Wonderful ways to woo
By Providence Phoenix Staff

Best way to practice French in the dark
Cher, cher, quelle domage. However, you have gotten better at it, since the impression you are making is finally closer to Maurice Chevalier than Pepe Le Pew. But your inner Michael Vartan is nowhere in sight. What? You didn't take her to the last PROVIDENCE FRENCH FILM FESTIVAL? Zut alors! Over 10 days, a record 3655 tickets were dispensed for 44 screenings, many of which were sold-out. The films weren't all by unknown indie up-and-comers, either - Jean-Luc Godard's recent Notre Musique was screened, as well as Christophe Honoré's controversial Ma Mère. So start practicing your Christophe Gans, sans dangling Galoise, and maybe you'll be ready to exercise it with her next year at the ninth annual film festival, scheduled for February 23-March 5 at the Cable Car Cinema.
www.provfrenchfilm.com

Best date with finger food provided
Sometimes when a first date isn't going very well, it's good to have something to do with your hands besides wring them. Sometimes when it's going really well and all it takes is hand brushing hand to topple the two of you into an amorous cloud of dust, it's good to have obscuring foliage around. And then there is the broad middle range, when it's nice to have some simple fun in the sunshine together, especially when there's something yummy to show for it afterward. For all the above occasions, picking berries at SWEET BERRY FARM is a good no-pressure opportunity. The pickings are good from June to December, with strawberries coming in first, then raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries. Peaches also come around for the plucking, if you're not into stoop labor.
19 Third Beach Road, Middletown | 401.847.3912

Best politically defensible cherchezing le homme
Who says they don't have a sense of humor? Let's hear it for assertive women. Amy Lynn Budd, aka LADY MISS IRIS, says she "puts the femme back in feminism" as she modernizes the traditional ecdysiasts' art, taking the smut out of sex with good-natured humor. (A photo on her web site shows her posing in a Charlie Chaplin homburg and mustache.) She has delivered bumps and grinds at fundraisers and at the Magdalena USA women's theater festival. In November she is offering a three-hour workshop at the Learning Connection for "women of all ages, shapes, and sizes" and sometimes does so at the Dance Oasis School of Dance, in Warwick. Always wanted to perform at a one-man bachelor party for your guy but are a little shaky on the moves? Here's your chance.
Learnconnect.com | www.ladymissiris.com

Best merging of sweet nothings and hard facts
Sure, it's all well and good to stare soulfully into his or her eyes, and that's bound to be appreciated. But eventually the time comes to wipe that sappy grin off your face and show your serious side. Nothing fits the bill like staring up into a telescope, in the rapt thrall of education. The MARGARET M. JACOBY OBSERVATORY at the Community College of Rhode Island Knight Campus in Warwick is a good opportunity. Open house viewings are scheduled periodically - this year they were held every Thursday in June. You can look at Venus and recite (under your breath, please) romantic poetry, or see the moons of Jupiter and be reminded of unwavering bonds of love. Or you might get ahold of yourself and sign up for the edifying two-credit Highlights of Astronomy (ASTR 1000).
400 River Avenue, Warwick, 401.825.2212 | physics.ccri.edu/observ.htm

Best excuse to snuggle with your sweetie
From October through April, if you climb aboard one of the SEAL-WATCHING BOATS that goes around Rose Island in Newport Harbor or go out from Wickford near Rome Point, you'll get an eyeful of antics from the harbor seals that spend the winter in Narragansett Bay. But you might also get a stiff wind that will have you clinging for warmth to the person you'd most like to cling to. Sometimes as many as 80 seals are sighted in those spots, and their population in southern New England has been increasing. The seals are often seen "banana-ing"- with head and tail lifted up - and "bottling" - in the water with only their nose showing. Seal watch boats include: The
Alletta Morris, 401.324.6020; the Patriot, through Oldport Marine Services, 401.847.9109 | www.oldportmarine.com; and the Brandaris or Sea Princess, pre-register with South Kingstown Recreation Department, 401.789.9301

Best metaphor in a chocolate
It's not exactly "taking the sour with the sweet," in that familiar saying about relationships. Rather it's appreciating "the salty with the sweet" in the salted caramels at GARRISON CONFECTIONS. The brainstorm of co-owner Andrew Shotts, these dark-chocolate-covered bonbons are salted with Fleur de Sel from Brittany to cut the sweetness and allow the creamy caramel taste to shine. Despite seasonal changes in chocolate flavors at Garrison, these caramels are stocked all year long. In December, Shotts and co-owner Tina Wright feature a "classic collection" of customer favorites, including brandy Alexander, cappucino, and coffee caramel. And for that special someone on Valentine's Day, Garrison offers a "Legendary Lovers" box. Since Garrison's nationally-acclaimed chocolates moved to Providence in 2003, Rhode Islanders have been very willing taste-testers of these delectable morsels.
815 Hope Street, Providence, 401.490.2740 | www.garrisonconfections.com

Best cheap summer cruise
From May 16 through October 16, you can take your sweetie for a day cruise to Newport (or from there to Providence), with no hassles on who will drive, how to drive (back-seating it), or where to park. The NEW ENGLAND FAST FERRY operates a high-speed catamaran six times a day (including holidays), down Narragansett Bay, from Providence's Point Street Landing to the ferry docks at Perrotti Park, in Newport, just a short walk from the Gateway Visitors' Center. Weekday parking is at 360 Eddy Street, Providence, and on weekends near the Point Street Landing. In Newport, parking (and buses to the mansions) is at the Gateway. So climb aboard and watch up to nine lighthouses and 10 islands glide by on Narragansett Bay. Then sightsee to your heart's content and cruise home at the end of the day.
401.453.6800 | www.ripta.com | www.nefastferry.com

Best lesson on how it takes two to . . .
Well, yes, of course, it's tango, but dance always encompasses life's metaphors, doesn't it? Taking tango lessons with KANA KUBOTA does sometimes sound like couples' counseling: "Don't be tentative; be definite; you and your partner are like the wind and the sail. If the wind moves toward you and there's no sail, it won't work." Kubota is a natural teacher who breaks down the steps, the posture, the way the body shifts its weight from one leg to the other. Although based in NYC, she travels weekly to the Towers in Narragansett to teach swing, ballroom, Latin, and three kinds of Argentine tango: milonga, vals, and tango itself, on Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Though it's fun to dance with your regular partner, singles are also welcome. A special tango workshop will take place on Sunday, November 13, with live music, at the Towers.
401.782.2597, dancingkana@yahoo.com | www.thetowersri.com | www.nycdc.com/dancingkana