A beautiful couple

The work of Joel Rawson, executive editor of the Journal, and photographer John Freidah, who have been tracing the work of the Biggest Little’s National Guard as they travel through Iraq, has mightily impressed Phillipe & Jorge. Freidah is a gifted photojournalist, and we have always admired his work. Rawson, who can, some suggest, be a truculent SOB at times, also deserves respect for having the guts to put his journalistic props on the line after many years away from the front lines of reporting.

Rawson’s start was a bit harsh, trying to come off with six-word sentences as a modern day Hemingway of the Middle East, but he has since found his feet, and his reportage has been enlightening. P&J still have to chuckle, though, at a story we heard from the ink-stained wretches on Fountain Street. When the series first started, the accompanying photo of the two BeloJobbers depicted Freidah standing behind the seated Rawson. Evidently, at least one newsroom wag described the shot as looking like one of the first gay wedding photos published in the Other Paper. We suspect that more than one person repeated the line, because the Urinal’s page designer chopped up the shot within a week, and beginning May 13, separate pictures of Freidah and Rawson were published.

C’mon, guys. No problems at Casa Diablo about the initial adoring photo. Don’t ask, don’t tell, right?

DON’T SAY ‘BUSH’

These are very unfortunate times at the State House in Texas, due to how the Senate is not prepared to pass a bill that bans "overtly sexually suggestive" cheerleading at school events. Yes, the state that gave us Debbie Does Dallas and the Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleaders is not up to bringing down the hammer on young women (and men?) doing the grind on the sideline. (We know P&J have a future in rap after that line.)

This must be a tremendous shock to the GOP, since Dubya Bush, the chimp-look-a-like, once was a cheerleader at Andover, and Trent Lott, hair model and former Senate majority leader, pranced along the sidelines while at Ole Miss. Both former pom-pom shakers are quite proud of their heritage. Whether they did anything "sexually suggestive" is moot, but Phillipe & Jorge suggest that seeing either nancy boy doing a bump-and-grind at midfield might produce a reaction equivalent to having Karl Rove’s fingers jammed down your throat.

Thank all gods for the great minds in Texas. No Darwin in the school textbooks, no Debbie in front of the crowd. (There is an old underwear joke about the young lady saying she cheated the boys trying to see her knickers, because she didn’t wear any, but we would never descend to the level of sharing such humor.)

Sleep tight, Sharon Stone.

WAR GAMES

Much is being made these days in England of how greed merchant Malcolm Glazer, owner of the National Football League’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers, is trying to buy Manchester United, the New York Yankees of English soccer. The reaction is such that if Glazer dared show his face at Man U.’s home park, Old Trafford, the "Theater of Dreams," he’d end up hanging from a crossbar by game’s end.

However, in a May 16 op-ed piece in the New York Times, about the potential deal, author Geoffrey Wheatcroft recalled a famous quote by sportswriter Vincent Mulchrone, from the day in 1966 when England was to play West Germany for the World Cup championship. The line which P&J had never heard — but which we will repeat ad nauseam forever more — well reflected the Brits’ love of their Aryan brothers. Mulchrone said of Horst and Co., "West Germany may beat us at our national sport today, but that would only be fair. We beat them twice at theirs."

Holy Schickelgruber, Batman! Nice twist of the knife.

In one of the epic World Cup finals, England that day defeated West Germany, 4-2 in overtime. Adding a bit of spice was the ruling that England striker Geoff Hurst’s goal in the extra session (his second of the game, after regulation ended in a 2-2 draw), a shot off the crossbar that bounced down on the goal line, was, in fact, in the goal. The Swiss referee conferred about the shot with his linesman, who happened to be from Azerbaijan, and doubtless, like Mulchrone, had a good memory of the passion of the Germans. He declared it a goal. Hurst went on to score one more as time ran out, but the die was cast.

The biggest soccer stadium has since been named after that linesman, Tofik Bahmarov, as a tribute to his skills — and doubtless his recollection of history. Today’s motto: What goes around, comes around. Watch it, Mr. Glazer.

DRUG STORY

Headline on the front page of the Urinal’s May 13 business section: "Ryan says 2004 was ‘excellent,’ announces stock split."

Ryan, of course, is Tom Ryan, CVS’ chair, president, and CEO, whose name adorns the Ryan Center at URI. We imagine it was also an excellent year for John "My Sharona" Celona, the recently indicted former state senator, who got called to account for his private dealings with firms including CVS, and had to leave the General Assembly in disgrace. (Let’s remember that former Senate president William Irons, who got commissions for a Blue Cross policy covering CVS employees, decided to leave Halitosis Hall in 2003 rather than answering questions about his personal insurance business, which he has described as proper.) We also learned recently in the Other Paper that two CVS executives who gave Celona his consulting agreement recently went on unscheduled leaves of absence.

