What a pisser! Just hold it until you get home, Georgie

Could it have been any more hilarious than when a Reuters photographer at the United Nations took an over the shoulder shot of President Georgie Boy, writing a note to Queen Lotsateetha Rice, that said in essence, "I need to go potty, Mommy"? It certainly ranks on a par with his father throwing up in the lap of the Japanese prime minister at a state dinner in Tokyo, but at least 41 always sat at the grownups’ table.

It shows you how incredibly insecure Dubya is — and not too bright — when it comes to public events. We already know that he is a lazy, disinterested, incurious, God-bothering elitist. But when the most powerful man in the world doesn’t have the wherewithal to drag himself up on his hind legs, excuse himself, and take leave of the room to go point Percy at the porcelain, UN or not, it’s almost frightening.

You should know how it works, Georgie. You raise your hand and ask Kofi Annan if you can get a hall pass to go to the little boys’ room.

TIME TO GET ON BOARD

Those following what is going on with same-sex marriage in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts must be utterly stunned. It’s very rare in politics that a body of elected representatives of the people — voting for reason and common sense — has decided that the current law will stand. Same-sex marriage remains the law of our neighboring state.

Your superior correspondents (along with a great many pundits and opinion writers) believe the marriage initiative has been further affirmed because people in Massachusetts noticed what advocates have said all along. In other words, the ability for gays and lesbians to have the same marriage-rights as straights will have absolutely no impact on heterosexual marriage or heteros in general.

Old Vo Dilun hands will remember the years-long battle, which started a couple of decades ago, to add sexual orientation to the state’s anti-discrimination laws. The opposition came out in full force, testifying at State House hearings that this would end life as we knew it. After numerous attempts, a bill was finally passed. Has anyone noticed, other than those who were discriminated against because of their sexual orientation, and who now have the right to pursue justice through the judicial system?

What of those people who testified against civil rights protections for same-sexers? They have moved on to try and block gay marriage. What they really fear is that more and more people no longer see homosexuality as a sin, an "illness," or something "unnatural."

P&J know a straight man who finds short women with glasses and overbites very attractive. We know another man who is attracted almost solely to women with red hair. What’s up with that? We also say, so what? And we further ask, how is this so different from same-sex attraction? We really think that it isn’t. Jorge hates mayonnaise — won’t touch the stuff — but he doesn’t think it should be banned.

We would like to believe the Biggest Little will step up to become the second state in the nation to embrace same-sex marriage, but we are not very optimistic. There is a long history of social conservatism in the state legislature, and the influence of the Roman Catholic Church remains quite powerful in this state. It is inevitable, though, that restrictions on same-sex marriage will fall — just as segregation laws fell. If we don’t start moving in the right direction immediately, we’re going to look like morons in 50 years. Well, actually we do look like morons (for this and many other reasons). Massachusetts seems a little less moronic, albeit with more obnoxious automobile drivers.

NEXT TO THE YART CLUB

Your superior correspondents have come up with the perfect name for a Vo Dilun waterfront restaurant that combines the best of dining by the Bay, British rock music, and the Biggest Little’s famous accent: Dockside of the Moon.

SPORTING EFFORT AT URI

In full disclosure mode, Phillipe has been working with faculty and officials at URI and the Institute for International Sport on their prestigious annual Honors Colloquium, this year on the theme of "Contemporary Sport: Healthy Pursuit or Obsession?" We mention this because: a) We just don’t care about conflicts of interest; and b) It has a cookin’ lineup of speakers you should know about.

Kicking off the series of weekly presentations (free and open to the public), which run through November 29, was NCAA president Myles Brand, who is perhaps best known, when he was president at Indiana University, for firing Bobby Knight. The national AP wire picked up his remarks about the effect of Hurricane Katrina on college athletes and the current NCAA transfer rules. Future big-name speakers include the Olympic anti-doping czar Richard Pound, writer Frank Deford, UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun, the legendary Celtic Bob Cousy, and Martha Burk, who led the protest at the Masters golf tournament regarding women not being allowed to join the host Augusta National Golf Club.

There’s much more info at www.uri.edu/hc/. As always, be there or be square.

THE BIG EASY

As the tragedy of Katrina continues, P&J’s hearts can’t but ache about New Orleans, which we know and love as a magical place, practically America’s only version of a European city. We fondly recall lunches at funky Uglesich’s; dinners at the elegant Galatoire’s; muffalettas, gumbo, and Dixie beers at the Napoleon House; the smell of magnolias in the air; and becoming over-served at the Old Absinthe House. (Phillipe’s sisters Sally and Stephanie, and even his mother, ended up tired and emotional around two in the morning at OAH one time. They later had their hotel manager knocking on their door at 4 am, asking them to keep it down because he got complaints from the neighboring rooms. It runs in the family.)

Other good memories: sister Sally, a lounge singer in London, being asked onstage to sing "Summertime" at the Blues Café before the local crowd of strippers and con men, going on to get the biggest ovation of the night; the National D-Day Museum and the story of N.O.-produced Higgins boats; the Meters and the Nevilles tearing it up at Tipitina’s and the Howlin’ Wolf; spending a walletful at Reverend Zombie’s and Marie Laveau’s House of Voodoo on Mississippi mud dolls and gris-gris bags; funky record stores on Magazine Street, where you can still get Ernie K-Doe original albums; and Audubon Park and the St. Charles streetcars, and, yeah, the one named Desire.

Our friends from New Orleans who used to house us in the Garden District say it could well be a year before they can return, and they have rented a house in Baton Rouge, where their law firm has relocated, lock, stock and barrel. Ain’t that a shame, as local legend Fats Domino, plucked off a rooftop amidst the flooding, would say.

KUDOS & CONGRATS . . .

. . . to BeloJo editorial writer and syndicated columnist Froma Harrop who, week after week, churns out some of the most thoughtful and incisive opinion pieces to be found anywhere in the USA. P&J check out a lot of newspapers from different parts of the country on a regular basis, and Harrop’s reason and consistency place her among the very best.

Sunday’s column ("Drug war and class war") was a perfect example. Harrop is at her best in taking on issues that others shy away from because the truth is too uncomfortable or since it’s so egregious and obvious that we just look ignore the problem. "Drug war and class war" cut right through the stupid anti-drug posturing and rhetoric to explain why the Higher Education Act’s drug provision (in which students lose federal education aid if found guilty of a drug-related crime) is both stupid and discriminatory. Froma is right on the money.

Send macrobiotic homeopathic fish sticks and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@ phx.com.