUSE.

The NRA and PETA serving society: Buy a gun, get drunk and hit McDonald's for a Big Mac. What a great country.

Look who's naked now

Your superior correspondents frequently voice the opinion that the phrase "television journalism" is an oxymoron. In general, local television news boils down to short reports based on daily print coverage and the occasional gory car accident, house fire, inclement weather report or other video-worthy event. There are also far too many clearly promotional "stories" that appear on local television (many, strangely, having to do with the comings and goings of television performers featured on the same networks that the stations are affiliated with). Much of this has to do with the entertainment values that have been embraced by TV since it was established that local news can be profit centers, rather than break-even "public service."

But, thankfully, there have always been a few television reporters out there who actually break stories and offer credible reportage on a regular basis. We're thinking of Sean Daly, late of Channel 6 (a tip of the sombrero to Jim "Opie" Hummel as well), Jack White at 12 and JAR-head I-team stalwarts Dyana Koelsch and Jim Taricani.

The estimable Taricani, both on air and right here in the Phoenix, led the way in reporting on the state's blanket strip-search policy at the ACI. In an instance of uncanny timing, US District Court Judge Mary Lisi struck the policy down as unconstitutional last week after Jim's latest story in the Phoenix had gone to press.

The real question one must ask is, considering their superior resources ($$$) and large reporting staff, where was the Other Paper on this issue? As he has done regularly, Taricani handed the state's leading daily their ass.

We suggest the Urinal might be able to mount a "Twinkie defense" to explain their tardiness in failing to get this important story into print until two days after it broke. To wit, the BeloJo found plenty of room on the first day to run a front-page expose on the Hostess confection shortage in Southern New England due to the Teamsters strike on bakery plants.

What about the kid?

Enough already on the Elian Gonzalez story! Both Senor Fidel, who has used the child as part of his propaganda machine and the anti-Castro Cuban expatriate community in Miami, who have acted in exactly the same manner, have used the six-year-old as a political football for the past three months. The whole scene is sadly reminiscent of a divorced couple slugging it out in a custody case with nary a thought given to the welfare of the child in question. Everyone involved, with the exception of young Elian, comes out smelling of Central Landfill.

The tapes will tell

For those who can't get enough of Plunder Dome, the soap opera, your superior correspondents' instincts tell us that the next round will be the big one. While the BeloJo continues in its traditional Buddy-bashing mode, Hizzoner Mayor Culpa continues to profess his innocence to all who will listen. Despite P&J's suspicion that key witness Anthony Freitas is a bit less than the plaster saint he's been portrayed as, we believe that the important stuff is already all on the tapes, and that the Glancy case will prove to have been more difficult than what's to come.

Sadly, the whole process has produced yet another black eye for the Biggest Little. The March 19 story about the affair in the New York Times didn't exactly evoke scenes of the NBC-TV series Providence. It fairly accurately portrayed the bread and circuses atmosphere that persists in the face of this unfolding scandal. While Mayor Culpa certainly deserves great credit for the large part he's played in the re-emergence of Providence, it suggests a lack of imagination peculiar to the capital city that folks around here can't conceive of the city without it's colorful longest-serving chief executive.

Meanwhile, we understand that WHJJ talk host John DePetro, who seems to have been living vicariously off of the Plunder Dome story, actually asked prosecutor Richard Rose if he would pose in court for photographs with the winner of a radio contest a couple of weeks back. Apparently, young John is having a bit of difficulty distinguishing real life from show biz. Needless to say, the altogether impressive assistant US attorney declined.

So are the jacket stains there? Once again, P&J believe that whatever the answer to that question is, it's already on tape.

Kudos & congrats . . .

. . . to US Representative Patrick Kennedy for what many believe was the speech of his political life so far, this Monday at Congdon Street Baptist Church. While we don't always agree with Patrick, we continue to admire his courage, tenacity and work ethic. Despite the awkward trajectory his political ascent has often taken, we reject the characterization of the congressman as a crass political opportunist. Rather, we believe we are witnessing the real deal here, a man of conscience and conviction.

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