Celona world It’s a very interesting place to visit

Mike Stanton’s report in Sunday’s BeloJo — about who may be on the hot spot because of the federal grand jury testimony being supplied by disgraced former state Senator John "My Sharona" Celona — was certainly an eye-opener. The story, which concentrated on the links between Celona and Roger Williams Hospital, indicated that RW head ramrod Robert A. Urciuoli and Fran Driscoll, a former vice president, could be in deep doo-doo. As the Urinal reported, prosecutors have told Urciuoli and Driscoll that they are targets of the investigation.

What P&J have never understood about this whole sordid chapter of influence-peddling is why, oh, why did such supposedly intelligent entities as Roger Williams Hospital, CVS, and Blue Cross get in bed with the likes of Celona? (P&J asked the same question when Tony Freitas was revealed as the federal government’s key witness in Operation Plunder Dome. Didn’t the geniuses at City Hall know how Freitas had a "vanity" radio show — i.e., he paid for the time — on WALE in the early ’90s, where he regularly spouted the anti-corruption/Operation Clean Government line?)

John Celona walks in a room, and you think, "Why is this silly man wearing an even sillier rug." Then he opens his mouth, and you think, "This is one of the worst walking advertisements for self-aggrandizement that I’ve ever come across." Hence your next thought would not likely be, "I really want to be in business with this man."

While Roger Williams Hospital is taking the heat right now, P&J will be very interested to see what happens when My Sharona starts singing about his relationship with CVS. The Other Paper has already pegged two company executives as having worked Celona for their company’s interests.

PRURIENT GOVERNMENT

Phillipe & Jorge were heartened to read in the Washington Post that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is targeting pornography as "one of the top priorities" of his office. Sex and nudity evidently come before promoting torture in ’Berto’s cultural bodega.

The FBI’s Washington field office is now recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. (May your superior correspondents suggest a visit to the Foxy Lady’s "Legs and Eggs" show for those well versed in this field?) The Post quoted FBI wags as responding to the initiative with disdain. "I guess this means we won the war on terror," commented one. Another FBI vet said, "Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves."

Nice move, Senor Gonzales. Is that a chihuahua in your pocket or are you just glad to see us?

Sleep tight, Marilyn Chambers. (Phillipe dated her when she was a cheerleader in high school.) Sis-boom-bah!

FATHERS KNOW BEST

Maybe the Vatican is checking out the Cool, Cool World more closely than we ever thought. Last week, we wrote about the inevitability of same-sex marriage, how it’s the one of those long overdue things to support, and why the Biggest Little should get on board ASAP.

On September 22, a front-page article in the New York Times indicated how clueless the Catholic Church continues to be about human sexuality. A story leaked from the Vatican that it is intending to bar all homosexuals from the priesthood, including those who are celibate. In enforcing this new system, the Vatican plans to send investigative teams from Rome to swoop down on each of the 229 seminaries in the US.

Could this be a twisted response to the child molestation scandals that have rocked the church? If so, the gang at the Vatican ought to take a look at the data on pedophilia and sexual orientation, particularly how heterosexuals are far more likely to engage in pedophilia. This has nothing to do with same-sex orientation.

Maybe the church’s stance is just another expression of the institution’s disdain for same-sex orientation. Your superior correspondents will be quite interested to see how it makes a judgment on the sexual orientation of people who are celibate.

The percentage of young men entering the priesthood in the Catholic Church has been dangerously low for a few decades. Is there any reason to believe that this new purge will help to recruit more candidates? And, of course, there is the issue of women who have heard the call to serve as priests. The church tells them, "You’re hearing is defective," and it’s only men who get to hold the power in this organization.

Religious institutions can do as they will, but when it comes to human sexuality, the Roman Catholic Church’s experience in having a bunch of celibate men sitting around talking to each other hasn’t exactly enlightened anyone.

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT — AND DAY

Well, since we’re being totally offensively sexist in the above piece, let P&J beat a retreat to publicize the Biggest Little’s 27th annual Take Back the Night March, a strong stance against violence against women. (No need for you to attend, Alberto Gonzales — just go punch out a stripper.) The march begins on Friday, September 3o at 6:30 pm in the lobby of the URI’s Providence campus with an opening ceremony of guest speakers, featuring Alison Bologna of NBC 10; Donna M. Hughes, URI professor & Eleanor M. and Oscar M. Carlson endowed chair in women’s studies; and drumming by DrumSisters. The march through the streets of Providence will be followed at 8 pm by a free concert in the URI Paff Auditorium with new works, entitled "Sweet Novina," by local composer and jazz artist Kim Trusty.

The march, which P&J remember stepping off ages ago in front of the late, lamented Providence hipster spot Leo’s, is an important international event. Take Back the Night is a highly symbolic stance against violence against women in the home, on the streets, in school, and in the workplace. Want to beat up a woman? Try us first, boys.

As always, be there or be square. For further details contact URI at 401.277.5206, or Jodi at jlglass53@aol.com.

JUST WONDERING

So now Cindy Sheehan gets arrested. Judith Miller, New York Times reporter, remains in jail. Unspeakable pig boy Karl Rove, Gollum-like Scooter Libby and toadish, liver-lipped Robert Novak continue to slither around at will. Isn’t this a great country?

THE LAUGH TEST

Oh, OK, P&J will believe Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, the world’s biggest phony and E.T. look-alike, had no idea when he sold his stock that it was about to tank almost immediately. That doesn’t even pass the Casa Diablo laugh test. This pompous fellow is a jerk. Being self-absorbed, he thinks folks would actually vote for him for president without a .45 revolver stuck in their ears. The GOP is finding a lot of this thinking these days, especially as Dubya’s administration is on the fast track to being deemed the worst ever in US history.

Sleep tight, Herbert Hoover.

SMART AND TOUGH

Let us put our shoe phone to our ear and clench our fists to honor Don "Maxwell Smart" Adams and Tommy Bond, "Butch" in the Our Gang/Little Rascals series, both of whom passed away this past week. Get Smart was a genius comedy of its time, as was the Our Gang series, with Spanky, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Darla, and their posse. Get Smart was totally off the wall, while Our Gang provided a mix of white and black kids, gals and guys, that even today’s best shows can’t match. Sleep tight, Agent 86, and you too, Petey.

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