All wet

by Rudy Cheeks

Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
This New Year's Eve I went out to a party and happened to bump into an old friend of mine. We had never been more then friends, but I've always found him very attractive. This being New Year's, we both got wasted, did a lot of flirting, and finally at 3 a.m., we ended up going back to my place. We did a little hooking up and then both ended up passing out.  At about 7:30 a.m., I woke up and found that my bed and I were completely soaked. This guy had pissed all over the bed in his sleep!!! It was an awkward situation for the both of us. He was really embarrassed and repeatedly assured me that this kind of thing only happens when he's really wasted.

I think the situation was pretty gross, but I still would like to get together with this guy. Is there any way to get around the awkwardness? And is this bed-wetting normal for most drunk guys?

-- Wet in Worcester

Dear Wet in Worcester,
He told you, "This kind of thing only happens when [I'm] really wasted." Losing control of one's bladder after imbibing far too much alcoholic beverage is not in the realm of "normal" or "abnormal." This guy says it happens to him sometimes when he gets "really wasted," and that sounds to me like the truth.

If you and he would like to avoid this problem, make sure you don't drink excessively when you see each other again. If he likes getting faced -- and running the risk of soaking your bed with his urine -- more than having a relationship with you, then I'd say he's the wrong guy for you. Unless, that is, you start finding some level of gratification in his moist love.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Okay, normally I'm the one listening and giving advice on, well, everything, but now I'm the one in need of it. I'm hoping you can give me some insight. Here is my problem: I am 25 years old and recently divorced with a three-and-a-half-year-old son. I was with the father for almost seven years, and were married for the last two. My ex-husband was my "first" and only, if you get my drift. This past summer I ran into a man I hadn't seen in more than four years. He's the singer in a local band that I used to be friendly with years ago. I know the whole band very well, and I'm accepted like one of the band.

They are great people. I'd gone to see them one night after re-meeting them, and the singer and I got to know each other again. We sat and talked for an hour while another band was playing. The next show, at the end of the night, he told me to tell the bouncers that I was with the band if they tried to tell me I had to leave. Later, he proceeded to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about me all week, and he kept trying to picture my face in his head. Honestly, I felt the same way, and I told him so. He seemed actually relieved! We started this "flirt thing" that has been going on for almost six months and it's getting pretty hot.

The problem is, he's taken. I know, I know . . . bad! He says he's not happy, and normally I'd just take that with a grain of salt, but his friends (band members) say the same thing. He also just became a dad. He doesn't want to stay with his girl for the sake of a baby, because he understands it wouldn't be right for the child, but it's harder for him to leave now, too. We have talked about having just "one incredible night," but he can't bring himself to go through with it, and I've never done anything remotely like that before. Every time we say goodbye and hug, we maul each other's necks like there's no tomorrow. I don't know if I should continue with this flirting.

But it feels soooo good, since I haven't had "anything" since leaving my ex. And I can't stop thinking about him. I know the difference between genuine feelings and lust, and it's not just lust. I'm stuck. The things we say and do to each other make me want to be with him more, but I feel like I'm missing out on something or "someone" else by waiting around for him. I really don't want to take that "step" while he's with someone else, and I don't think he does either. We've even talked about it a few times and agreed that it's way too much fun to stop what we do have. What should I do? I'm so confused. Please let me know your thoughts on this. Hopefully, it will help me come to a conclusion. Thank you for listening to this soap opera.

-- Stuck In RI

Dear Stuck In RI,
Despite all the twists and turns in your story, it comes down to this: he's married and has a new child. He has serious responsibilities. Regardless of whether he's happy or not, it's a very bad idea for you to be involved with him at all unless and until he does something to change that situation. He is responsible, and will always be responsible, for his child. He's also deceiving the person that he's supposed to be in a mutually exclusive relationship with. You should stop seeing him until you can have a relationship where deceit and irresponsibility are unnecessary.

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