Carcieri’s end run

Phillipe & Jorge want to know: what the hell is going on with Governor Don Carcieri?!?!

While the public is distracted by the fun and festivities of the holiday season, "The Don" has operated like a thief in the night, going so far as to name two more extremely ethical people, Barbara Binder and Ross Cheit, to the state Ethics Commission. What’s up with that?

Doesn’t the guv know it’s a proud Biggest Little tradition that only people who make you count your fingers after you shake hands with them should populate the Ethics Commission? Just what are we to expect from Binder, chief of staff when our old pal Nancy Mayer was general treasurer, and Cheit, a highly respected Brown professor who worked with then-Secretary of State Jim Langevin on the "Access Denied" report that won neither man any friends among the political old boys at the State House? Integrity? Intelligence? Courage? Our minds boggle that these attributes could gain a growing foothold on this government watchdog agency.

The Don’s action will have a chilling effect on people wishing to enter politics, knowing, as they now do, that blatant conflicts of interest, nepotism, kickbacks, and perks for legislative favors may be falling into disfavor. We should have seen this coming when the Ethics Commission didn’t perfunctorily dismiss or leave hanging past the legal sell-by date the cases of House Majority Leader Gordo Fox, former Senate President Billy "Little Napoleon" Irons, and ex-Senator John "My Sharona" Celona. What, we ask, is the world coming to?

I'M NOT SPEAKING

Man, is there anyone better at pissing people off with short-tempered, astonishingly tin-eared and provocative statements than House Speaker Bill Murphy?

The speaker, who needs a muzzle on his office hat rack, recently came out with the preposterous claim that separation of powers doesn’t encompass the Lottery Commission and the Coastal Resources Management Council. He asserts that the state Constitution gives the General Assembly direct oversight of both, including the presence of its appointees on these two boards. That ball of fire you saw streaking across the sky minutes later was not a comet, but rather Common Cause honcho Phil West, who blew right through his roof and kept going.

Of all the commissions Murphy could have chosen to defend, none have the controversy of the Lottery Commission. It is a political keg of dynamite, not least since it was a one-time nook for former Senate Majority Leader John "Mr. Arrogance" Hawkins. (And the lottery was sold to the great unwashed with a promise that its revenues would go direct to the state education budget, at least until the General Assembly diverted the moola to the general fund in a heartbeat.) The CRMC has also had its less than bright moments, prompted by the politicians and their proxies who serve on the council, but it can’t touch the Lottery Commission for being a hummer from the git-go.

This would normally call for one of Murphy’s handlers to calmly explain that the speaker perhaps forgot to take his Flintstone vitamins that morning, and all he needed was a cold compress on the forehead and a little nap. Then he would be right as rain, explaining that it was just a joke — didn’t everyone get it? It is not just an affront to the governor, who Murphy obviously detests, but also to a public that overwhelmingly supported separation of powers at the ballot box. Considering the bulk of SOP support in the General Assembly, this simply defies logic.

Doubtless, this glaring misjudgment and attempted abuse of the citizenry’s intentions will catch the attention of Representative John DeSimone, who is challenging Murphy for the House leadership position. There have to be more than a few Murphy stalwarts who are going to either hear about this from constituents, or raise their own eyebrow about what their main man is thinking. Topically harking back to the wonderful Jean Shepherd-written movie, A Christmas Story, and the famed red Ryder BB gun, perhaps P&J should tell Speaker Murphy, "Be careful. You’ll put your eye out with that kind of thinking." Remember, Bill, if you’re going to pull the public statement trigger, make sure the gun barrel isn’t pointing at your forehead.

BLUE CHRISTMAS

Your superior correspondents were delighted to see that beleaguered Blue Cross has named James Purcell, a very sympathetic gentleman who cares greatly about his fellow Ocean Staters, its president and CEO. What a kindhearted guy.

Remember the headlines in the Urinal back in March: "Blue Cross blames subscribers for high rates. Insurers links high premiums to unhealthy habits, heavy use." Ah, yes, that was when Purcell, then chief operating officer, showed us where his heart was as he addressed the state Permanent Joint Committee on Health Care Oversight. "The group most responsible for out-of-control rate increases is the subscribers," he said, adding that we the people were also killing Blue Cross financially because of our wanton obesity and propensity for diabetes — first on everyone’s Christmas shopping list — which we should control by changing our lifestyles.

Ah, Blue Cross. A public relations dream, n’est-ce pas? Now shut up and eat your greens, damn it!

