Laughing all the way to the primary

GOP group urges Laffey to challenge Chafee," read the headline in the West Bay edition of the Urinal on May 24. And why not? Bob Novak and other ultra-rightwing nabobs seem to want "Laugh at Me" to run. In fact, we’d bet that every extremist and mean-spirited fake Christian Republican in the country — the oligarchy/theocrat crowd, if you will — would be thrilled with the likes of Steve Laffey.

So we say, run, Laffey run! A great many of our friends across the state disaffiliated as Democrats after the last election for one reason and one reason only. In case "Laugh at Me" was to run against Chafee in a primary, we wanted to be able to vote for Linc. This may not mean that the same folks would support Chafee after the primary, but they don’t want someone like "Laugh at Me" anywhere near the US House or Senate.

If Laffey does dare to run, we excitedly look forward to seeing Linc Chafee wipe the floor with him. Sure, just like in the rest of the country, there are angry extremists here who identify with the Republican Party of Rove and Bush. But we believe that most Vo Dilunduhs, including most Vo Dilun Republicans, are not extremists or members of the Christian Coalition, and will reject Laffey for his far-right ideas and his egocentric temperament.

By the way, kudos and congrats to Laugh at Me and Aram "Scarum" Garabedian, president of the Cranston City Council, for their ongoing public urination competition. Keep that entertainment and those lawsuits flowing, arguing about tedious talk-radio shows and fire trucks in Guatemala, while the city burns. We’re so proud of you.

A FAMILY AFFAIR

Speaking of Linc Chafee, Phillipe & Jorge were proud to attend the Environment Council of Rhode Island’s annual John Chafee Environmental Awards banquet on May 20 at Bob Burke’s Federal Reserve in downtown La Prov. Linc did the honors in handing out the awards to the best and brightest in the local enviro world. (OK, we’ll say it again: it’s not just "environment." Anything having to do with our natural resources impacts the economy, our health, social and cultural issues, and quality of life. ’Nuf sed.)

Linc has done a wonderful job in continuing his father’s legacy as a champion of environmental issues, but praise should go to the whole family — not the least being Virginia Chafee, Linc’s mother and the wife of his late father. She was honorary co-chair (along with former governor Joe Garrahy, our close personal friend and golf aficionado) of the open space-clean water bond that passed with more than 70 percent approval and more votes than any other issue, including separation of powers.

Equally impressive was ECRI’s keynote speaker, Lois Gibbs, the "mother" of Love Canal, the appalling polluted toxic dumpsite in Niagara Falls, New York. After moving there, she suspected a link with the health problems experienced by her children. As toxins seeped into neighborhood homes, government officials turned a blind eye to what was around them. Gibbs then rustled up a host of local homeowners who took the polluters to court and won — a price paid too little and too late, but a victory and beacon for others nonetheless.

Little Rhody has its own greater than typical number of these type of champions, from members of our congressional delegation, and hardworking folks in our state environmental agencies, to the grassroots activists and volunteers who turn out by the thousands when there is an oil spill or other catastrophic event. We should all be very proud.

CODE OF THE JEDI CRACKED

Now that the new and final Star Wars movie, Episode III — Revenge of the Sith, has finally opened, Jorge has a confession to make: he has never seen any of the Star Wars movies, not even the first one, and not even on television. Always assuming there was some sort of sub-conscious reason for having avoided these films, Jorge may have found the answer when the title of the final Star Wars film was announced months and months ago.

After hearing of the Revenge of the Sith, Jorge knew there was something about this title that any 11-year-old boy would immediately recognize. So Jorge checked in with a few 11-year-old boys, and discovered, yes, that the letters of the phony word "Sith" can be rearranged to make two legitimate English words, "hits" and "shit." We suspect Mr. George Lucas is telling us something in his usual 11-year-old boy code. First, that all these Star Wars movies are hits and secondly, that, at the same time, they are shit.

SUPREME LETDOWN?

Your superior correspondents have never exactly been big fans of Keven McKenna. That said, he is a very talented and intelligent lawyer, a frequent aspirant to public office, a (sorry Kev, but you know this word will follow you forever) gadfly, and we admire his perseverance and his willingness to engage in public service.

As you know, Keven is currently questioning whether Frank Williams is still the chief justice of the Rhode Island Supreme Court. McKenna believes that Williams, by accepting a presidential appointment to serve on a military tribunal — to hear cases concerning the suspected "enemy combatants" held at Guantanamo Bay — he has run afoul of the state constitution.

