Self-Starter

I’m 21 and I’ve always had trouble coming during sex, no matter the position, size of the guy, etc. But it doesn’t bother me because I have no trouble coming during oral or manual stimulation. So it’s never really been a problem — until I started sleeping with this new guy. Soon after I start moaning and getting into it, he starts whispering for me to "come on baby." When he’s about to come he’s like, "I hope you’re getting close, I want to come with you." And then after we’re done he’ll ask if I got there or not! I’ve told him that I basically just don’t come during sex, but that doesn’t deter him, and I’m getting kind of sick of the pressure. Should I just fake it?

_Pestered Girl

A woman should never fake an orgasm during vaginal intercourse, PG, as it reinforces the most damaging misconception there is about female sexuality — namely, that all women can climax from vaginal intercourse alone. In fact, only 25 percent of women can come during vaginal intercourse. The overwhelming majority of women require additional focused clitoral stimulation — manually, orally, a vibrator. If your current boyfriend is really invested in you getting off while he’s fucking you, tell him that he’s going to have to get a hand down there too, or be cool with you using your hand while he fucks you. Or he can buy himself one of those cockrings with a vibrator built into the top of it, and grind that into your clit while he fucks you.

I love hearing my boyfriend say nasty things to me while we fuck. My problem is that my boyfriend doesn’t like to talk dirty. He says he doesn’t think he’s good at it. I don’t need dirty talk to get off, so our sex life is still great. But how do I coax him out of his shell?

_Girl Wants A Bedtime Story

Tell your boyfriend that all he needs to do during sex is tell you what he’s about to do ("I’m going to fuck you…"), tell you what he’s doing ("I’m fucking you…"), and tell you what he’s just done ("I fucked you…"). He doesn’t have to be an expert at dirty talk to do that, he just has to be able to keep his tenses straight. If he’s got a high-school education he should be able to do that much.

You recently wrote, "Each and every one of us embarrasses himself in some way when he loses his virginity. Mortification can’t be avoided." I thought it would be great if you asked your readers for their embarrassing stories about losing their virginities. That way your yet-to-be-deflowered readers won’t feel alone when they have their mortifying moments.

I’ll start: My freshman year of college I had been dating my girlfriend for a couple months. We had done pretty much everything else there was to do and we were in love, like any good freshman couple, so we decided to both have sex for the first time. Since it was her first time, it was rather painful for her and I went very slowly, moving just half an inch deeper at a time. Finally I was all the way in and stopped. She felt me stop and sweetly said the words every man longs to hear in bed: "Is that it?" She was asking me if I was all the way in or whether she should brace for more, she didn’t realize what she had said until it was too late. I was mortified, of course, and it took much consoling to rebuild my male confidence.

_My Ego Eventually Recovered

That’s a swell idea, MEER. "Savage Love" readers are hereby invited to e-mail their mortifying true stories of losing their virginities. Keep ’em under 200 words and send ’em to virgin@savagelove.net. I’ll run a bunch in an upcoming column — I may even include my own deeply mortifying tale o’ woe.

Speaking o’ tales o’ woe, remember SASA? He was the straight boy who, thinking only with his dick, went to a strange woman’s dark apartment in the middle of the night for an NSA blowjob. The oral turned into anal and the woman turned out to be a dude. I invited "Savage Love" readers to weigh in on his tale, and you can read the expert legal analysis, accusations of urban-legend propagation, eerily similar tales of woe, and confessions from guys who’ve taken advantage of other straight guys like SASA at http://link.thestranger.com/surprisedate.