In discussing with Bill, my own Valentine, the following half-dozen suggestions for special Valentine’s dinners, it quickly became clear that one person’s concept of "special" could be someone else’s idea of ordinary. So, the following selection is based on my own personal criteria.

A romantic place isn’t just good food and good company; it’s the whole atmosphere surrounding the meal. Sure, you want the dining room to be intimate, where you can take your companion’s hand for an instant and look longingly into his or her eyes. But the restaurant itself doesn’t have to be small if it establishes, through architecture or interior design, some smaller areas within a larger space through booths, alcoves, or even distinct rooms.

For me, a crucial part of a restaurant’s intimacy quotient is the noise level. If the acoustics or table arrangements are such that you hear every other conversation in the room, you may have the uncomfortable feeling that other diners will hear yours. A gregarious bar scene next to the dining room could overwhelm your own attempts at conversation. And if the music is so loud that you find yourself shouting across the table, it’s not quite conducive to whispering sweet nothings. (Give me Ella, Frank, or Norah Jones, medium-low, please.)

Next comes the service. For a romantic night out, you want a place with a leisurely, but attentive pace. A 45-minute wait between courses isn’t desirable, but nor do you want wait and bussing staff to be whisking past you at a fast clip, sliding dishes on and off the table. As for waiters and waitresses, the ones I remember most fondly (and who lent a glow to a particular dinner) were those who seemed to genuinely love their jobs. They were neither fawning (looking for good tips?) nor aloof, neither intrusive nor hard-to-find. Thoughtful about answering questions, they seemed to want to make the meal a pleasant experience, and so it was.

A word about décor: less-is-more approach usually serves well. Too many tchotchkes, whether on wall, tables, or sideboards, and may you feel hemmed in by memories of Aunt Lucy’s house. Tasteful themes carried through in imaginative ways, however, are always captivating. And crisp table linens with fresh flowers, and candles or oil lamps, are a must for romantic mood-setting.

Next comes the food. For me, the more items made in-house, the better, especially the desserts. I like a menu that takes risks in an intelligent and imaginative way, one that offers new variations on old favorites, and introduces new flavors and ingredients with confidence and competence.

Keeping in mind that the following suggestions are inherently subjective, let’s begin with New Rivers (7 Steeple St., Providence, 401-751-0350). Founded in 1990 by Bruce Tillinghast and his late wife, Pat, New Rivers has kept its reputation through consistently high quality combined with friendly and knowledgeable service. Its emphasis is on "new American" cuisine, with worldwide influences, using the best local ingredients, such as seafood and organic produce. Tillinghast changes the menu seasonally and maintains a choice wine list. He and his staff pour terrific drinks, including a popular margarita using Cuervo Gold, Grand Marnier, and fresh lemon and lime juice.

A Valentine’s weekend special may include rack of lamb for two, but certainly New Rivers’ winter menu favorites will be available: choucroute garni, sauerkraut and sausage, braised together; winter salad with a blood orange vinaigrette, smoked duck breast and oven-dried fennel with fennel oil; and grilled Thai beef with bok choy on red curry rice with coconut milk. For dessert, try chocolate "decadense," a dense flourless chocolate cake with minted dried fruit sauce, crème anglaise, and whipped cream; or New Rivers’ signature lemon tart; or a plate of eight homemade cookies: ginger, Mayan mystery (chocolate with cayenne), cappuccino coins; biscotti dipped in chocolate and candied citrus rind. Those should make you feel special.

Tucked away at the far end of Federal Hill, Gracie’s (409 Atwells Ave., Providence, 401-272-7811) is a treat for the eyes, the palate, and the spirit. Owner Ellen Gracyalny took a star motif and ran with it. Golden stars hang here and there against a black ceiling; they show up in the banquette upholstery, in coasters, above the coat rack, and in the candleholders. The candles themselves, which flicker everywhere, reflect in small mirrors, creating a soft glow throughout Gracie’s small dining area.

So it’s no surprise that the staff and chef Champe Speidel go out of their way to pamper you: with complementary soupçons from the kitchen, and with flavor, color, and shape treats on each plate. Some examples include seared scallops with Medjool dates and a curried emulsion, or a chilled Maine crabmeat cocktail, spiked with grapefruit, radishes and bits of green apple. None of this is as precious as it might sound, just fun and extremely delicious. Be adventurous at Gracie’s: try the rabbit or venison (or the winter vegetable tasting). And don’t stint on the fabulous desserts, such as warm chocolate pudding cake or the banana financier, caramelized bananas with sponge cake.