SEE YOU IN COURT

Nice to see that the Chilean government has decided to try General Augusto Pinochet, the country’s vile former military dictator, with the crimes he committed years ago. One of the most noteworthy was a plan he hatched to track down and kill opponents of South American dictatorships. In one case, this was accomplished in the streets of our nation’s capital, Washington, DC.

But if Gus is going to be in the dock, he’d look perfect sitting next to our old friend, the unspeakably loathsome Herr Doktor Kissinger, who, while running foreign policy for Tricky Dick Nixon, turned a convenient blind eye to the Pinochet game plan. Isn’t it nice that only non-American war criminals stand to pay for their little excesses, while our best and brightest — like Dr. Strangelove, Rummy, and the neocons — run free? Oh, incidentally, Dubya, that’s 1300 dead and 10,000 wounded now (without even mentioning the tens of thousands of Iraqi dead). Mission accomplished!

MEANINGFUL HOLIDAY

We’re sure that many of our regular readers, like P&J, are torn by the Christmas season. One need not be a true Christian believer to be inspired by the life of Jesus. Understanding the meaning of that life leaves your superior correspondents bothered by the consumerist pageant that unfolds at this time each year. It’s our sense that Jesus was not about "What’s good for the economy," but what’s good for humanity and the spirit of life.

We recently received an e-mail from our friend Richard Walton, someone who has spent some time pondering this mixed message. He says, "Each Christmas season I find the true meaning of the lovely Christ Child story (and I am not a believer) ever more deeply buried in the hysterical materialism that has long marked this season."

He passed along an article he wrote for the BeloJo in 2002, describing his annual stay at the men’s shelter at Amos House. It is inspiring and reminiscent of the true meaning of Christmas. Richard, as usual, will be spending Christmas at Amos House again this year. He notes that the need there and at other shelters, programs, and organizations for the needy is greater than ever.

This now includes many people who are working at regular jobs. The economic facts of life in the USA, the richest country in the world, mean that people can be working two jobs and still not have enough to provide shelter, sufficient food, and other needs for themselves or their families. This is a disgrace.

We realize that many of our readers know this and find it equally anguishing. Richard ends by asking for help for some of those in our own backyard: "If you feel this is something you can/should do, please make checks out to Amos House and mail them to me at 5 Grenore St., Warwick, RI 02888." There is nothing more fundamental in the life of Jesus than reaching out to others in need.

LARRY BUCHANAN

A number of downtown Providence scene-makers of a certain age may recall how, back in the early ’80s, Jorge had a long-running nightclub act known as Comediac’s Bad Film Festival. Exciting and spectacular films were screened weekly for a number of years. This is where many people became familiar with the works of such anti-auteurs as Ed Wood, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Ted V. Mikels, Russ Meyers, and countless others. Regulars at Comediac could knowledgeably argue the merits of animation masters like Tex Avery, Dave Fleischer, and Bob Clampett. Fights would break out over which was worse, Plan 9 from Outer Space or The Creeping Terror. In short, it was genius time in La Prov.

We are saddened to tell you that one of the greats of the pantheon of bad cinema, Larry Buchanan, passed away recently. Buchanan (born Marcus Larry Seale, Jr., in Texas) was the anti-genius behind Curse of the Swamp Creature, The Naked Witch, It’s Alive, Zontar! The Thing from Venus, and his masterwork, Mars Needs Women.

These were pictures with no discernible budgets, actors sans talent, nonsensical scripts, and essentially, no reason for being. In other words, they were fantastic in the true meaning of the word. Larry Buchanan was one of the legends. He will be missed by anyone who appreciated bad lighting, incompetent sound mixes, and spirited incoherence. In an obituary last week in the New York Times, it was noted that when Buchanan’s The Eye Creatures was re-released a decade after its initial offering, its opening credits read "Attack of the the Eye Creatures." Buchanan did not need any stinkin’ proofreaders, for he was a true anti-genius.

Yes, your superior correspondents are aware that the bad taste bell will be tolling in response to this item, but we just can’t help ourselves. We were saddened to read that the music conductor at the Crystal Cathedral, Johnnie Carl, suffering from depression, recently shot himself to death in that kitsched-out structure. Considering how Mr. Carl had been working at the CC for many years and that some of his side jobs including doing musical arrangements for the likes of John Tesh, Celine Dion and Lee Greenwood, the depression becomes far more understandable. One of the reasons P&J oppose a casino in Rhode Island is that it would likely make the dangerous music of the Wayne Newtons and Tony Orlandos of the world more available in closer proximity to Casa Diablo. Pulleeeeazzze, we’re depressed enough as it is.

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