Paging Tod Browning

On the lighter side of last week’s GOP convention, anyone who has seen Freaks, Tod Browning’s 1932 cult movie classic, could be forgiven if they thought the major networks were running a recently colorized version in a three-night installment as the Republicans strutted their bizarre behavior before a cast of radical delegates. The latter crew bore more than a passing resemblance to Freaks’ own Zip and Pip, the famous pinheads.

If people in Georgia ever wonder why they are regarded as inbred goobers who are, as Randy Newman put it, "Hustling ’round Atlanta in their alligator shoes, gettin’ drunk every weekend at the barbecues," they only had to see the speech of their Democratic senator, Zell Miller.

The drawling, empty-headed Miller was meant to be a great contrarian hero for crossing the party lines to endorse President Dubya. Instead, he came across as a sad, demented old man who had slipped out of his nursing home to wander into Madison Square Garden and preach like an aged and vicious fool. While the GOPers reveled in his attack on John Kerry, some of the party members with experience walking on their hind legs came to a different conclusion.

Senator John McCain took the words out of P&J’s mouths when he equated the Miller debacle to Patrick Buchanan’s "cultural war" diatribe at the 1992 Republican convention. A press wag described that little insane rant immediately afterward by saying, "It sounded better in the original German." According to the LA Times, McCain told reporters about his views on Zell’s musings at a party that night, saying, "I think it backfires." He added that it "makes Buchanan’s speech . . . look milquetoast." Yep, and they are all part of your team, Senator McCain. You must be quite proud.

Watching this circus sideshow throughout the week required Phillipe & Jorge to fill our Batman and Robin Pez dispensers with Prozac, so we could pop one about every half-hour. Yet there were other key moments that made us think the whole world was on some weird meds.

We had the son of a Nazi, California Governor Arnold Skullhead, endorsing the candidacy of a sitting US president. That should play well in Europe, and it almost was in the original German in this case. Meanwhile his wife, the ghastly Maria Skullhead, sat side-by-side with former President George "Poppy" Bush (whose advice is ignored by his son on a regular basis, since Boy George has a direct line to God), and his dotty wife, Barbara. Nice touch for the Kennedy clan, n’est-ce pas? (Skullhead description of the week from Molly Ivins’s column: "Loved the Schwarzenegger speech and apologize again for having accidentally misappropriated the wonderful line of Clive James’, the Australian journalist: ‘He looks like a condom stuffed with walnuts.’ ")

The young daughters of President Flight Suit, giggling Jenna and Barbara, bombed during their coming-out party (sorry, Mary Cheney, no slight intended) at the convention with their Karen Hughes-scripted remarks, obviously owing to how their noted charm had not been ignited by a few margaritas beforehand. So now we await someone in the news media — are ya listenin’, Jon Stewart? — to ask them if they are virgins. Does that light up the bad taste bell? You bet. Fair game? Ask Karl Rove, who picks on multiple amputees. If they are not, did their partners use condoms, something anathema to Daddy? Did they consider the risk of AIDS, a disease that, viewed with the compassionate conservative lens, afflicts only Africans, American blacks, and drug users? After all, given how they are both 22, odds are they have made the beast with two backs with someone by this point, even if it is just one of their Secret Service agents.

The US networks also told Americans to fawn over the first Stepford wife, Laura Bush, who makes June Cleaver look like Grace Jones. Sorry, folks, but the gloves are officially off. This is too important to be shrinking violets, as Monsieur Kerry is finally discovering. Time to get freaky — sorry, Tod.

ANOTHER VIEW OF THE GOP CONVENTION

David Jacobus, a lawyer in NYC with many local connections and friends, distributed an e-mail describing some of his experiences during the RNC. Here are some excerpts:

I currently live in Times Square, blocks away from the RNC and where many of the delegates are staying. Our skies have gun ships, our waters have gunboats, our streets have machine gun-, shotgun-, and tear gas-wielding uniformed officers lining the street. Plainclothes officers make arrests without showing ID or announcing who they are. Blimps with military photography equipment monitor from above and trucks with cameras line the streets. Police cars, motorcycles, trucks, and tinted window escorts drive up and down the streets with their sirens on all day for no apparent reason. FBI agents are questioning people on the streets and making those arrested fill out personal questionnaires in jail, which include questions such as your opinion on interracial marriage. Searches of everyday Americans are being conducted on the streets without probable cause.

