BY CLIF GARBODEN

THURSDAY 8

9:30 [2] TOM JONES: THE LEGEND | Repeated from last week. Behind the sweaty "ladies’ man for middle-aged ladies" exterior, Tom turns out to be a pretty hip and musical guy. That may or may not come across in this 1981 concert of hits from his TV show taped in Vancouver. | Until 11 pm

9:00 [44] ANDRÉ RIEU: THE CHRISTMAS I LOVE | We do not love you, André Rieu. We dislike you more than we dislike Helmut Lotti, and we dislike Helmut Lotti with a passion as hot as the fire of a thousand suns. Please, PBS, get people like this off public television. Our culture is in terrible shape thanks to over-commercialization. The mass-marketers are determined to reduce all entertainment to lackluster crap because lowest-common-denominator efforts sell. Civilization is in decline. We’re at war for no good reason. People are driving mid-size Japanese cars and enjoying it. Bird flu threatens to wipe out half our population. It turns out that computers make life only more difficult. The Internet is pointless. The commercial TV networks are mired in mediocrity. Channel 2 sends out program schedules that we can’t understand. And you expect people to watch this idiot pretend to play classical music? Stop deluding yourselves. Only fools and morons like this guy. Do you want fools and morons watching your television station? They certainly aren’t welcome here. We see a fool reading our column and we yell right out, "Hey, fool, put down that newspaper! There is much you were not meant to understand." | Until 11 pm

FRIDAY 9

9:00 [2] THE AS TIME GOES BY REUNION SPECIAL | Actually, this is that Brit-com’s second reunion special. In the first one, Sandy and Judy got married. (Not to each other; it’s not that kind of Brit-com.) In this they get pregnant — or don’t. Anyway, the topic’s on the table. Not a spectacular show, but it’s nice to see Judi Dench and Geoffrey Palmer looking so good. Warning: assuming that Channel 2 is still fundraising, you should know that the final scene of the special finds Jean and Lionel sitting in the hospital lobby, alone. The rest of the cast is either being treated or off drinking coffee. The only thing that follows this scene is the credits. When WGBH aired the show last month, it cut away for a pledge break seconds before the credits rolled, causing curious viewers to endure another round of empty flattery and begging for no reward. Don’t be fooled again. | Until 11 pm

2:00 AM [44] ST. OLAF CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL | From Northfield, Minnesota, where the James Gang met misfortune, we have the choirs of St. Olaf’s College performing the town’s traditional Christmas celebration. If you want an interesting show from PBS this month, you’ve got to stay up way past your bedtime. To be repeated at 5 am on Channel 2. | Until 3 am

SATURDAY 10

1:30 [12] BASKETBALL | Duke versus Texas.

3:00 [2] VIEWER FAVORITES | Becca the winsome blonde and her slightly nerdish friend Rodney had stood in line for hours to get tickets to see their favorite band, Pizza Pudding, perform songs from their latest album, There But for One Loud German Guy in a Bar. Now the show was about to begin. Ungi T., the band’s lead singer and rhythm guitarist, who had written most of the group’s hits, took center stage and delivered the first verse of the chartbusting "Why Should Whales Have Teeth?" in his trademark falsetto. Becca was enthralled. Rodney mouthed along with the familiar lyrics: "My knee’s so sore./My feet are cold./Won’t someone love me/Before I grow mold?" And just as Rodney was thinking, "So true, Ungi, so true," the lights went out and the arena filled with the smell of burning hair. | Until midnight.

3:45 [12] BASKETBALL | Kentucky versus Indiana.