If you’re down South County way (or have reason to be) on Valentine’s Day, head to Woody’s (21 Pier Market Place, Narragansett, 401-789-9500) for a quiet and thoroughly delicious meal. To his credit, Johnson & Wales-trained chef/owner Ted Monahan kept the décor of a previous Italian restaurant when he and wife Kim took over about six years ago, after running a successful place in Westerly. The cream-colored walls and spring-green ceiling, along with lace curtains on the windows, set the mood for the Tuscan and Provençal cooking that dominates the menu.

And what a skillfully executed menu it is. Pistachio-encrusted lamb has been a favorite from the beginning, as has brick-seared free-range chicken. The more ingenious dishes, such as roasted eggplant ravioli with a tomato-and-cream sauce, or the roasted squash quesadilla are also delicious. And desserts are classic and astoundingly good: apple croustade, pot de crème, and individual warm chocolate cakes with raspberry sauce, something to win your heart for sure.

The other end of South County offers another favorite romantic spot: Shelter Harbor Inn (10 Wagner Rd., Westerly, 401-322-8883). Shelter Harbor feels like a step back in time, since the main building dates from 1810, and the wide floorboards, low ceilings, flowered wallpaper, thick wooden pillars in the middle of the room, and crackling logs (real ones) in the fireplace take you back to Colonial Rhode Island.

Some of the menu items might do the same, such as jonnycakes, cider-braised pot roast, and chicken potpie. But in addition to such old-fashioned Yankee favorites, Shelter Harbor has kept up-to-date with its own special risottos and pastas — smoked scallops on capellini in a thyme-leek cream sauce is a winner. Another perennial favorite is the hazelnut-encrusted chicken. For dessert, brandied gingerbread and Indian pudding refer again to the inn’s heritage, but house-made sorbets and tortes are also excellent. And if the warm fire and good food lead to more romantic notions, you can always take a room for the night!

You might have the same inclinations after finishing a meal at Mamma Luisa (473 Thames St., Newport, 401-848-5257), because the dining rooms feel like a house (they once were) and the owner/chefs feel like family, but in this case you’d have to search out a nice B&B. First, though, put yourself in the hands of co-owner/chef Marco Trazzi, who comes from a long line of female restaurateurs back in Bologna, with a sommelier for a father. One of the intriguing things about Mamma Luisa is that it offers vegetarian and vegan dishes throughout the menu, and they are conceived and prepared as carefully as any of the meat entrees. So you could choose a meatless pasta or a seitan (wheat gluten) stew while your partner settles in with traditional Bolognese meat sauce or a veal scallopini.

This is all brought forth with such warmth and genuine interest that, as diners sink into the deep red banquette cushions against a buttery-yellow wall and gaze at the lace curtains and pen-and-ink scenes of Italy on the wall, it’s easy to feel transported to another place, another time. Be sure to ask Marco for wine suggestions, as he’s eager to suggest new ones. And indulge in a mousse or tiramisu to round out the sense of homey decadence.

Also in the East Bay is one of the four restaurants owned by Amar Singh, under the name of India (520 Main St., Warren, 401-245-4500). The food and service at India are always a treat, and the dining room at the Warren restaurant has booth-like spaces and deep rich fabrics that lend a lush, romantic feel to any visit.

This restaurant also offers vegetarian choices balanced against a carnivore’s dream. A new favorite veggie option is ravioli masala, large, round, homemade raviolis stuffed with masala-spiced, minced portobellos. Long-time favorites include mango chicken curry and grilled kebabs (a mixture of meat and seafood, usually shrimp, lamb, chicken, and fish, all expertly cooked). Make sure to consult the helpful waitstaff about the spiciness quotient for each dish. And order a mango lassi (like a mango/yogurt milkshake) to balance the heat. Or try some mango ice cream or rice pudding to cap the fire, unless you want to hold onto the heat for romantic inspiration.

Close runners-up for my top-six romantic spots: Basil’s (Narragansett); Celestial Café (Exeter); Restaurant Bouchard and Indian Grill (Newport); Nonna Cherubina (Warwick); Caffe Itri and L’osteria (Cranston); and Redlefsen’s (Bristol). Other prospects fell into the brunch category, a whole romantic notion in itself: White Horse Tavern and the Inn at Castle Hill (Newport): Downcity Food & Cocktails and Rue de l’Espoir (Providence); Van Ghent (Westerly); and Crazy Burger (Narragansett). Now it’s your turn: Go out and find your own special place!