Whoops! The convenience of employing Karl Rove

Gee, it didn’t take long to find out just how Bush was going to cover his boy Karl’s large, white buttocks. He’s conveniently going to ignore what he previously said about firing anyone in his administration who was "involved" in leaking Valerie Plame’s name. Now, "if somebody committed a crime," they’ll be fired. Mission accomplished.

Your superior correspondents are somehow certain that whatever Rove did — or does — will never be deemed criminal, even if he were to shoot someone in the back, in broad daylight on a crowded street. Trust us on this.

An article on the leak investigation in Tuesday’s Washington Post (carried by the Other Paper on the front page), featuring an uproarious example of over-the-top political spin, had ’em rolling in the aisles at Casa Diablo. Republican operative Victoria Toensing (who helped to write the law in question, The Intelligence Identities Protection Act of 1982) rushed to the president’s defense, saying that Bush is "now saying what he likely meant to say when the investigation was launched." Right, Victoria, and when you heard P&J say, "You dissembling sycophant," we likely meant, "My, you look lovely this evening."

Toensing went on to add what must be official GOP mantra: "But what is it that somebody did wrong if they didn’t break the law?" Indeed. Actually, you could check with Mr. Rove about all the distortions and dirty tricks he’s been taking part in for decades. What was wrong about untraceable mailers and the highly effective whispering campaign alleging that Senator John McCain fathered a "colored" child out of wedlock? (This having happened in South Carolina, "colored" might be the least offensive operative description.)

Mark our words: whatever comes out, Rove and Cheney’s butt boy, Scooter Libby, will not be canned, no way, no how. In fact, look for them to be picking up the Medal of Freedom from President Ralph Reed in 2020.

WHOOPS! NO. 2

How’s about that zany Mike McMahon, the Don’s economic development chief, blurting out, "2011," when asked Monday on the Dan Yorke Show when the blackjack and poker table will be arriving at Lincoln Park. While the governor is opposed to the expansion of gambling, McMahon added, "We need the revenue now."

Of course, after McMahon’s comments caused a bit of controversy, the economic development director claimed it was just a "throwaway" joke line. Perhaps it was, but there is a deeper truth in play. No matter what they say, McMahon and Carcieri know that we are going there in the future. While they kick and scream on one hand, they’re busy counting the grosses on the other.

Hey, everybody’s against gambling. And we’re going to keep expanding it, as long as the state gets to control 60 percent of the take. Let’s just make sure that we don’t let the Narragansetts in on it.

Here is the question that P&J would like to ask the governor, the General Assembly, and the other parties responsible for this lovely revenue stream (that means you, John Hawkins). Are you proud of the commercials pushing the state’s scratch cards? We assume you realize that scratch cards are the lowest, most vile form of gambling, a way to truly exploit the poor and relatively hopeless (you’ve got the stats, you know what we’re talking about). At least with blackjack you get to play a game. Are you proud of the scratch cards and the thoroughly tasteless commercial campaign?

HANDY MAN

A number of fans called and e-mailed P&J on Tuesday to draw our attention to the big front-page AP photo in the July 19 BeloJo, showing tourists trying to sleep in a shelter. They had fled their hotels and resorts to escape Hurricane Emily. What readers noticed was a gentleman in the foreground, lying between two women, whose right hand is down the front of his plaid shorts. As Mikey B. pointed out, he didn’t think the guy was looking for loose change. It’s just that damn liberal media, ruining this country’s morals and family values, although it looks like this guy had a good handle on the family jewels.

PUZZLING CHOICE

A puzzle-loving reader alerts us to the "Wonderword" puzzle by David Ouellet in the Sunday Urinal of July 17. "Wonderword" lists words in a grid spelled backwards, forward, up, down, and sideways, and readers have to find them, aided by a list of the words disguised in the grid. Our sharp-eyed friend noted, however, the backward inclusion of the word Cialis, a drug for erection-challenged males, but with no citation of it in the clues. Was Mr. Ouellet having a bit of fun with his audience?

And if you are still working on "Wonderword" after four hours, consult your physician immediately.

GOP = GAY OLD PARTY?

Rumors are again circulating about whether Republican Party chairman and former Bush-Cheney campaign director Ken Mehlman is gay. They first surfaced in late 2004 and were derided as a whispering smear campaign. Essentially, the talk surfaced because Mehlman is a single 38-year-old man — not much of a "That proves it!" as P&J say. But the GOP chairman has refused to comment on his sexual orientation, which further fuels the speculation.

P&J are not into outing homosexuals, and we could really care less about whether Mehlman is straight or gay. Except for one tiny fact: if he is gay, this Republican has disgraced himself by working for a bigoted, homophobic, and gay-bashing political party that cater to bigots under the guise of family values. That’s a whole lot more salient.

THE SAME OLD SOX SONG

Well, baseball has just passed the All-Star break, so it’s time for the Red Sox to make their annual swoon. After finally overtaking the Baltimore Orioles for first place in the American League East, they have handed over the top spot to the Evil Empire, the New York Yankees. The Yanks finally got their engine started, and we could be looking at the same familiar New York-Boston one-two finish on the AL East yet again. At least for once we can say, "Remember last year!" C’mon, Tek, Big Papi, Manny, et al., this leaving it to the final hour plays hell with P&J’s nerves.

HOUSE WARMING

Save The Bay once employed Phillipe, so we will admit to blatant favoritism concerning the organization. That said, STB’s new headquarters at Field’s Point, which opened in June, is one of the more dazzling buildings we have seen. It has an enormous amount of conservation features, including a grass-growing "green" roof, and a wonderful map of the Bay is built into the floor of the lobby. The location at Fields Point is highly symbolic, since the site is generally associated with the Providence wastewater treatment plant, one of the Bay’s worst polluters in the 1970s (and which has since done a good job of cleaning up its act). For information about visiting Save The Bay, call 401.272.3540. Do yourself a favor and go see it.

OTIS READ UPDATE

The July 14 fundraiser for Otis Read, the veteran Rhode Island musical artist who recently suffered a stroke, was a huge success. Hundreds showed up at the Nirvana Lounge (above the India Restaurant) in Warren to salute Otis and check out some great music. The Mickey Band opened up and got the room dancing and moving. Joyce Katzberg’s powerful voice was well served by the Katz’ Meow band. The Providence Whole Bellies, playing an all-acoustic performance (no mikes either) with an expanded ragtag group, tore the place up for hours with a raucous, lively set.

With the financial pressures facing Otis, we expect more fundraisers, more opportunities to help a friend, and most likely, to check out some great music.

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