Wrong number?

by Rudy Cheeks

Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to lovemonkey[a]phx.com.

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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I recently met a beautiful, intelligent woman. We went out on a first date to dinner and really hit it off. The next day she called and asked if I would like to go out to dinner with her friend and her friend's boyfriend. I thought the second date was too soon to meet her friends, but went anyway. We had a great time. Her friends were really cool, and we had great conversation and a great meal. The whole time, I thought to myself, this is great -- she's cool, she's beautiful, her friends are cool -- I've really hit the long ball! About 11:30, my date and her friend excused themselves to go to the ladies' room. When they returned, my date announced she had to leave, and started walking out of the restaurant. The other couple looked at me, puzzled, and I looked at them, puzzled. My first thought was that she was sick. Then, I thought that maybe her friend told her in the ladies' room that I was a loser and she should dump me ASAP. So I went after her and caught up to her on the street. I asked if anything was wrong and she said no. She said she had to work in the morning and needed to get home. She seem a bit pissed. I asked if I had done anything wrong and she told me it wasn't about me. Needless to say, I went home alone and confused.The next day she called and I told her that since I had only known her for a couple of days, I was confused by her hasty exit the night before. She explained that her friend's boyfriend was a yapper (which he was) and would have kept us there all night if she hadn't left. I asked her why she didn't just say something to me. She told me she has a problem speaking up for herself in situations like that. Now I'm starting to think she may be a bit odd. First, why would anyone just up and leave without any explanation? Second, if she has problems speaking up for herself in a situation as minor as that, what's she going to be like if we hit a real bump in the road? Any thoughts?

-- J.G.

Dear J.G.,
Since Dr. Lovemonkey's wife saw your letter, you have the benefit of two answers about your quandary. The Doctor says you are right to be concerned about your date's behavior. One would think that if her explanation is an honest one, she could have found some way of drawing you aside and explaining that she had had it with Mouth Boy and was planning on making an early exit.

On the other hand, Mrs. Lovemonkey thinks that your date whipped out a cellular phone in the ladies' room and called her ex-boyfriend. Further, she immediately hotfooted it over to his place to engage in intimate relations. I don't know from where my wife has deduced such a fanciful scenario, but I must say that she's an instinctive genius whose opinions are never to be sneezed at. Maybe you should check into the existence of a recent boyfriend for this gal, and whether she totes a cell phone in her handbag. If this turns out to be true, please let the doctor know, so I'm aware that my wife is correct, not just 98 percent of the time, but 100 percent.

By the way: you should know by now if the yammering boyfriend explanation was the whole story, for, if so, you may be experiencing difficulty in lining up another date with this woman. If she's on the level, she's somewhat thoughtless and rude, at the least. Regardless, the answer should soon be clear.

We continue to receive correspondence on the letter from "Ellafan," who ran into a man wearing a "Vagina Friendly" button at a social event, a situation she found weirdly inappropriate. Here's the latest missive:

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I think there may be another valid viewpoint to take on the V-pin, to which the likes of you might also subscribe. I maintain that Badge Boy is not necessarily a ridiculous clod. I say this because, in my own social circle, which I believe consists largely of "respectable people," it wouldn't surprise me (or offend me as a woman) to see someone, male or female, wearing such a button tongue-in-cheek, with the implied subtext, "Can you believe someone went to the trouble to make this and some people would wear it in earnest, and then I was such a sucker I actually bought it just for cheap shock value?"

Call me irreverent, but I would find that endearing. I doubt there are many people out there who really think there's anything to gain by displaying such a message on their chest. Is it possible Ellafan, despite her (?) good taste in music, simply has no sense of satyr? Or am I just jaded and steeped in the Gen X idea that offensive = humorous?

-- Delilah

Dear Delilah,
Once again, as Dr. Lovemonkey said last week, it's a matter of context. Certainly among a bunch of pals who share a wicked sense of humor, the "Vagina Friendly" badge can be seen as endearing. However, the way Ellafan tells it, the event at which this guy was wearing it was not a group of intimate friends. The Doctor nonetheless thanks you for your input on this ongoing discussion.

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