Currently, between 1000 and 2000 people arrested the past few days are being held in an abandoned pier (Pier 57) which has razor wire-covered fenced out cells and no seating. Detainees are forced to stand or lie on the oil-covered cement floor while they await processing . . . Some reports indicate there are detainees who haven’t even been officially arrested or read rights. It’s hard to tell, though, because currently people are being held for up to 36 hours without access to lawyers, who are turned away at the detention camp. This is odd because the usual court business shut down this week to accommodate RNC arrests. In addition, the National Lawyers Guild, who are trying to represent those arrested, is reportedly having their phone conversations monitored by both the police and FBI.

This is obviously anecdotal. Many of Mr. Jacobus’s assertions are unverified, and we submit them as such. Nonetheless, it doesn’t sound too far-fetched to us.

BOBBY COTOIA

Back in the 1970s, there was a very a large and active live music/nightclub culture in southern New England. There were a lot of very good regional bands, and a large pool of people who would go out regularly to support those bands. In the days before cable television, the Internet, VCRs, DVDs, and the many other home-based amusements available today, people generally left their homes for entertainment, and clubs with live music were booming.

In that culture, John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band were kings. They were a great live club band with a large core of fans. There were other really good regional bands as well, but the Beavers got a break, albeit a curious one. In 1983, the movie Eddie and the Cruisers was released, using the band and its music as its source. Both the film and the related album were hits. It was a weird way to get your music heard, and some people may have been confused, but not those here in Vo Dilun or the ones who were really listening.

Gratifying as it was to have the home team break into the big time, its members remained the same blue-collar, roots-based, kick-ass rock ’n’ roll band they had been for a decade (except with a better light show and sound equipment).

Bobby Cotoia was a key member of John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. He was a more schooled musician than most of the other guys, and he collaborated on some of the music with John. Being in one band for 31 years is somewhere between a religion, a marriage, and a really long roller coaster ride. Bobby Cotoia was a good guy, an upbeat guy, whose perseverance and talent was recognized. He also entertained hundreds of thousands of people, helping to provide the soundtrack for many of their lives. That’s a pretty good legacy, and as deeply saddened as we are at Casa Diablo to hear of Bob’s passing last week, at 51, we also want to celebrate his life and achievements. The joy and happiness of his music will live on.

HE HAS A SCREAM

Howard Dean, the "I have a scream" candidate of 2004, will deliver the Noah Krieger Memorial Lecture at Brown University today (Thursday, September 9) at 4 p.m. in Salomon 101 (with a simulcast in Salomon 001). This building is located on the campus green at Brown. His topic is "The Long-Term Implications of the 2004 Presidential Election." Dean, the former governor of Vermont, is now running the group Democracy for America, which is committed to electing candidates at all levels of government. This lecture is free and open to the public on a first-come, first-serve basis. It is sponsored by the Taubman Center for Public Policy.

WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS

P&J remind you not to forget that the annual Pawtucket Arts Festival begins September 10 and runs through the 26th. Last year’s event was impressive and widely attended. This year, it looks to be bigger and better than ever. So get down to the Bucket and see what’s shaking in New Art City.

The Hot Club’s annual Waterfront Festival is also this weekend (September 10, 11, and 12). This year, however, it’ll be right in the middle of downtown, at the Fleet skating rink. Check out the impressive lineup in the entertainment section of the Phoenix (a co-sponsor), and note that proceeds from Sunday’s show, described as "a rock ’n’ roll marathon" running from 2 to 11 p.m., will go to the MoveOn PAC to support regime change in the USA. Admission on Sunday is a $5 donation, and your superior correspondents will be on hand to celebrate.

A GROOVY GALA

While we are shamelessly shilling, P&J want to plug an upcoming event. Meg Curran, Little Rhody’s lovely and refined former US attorney, will be serving as honorary chair of the Moonlight Gala, on Saturday, September 18 at the Hyatt Regency on Goat Island to benefit the Multiple Sclerosis Society’s Rhode Island chapter. The seaside event will be emceed by Channel 12’s weather guy (boy, do meteorologists hate being called that) Tony Petrarca and the artist Maxwell Mays, and you can dance by the light of the moon while enjoying eats and cocktails.

The event and the presence of our friend Meg are especially poignant, as it was contracting MS, an unpreventable and currently incurable disease, which led Cianci-slayer Ms. Curran to prematurely leave her position as US attorney. Increasingly higher rates of incidence show that bad things do happen to good people, and the benefit aims to reduce the devastating impact of the disease.

To attend, please call (401) 738-8383 or visit www.nationalmssociety.org/rir. You know the rest: Be there or be square, but we have Meg for the first dance.

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