Night crawler Looking for laughs with Dave Attell BY MIKE MILIARD

Dave Attell has been everywhere. Between his relentless stand-up touring and Insomniac, the weekly nocturnal freak show he hosts on Comedy Central, he’s been found prowling the inky streets, quaffing copious quantities of booze in late-license bars, and snapping souvenir photos with night creatures from Boston to Austin, Amsterdam to Tokyo. But he’s never been to Newport, where he’ll be capping off the Newport Summer Comedy Series this Sunday, August 29 at the Newport Yachting Center.

"I hear it’s a wild time, though," he says over the phone from Los Angeles.

Well, it’s a little more highfalutin than previous destinations like Myrtle Beach or Albuquerque, I tell him. Could he picture himself entertaining the yachting set, moneyed summer folk in cravats, with snifters of brandy and big cigars?

"I don’t really know if that’s my crowd," he laughs. "I think we’re gonna get the people who fuel [the yachts] and wash them. Nothing wrong with that."

What Attell does think is wrong is the puritanical mindset he sees creeping across the country, making it harder to enjoy his beloved vices (and the primary preoccupations of his endearingly boorish comedy routine): booze, smokes, and sex. He was just in Brazil, where "there’s no laws, really. Brazil is crazy. I got to go see a breast implant operation. Smoking and drinking anywhere I want. Crazy hot chicks all over the place." It’s an atmosphere that he has a hard time seeing here. "It would be nice if there was a little balance. If we could smoke in part of the bar again. But I think it’s only gonna get worse, personally. That’s why I’m stockpiling porn and cigarettes for the eventual end of it all. It’ll be like a money on the black market."

The FCC, too, has been cracking down on Insomniac’s televised revelry. "In the past we would bleep and blur stuff. Now they don’t wanna see it at all. What can we do, cut to a basket of kittens or something?" Still, Attell says, it’s a helluva job, even if it’s a little exhausting. "I’m 39. It would be a dream job if I was 29. Or 19 would be the best. Even though it [looks like it takes place over] one night, it takes us nights and nights to shoot sometimes, depending on availability and all that. So we do get a little worn out. And it is a lot of power drinking, on and off camera. When I go into these clubs everyone wants to buy me a drink. Which is kinda nice, but you can’t drink every drink."

If you do try to treat him this weekend, Attell says to keep it simple. "I’m pretty much a boring drunk. I pretty much just drink beer or shots of Jaeger. Jameson. Or vodka. It’s not like I’m a gin rickey man, or these crazy dabbler drinks. I’m just a beer-and-a-shot man." Does Comedy Central offer him a liver insurance policy? "No, they don’t have any insurance, actually," he laughs. "Their insurance policy is a pat on the back. But they are very good to me. Who else would give me a show? They did. And you can do things on there that you can’t do anywhere else."

If Insomniac has garnered Attell more free drinks than he needs, one thing it hasn’t done is improve the love life of a man who describes his looks as "Andre Agassi-with-a-drinking-problem." Despite the bevy of buxom beauties mobbing him on the cover of last year’s stand-up disc, Skanks for the Memories (Comedy Central), he says his fame makes it harder to hook up, not easier.

"I’ll be in a bar, and I’m thinking, ‘This girl is smiling at me, I’m going to work over there and use some of my cable television magic on her.’ And then two guys will walk over and start talking about my show. Which is nice, but they’re kind of cock-blocking me. I’m like, ‘Dudes, we can talk about cable TV all night. But do you see that girl over there? I’m gonna try and, like, talk to her.’ And they’ll be like, ‘That’s totally cool, man! We’ll go over there and help you.’ That’s when I know it’s over. It doesn’t matter. I’m old now, anyway. I have the money now to just go home and buy the finest porn around."

While Insomniac has upped his stock considerably, Attell says his true calling is to be on stage with a microphone. "I am a stand-up comic, that’s what I do. My crowd’s really a good drunk crowd. They drink hard, but they’re there to laugh . . . There’s usually a party in the bar area afterwards. We all hang out. We’re looking to hook up. People want pictures and stuff. I like my crowd. That’s the best thing that came out of Insomniac. I finally connected with the people who laugh at what I’m saying."

Dave Attell will perform on Sunday, August 29 at the Newport Yachting Center, 4 Commercial Wharf. Tickets are $35; call (401) 846-3018 or visit www.newportcomedy.com.