Standing offers

reg.(TM)ark has described itself as "a matchmaker and bank, helping groups or individuals fund sabotage projects." Until about six months ago, potential donors or saboteurs would dial into reg.(TM)ark's database on an anonymous Internet server and propose, or accept, certain projects. Well, the cloak and dagger have been tossed aside -- low-profile political theater, after all, has a certain tree-falling-in-the-forest flaw -- and these days, reg.(TM)ark's anonymous masterminds are perfectly willing to chat about their methods, ideology, and intellectual forbears. They can be reached at rtmark@paranoia.com.

reg.(TM)ark has promised at least two major actions over the next few months, and there's plenty more where those schemes came from. Here are some open offers for all you Saccos and Vanzettis out there in Web-land:

Projects for which funds already exist

* $3000 to a "worker at one of the five biggest mailing and parcel delivery services who can cause several thousand large packages, addressed from one corporation to another, to be delivered instead to social welfare agencies that work with children, during a holiday like Easter or Christmas, with the name and address of the social welfare agencies replacing the originals on the packages."

* $5000 to anyone who can "find and administer a substance to a great number of cattle that will make their beef unfit for consumption -- perhaps by discoloring it -- without harming the cattle's health."

* $750 to each policeman in a major city no smaller than Chicago who "for at least five days, between the hours of six and eight o'clock, at least 10 times a day asks a businessman in a suit and tie for his identity papers, and then informs the businessman that there is a curfew for affluent men. The policeman must say, `So, why aren't you home with your wife?' "

Projects proposed but not yet funded

* "A worker at a paper-cup manufacturer must cause a shipment of cups to bear one of two things: the likeness of any widely despised historical figure, or extremely off-color jokes."

* "Make any famously beautiful but highly polluted body of water turn black with a harmless black dye at the moment it is being filmed by a television station."

* "Drop, from a blimp flying over an NFL football game, a vast number of Mexican flags with a soccer logo on them, printed on tissue paper (or anything else that will not injure on impact)."
-- E.B.

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