Yes, Tom it was an excellent adventure for many people this year.

FRED LIPPITT, PUBLIC SERVANT

It is with great sadness that we lower the flag to half-staff at Casa Diablo in memory of Fred Lippitt, who died last week. The many ways in which he used his talents and resources to improve the lives of so many people in our Little Towne, the Ocean State, and the world at large was the essence of noblesse oblige. Providence is a much better place for his efforts. His generosity in helping young people receive college educations, particularly those of modest means from Providence’s minority communities, was also well known. His work in the state legislature and mayoral campaigns can only be described as public service. Fred Lippitt was a man to be admired.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES EXPLAINED

Just yesterday, we received this letter at Casa Diablo:

Dear Phillipe & Jorge,

For the past couple of days I have been reading about the riots and other violent protests bought on by a Newsweek magazine report that during an interrogation of a suspected terrorist by US military forces in Guantanamo Bay, one of the interrogator’s flushed a Koran down a toilet. The latest is that the report by Newsweek might have been wrong. Regardless, I’m not so much interested in whether Newsweek’s work was slipshod, but I am concerned about this rather dramatic reaction. If the situation was reversed and someone was to flush a Bible in front of suspected Christian extremist terrorists from the USA, would there be a similar reaction by people in the West?

— D.A.

We think you’re mixing apples and oranges here, D.A. In a country like the United States, money — not the Bible — would be the equivalent of the Koran. So if one wanted to really exercise a Christian extremist (like, say, Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell), the thing to do would be to take all their money and set it on fire or flush it down a toilet. This would take quite a bit of time, since they have accumulated quite a lot of dough.

We can tell you from experience that people rarely get upset about the desecration of a Bible. For years at Casa Diablo, we’ve been buying Bibles, ripping out the Book of Leviticus, and using it as toilet tissue in our bathrooms. This is because (as you may already know) phonies wrote the Book of Leviticus, and one of the rogue committees charged with making those decisions inserted it into the Bible. Early bureaucrats of the church also rejected a number of the far more interesting Dead Sea Scrolls. They tried to bury them, but some popped up in Egypt in the late 1940s.

True believers can be assured that only a few morons slipped into the editorial boardroom (in this way, not unlike the functioning of the BeloJo) of the Bible. Everyone else who was involved in making the editing decisions for the final cut was totally inspired by God. You can take that from us.

BOB’S BACK

This Saturday, May 21 marks the Eighth Annual Bob Dylan Night Revival at Patrick’s Pub, 381 Smith St. in Providence. It’s $5 at the door and the fun gets underway around 7:30 p.m. The program includes a quiz, video clips of our hero (spanning anything from 1963 footage of Bob singing "Only a Pawn In Their Game" for Southern sharecroppers to recent concerts), sing-along, and open mike components.

This event seems to draw more and more people every year. It could be that, as time passes, more and more people (and surprisingly, a whole lot of younger people) are beginning to realize how important Mr. Dylan is to American culture. He’s one of the few true giants, and this event is generally funny, moving, and quirky as hell — kind of like Zimmy himself.

RIPTA SOLILOQUY

This aural presentation was overheard on the #1 Eddy St./ Rhode Island Hospital bus. The speaker is the bus driver as we approach the entrance to the hospital: "Oh and you know that there isn’t any disease that they don’t have a cure for. That’s right, cancer, AIDS, they’ve already got the cures. They’ve had them for a long time. But you’re not gonna get ’em. That’s why you never see any rich people here at the hospital. They got the cures. They keep the hospitals running, ’cuz they can make the money off of the poor folk. That’s right!"

Passenger interjects: "And what about the pharmaceutical companies?"

Driver: "That’s a rip-off."

Passenger: "The Medicare?"

Driver: "Rip-off."

Passenger: "George W. Bush?"

Driver: "Rip-off."

Speaking of RIPTA, your superior correspondents note the story in the BeloJo of May 17 (page B-3) with the headline, "RIPTA board idle as nominees languish." This is the same old story. Bus service is just another political football as far as the legislature and the governor are concerned. Of the governor’s four new nominees to the RIPTA board (the owner of CPA firm, an assistant general counsel with Textron, a semi-retired investment executive, and a lawyer), we wonder if any ride the bus on a regular basis? Might it be of value to put people on the board who have some sense of the practical reality of mass transit? We know. We’re just troublemaking commies, but it might be worth a thought.

Send RIPTA repartee and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.