P&J think this is a fascinating and important case. We admire Judge Rodgers for putting together a panel of Superior Court justices to make decisions on McKenna’s argument, and it appeared, up until about a week ago, that the issue was being taken seriously on its merits.

The Supreme Court has now interjected itself by making a few decisions that look all too suspiciously like a whitewash. We hope this is not the case. Your superior correspondents, of course, are not lawyers or constitutional scholars — far from it. But we are concerned citizens of the Biggest Little. And the appearance (and belief among far too many of our fellow Vo Dilunduhs) that "the fix is in" whenever an outsider threatens the bailiwick of an insider is one of our longstanding concerns.

We have no idea how this will play out, but we really hope it will be transparent and without political interference. It’s probably a long shot, but if this means that the rest of the Supremes have to stand back from hearing this case, so be it.

POTENTIAL TOURISM BOOST

As the cliché goes, you learn something new everyday. We imagine that most solid citizens were surprised to learn in Tuesday’s BeloJo that prostitution, in certain circumstances, is legal (or, shall we say, not entirely illegal) in Vo Dilun. We certainly hope that the folks involved with our tourism and hospitality industry jump on this promotional element as quickly as possible. Once this bit of information gets out, we suspect the state will be able to draw every major upcoming Republican convention.

SPEAKING OUT

When it comes to heroes, no one was hailed more as such than Pat Tillman, the former Arizona Cardinals football player who turned his back on hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars to enlist in the Army Rangers after 9/11. He was killed while serving in Afghanistan.

Evidently, courage runs in the family.

Tillman’s parents are strongly criticizing the Army for covering up how their son’s death was due to friendly fire. In the Washington Post on May 23, Josh White reported: " ‘Pat had high ideals about the country; that’s why he did what he did,’ Mary Tillman said in her first lengthy interview since her son’s death. ‘The military let him down. The administration let him down. It was a sign of disrespect. The fact that he was the ultimate team player and he watched his own men kill him is absolutely heartbreaking and tragic. The fact that they lied about it afterward is disgusting.’ "

Disgusting seems to be operative word about most everything that the Pentagon and military are doing these days. In the upper echelons, no one seems ready to take responsibility for anything. The stories are sickening: torture at Abu Ghraib

and in Afghanistan; lies about why we are in Iraq; our soldiers being ill-equipped; and the killing and maiming of our most courageous men and women. In the meantime, Donald Rumsfeld, an egotistical chicken hawk-corporate suit, and pretentious phony Condoleezza Rice strut around like they own the world, with absolutely no accountability for their actions. Never mind Dubya, the "Mission Accomplished" flight suit poseur.

Let Pat Tillman’s dad spell it out, far more personally and eloquently than P&J could: "Maybe lying’s not a big deal anymore. Pat’s dead, and this isn’t going to bring him back. But these guys should have been held up to scrutiny, right up the chain of command, and no one has."

Meanwhile, the news media ends up getting their knickers in a twist and kowtowing to the White House and a clown like press secretary Scott McClellan, because the browbeaten bozos at Newsweek and CBS were too stupid to properly check their info. So we now head into talk of no further use of anonymous sources, as if it’s better to depend on administration officials who couldn’t tell the truth if their lives depended on it.

Unfortunately, too many Americans’ lives depend on it. Wake up, folks. The lies start at the top, and someone has to begin driving that point home, rather than running scared from Dubya, Rummy, Rice, McClellan, and their ilk. Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Tillman.

SMOKE SIGNALS

P&J are quite amused by the Narragansett Tribe’s decision to reopen its smoke shop, supposedly to sell the tax-free butts only to Native Americans.

We certainly want to know just how smoke shop employees are going to decide just who is a Native American. Identity cards are obviously out, as these are demeaning (or should be) and discriminatory. We suspect that requiring customers to sport moccasins or a feather headdress is also a non-starter, with all due respect. Likewise trying to get by saying, "How," with one’s hand raised before ordering a carton of Marlboros. Maybe a trivia quiz based on Jay Silverheels, Sitting Bull, and other famous Native Americans? (Who wrote "Geronimo’s Cadillac"? Quick!)

P&J don’t really give a hoot about whether the Narragansetts sell tax-free cigarettes or not. Let them sell them to anyone who makes the trip to South County, even kids. After all, P&J give out loose Kools and airplane nips of liquor to all the youngsters trick-or-treating at Casa Diablo on Halloween, and it hasn’t hurt them as far as we know. But don’t try to pull off an obviously fake stunt like this, which doesn’t even pass the laugh test.

More like Dances with Bull, no?

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