8:00 [10] IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE | movie | Sure, everybody’s seen Frank Capra’s 1946 Christmas classic, but what about blind people? No kidding, this is "video described for the vision impaired." That’s nice, but who does the describing? George Bush (the elder). NBC probably confused blind people with old people when they did that casting. Otherwise, it’s the same old holiday heartwarmer starring Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and Lionel Barrymore. | Until 11 pm

8:30 [6] DR. SEUSS’S HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS | movie | Stealth and cunning? Not to be confused with, say, Francis Bacon’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, or with the 1966 animated version narrated by Vincent Price. No, this, alas, is Ron Howard’s 2000 live-action adaptation starring Jim Carrey. Okay, Carrey was a good choice because he’s truly weirder than everybody else. (Except like Buddy Hackett or Jonathan Winters, neither of whom was available.) Otherwise, Opie should have left well enough alone. | Until 11 pm

SUNDAY 11

1:00 [12] FOOTBALL | The Pats versus the Buffalo Bills.

1:00 [6] US FIGURE SKATING CHALLENGE | Apparently this is coming to us from the Agganis Arena at BU. The challenge is to get a good score from the audience. Well, the crowd can’t do much worse than real skating judges. Vying for this whatever dubious honors are available will — barring injury — be Sasha Cohen, Alissa Czisny, Emily Hughes, Johnny Weir, Tim Goebel, Evan Lysacek, and Michael Weiss. | Until 3 pm

4:00 [12] FOOTBALL | The Kansas City Chiefs versus the Dallas Cowboys.

4:00 [64] FOOTBALL | The New York Giants versus the Philadelphia Eagles.

6:00 [2] VIEWER FAVORITES | "Whew! That was close," said Becca the winsome blonde, as she and her slightly nerdish friend Rodney slipped quietly out the back door of the arena. "Yeah," said Rodney, "Who do you think brought all that hair?" "Don’t know," confessed Becca. "But what I really can’t figure is who set it on fire?" "Becca . . . " said Rodney sheepishly. "Yes, Rodney." "Do you think we can get our money back?" | Until midnight.

MONDAY 12

7:30 [2] VIEWER FAVORITES | Ungi T., lead singer and rhythm guitarist for the band Pizza Pudding, was outraged. Nobody had ever asked for his money back before. "No!" he screamed in his trademark falsetto. "The hair thing was part of the show! No refunds!" And with that he stepped into his limo and was driven away to the local Holiday Inn. | Until 11 pm

9:00 [6] FOOTBALL | The New Orleans Saints versus the Atlanta Falcons.

TUESDAY 13

7:30 [2] LA PLAZA: CONVERSATIONS WITH ILAN STAVANS | Host Stavans talks about music, Texas, and roots with singer-songwriter Tish Hinojosa. | Until 8 pm

9:00 [2] FRONTLINE: THE WALL STREET FIX | An old report tracing the rise and fall of WorldCom, the company that made Wall Street insiders rich and robbed average investors blind. | Until 10 pm

WEDNESDAY 14

8:00 [10] ELTON JOHN: THE RED PIANO | Elton was always more than a little disturbing, but as he ages, it’s becoming downright creepy. Doing nothing to counter that impression, he performs his show from Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, and that includes Pamela Anderson (Barbed Wire) doing a pole dance to "The Bitch Is Back." Justin Timberlake is also on hand to take the part of Young Elton John during the rendition of "Rocket Man." Sure it’s all an ad for his show, but look, at least it’s not another repeat episode of Law & Order. | Until 9 pm

THURSDAY 15

8:00 [6] THE SANTA CLAUSE | Guaranteeing that another generation will be forever confused about how to spell Santa Claus, we have Tim Allen and several actors you never heard of in this 1994 holiday comedy about a man forced to take the jolly old elf’s place after accidentally killing him. | Until 10 pm

10:00 [6] PRIMETIME SPECIAL EDITION | PETER JENNINGS REPORTING: BREAKDOWN — AMERICA’S HEALTH INSURANCE CRISIS | A little bit spooky, but understandable. Jennings began this report before he died of cancer earlier this year. Charles Gibson does the introduction. The topic is the 46 million Americans without health insurance, a statistic that makes us stand out as the big loser of the industrial world. | Until 11 pm