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Class warfare


Your superior correspondents have always found it amusing that those people — mostly self-styled conservatives, usually Republicans — who are offended by the term "class warfare" are generally in the class that has been successfully waging it for years or, if not, apologists for the very wealthy.

Most recently we, the losers, have been threatened with bus cutbacks. Yes, P&J will admit that we only have anecdotal evidence that very few wealthy folks ride the RIPTA buses on a regular basis, but we have reason to believe that it’s pretty accurate anecdotal evidence. In last week’s front-page Phoenix article about the dire situation at RIPTA, reporter Brian C. Jones noted that the most heavily-ridden route was the #11 that travels up Broad Street through the South Providence and Washington Park neighborhoods — that ought to tell you something. So let’s just acknowledge that the buses are for the poor and working poor (which is increasingly becoming most of us).

Another area that should be of serious concern for Vo Dilanduhs is affordable housing. The BeloJo and the Providence Business News recently ran stories about a study conducted by the Housing Network of Rhode Island and the Woonsocket Neighborhood Development Corporation, which indicated that in order for the state to meet the demand for affordable housing, 37,000 new units would have to be built in the next six years. In the PBN story, Eric Hangen, president of I Squared Community Development Consulting Inc. of Providence, is quoted as saying, "Most jobs are not paying enough for housing and those who can afford it are working two jobs. If we want to resolve the situation . . . four times as much production as we have been doing each year [will be necessary]."

Well, you know the story. And you know the story about health insurance and the story about the cost of living far exceeding people’s incomes.

So of course this is class warfare and it’s pretty obvious who is winning. Will the election of John Kerry do anything to challenge or reverse these trends? We don’t know, but we can assure you that the re-election of George W. Bush, with his promise to continue to cut taxes overwhelmingly in favor of the wealthy, will only exacerbate the situation.

As we have mentioned, ad nauseam, the gap between rich and poor continues to grow. Will it take thousands more people snatching cardboard boxes that were used to deliver refrigerators to the loading docks at Sears as an alternative to affordable apartments to wake us up? Let’s get behind policies that support sustainable growth, decent wages, educational opportunities for all, real health care coverage, and a reasonable life for the vast majority of people. A lot of this might have to be paid for by the top two percent of the wealthy in our country. Is that so unfair? Or do you want to keep giving them the biggest breaks while we eat shit? Forget about your Milton Friedman/Ayn Rand/yahoo! capitalist theories. This is what is happening and real people need real relief.

GOP IN NYC

If you were looking for a good place to take your skin for a crawl this week, Madison Square Garden in New York City should have been on the top of your list.

Admittedly seeing members of the Republican Party actually balance on their hind legs for minutes at a time is indeed inspiring. So is the ability of some of them to actually speak English at a fourth-grade comprehension level. (OK, second grade for Dubya, but he is making great headway through those Hooked on Phonics lessons — give the little dope credit.)

The sad thing about this unctuous and contrived dog-and-pony show is that it showcases the lack of credibility left in America, beginning right in the Oval Office, where more lies are told than at a fishing and golf convention. It is no wonder Americans have no faith in the veracity of their leaders when black is routinely described as white, never mind the distrust this sows with people in other countries and their governments. Instead we just get President Flight Suit, Big Time Cheney, Condee, Rummy, and Wolfie babbling away to the media with distortions that would make a whore blush — appropriate, we guess, since the press has become the least-questioning, roundest-heeled bunch of prostitutes on the block.

The topper after Day One at the reptile house the Garden was transfomed into was the following preposterous piece of b.s. served up by former Gotham mayor Rudy Giuliani to his starry-eyed audience: "[Immediately after the planes hit the World Trade Towers on September 11], we believed we would be attacked many more times that day and in the days that followed. Spontaneously I grabbed the arm of then-police commissioner Bernard Kerik and said to Bernie, ‘Thank God George Bush is our president.’ "

Gag us with a nightstick, Rudy. That doesn’t even pass the laugh test. They must have given you a lobotomy when you had your prostate surgery, since your head is clearly in the same vicinity.

Mission accomplished!

JUST SAY 'HUH?'

Speaking of cluelessness, hats off to school officials in Gwinnett County, Georgia for their vigilance in the war against drugs.

P&J’s pal Tommy from Queens sends along an August 26 Associated Press story that reports that a high school student in Gwinnett County was thrown out of a high school classroom by a zealous administrator. His crime? Wearing a shirt that read "Hempstead, NY 516." Evidently our genius school official didn’t know much of the world outside his own backyard (always an uplifting thought about a professional educator), because he thought the "Hempstead" was a reference to "hemp," which contains THC, the feel-good part of marijuana, rather than being a town in Long Island with a 516 area code.

It reminds P&J of an equally informed and inspired move by the gang at Halitosis Hall on Smith Street years ago. In an effort to cut down on the then-burgeoning cocaine trade, they passed a bill banning the possession of "cocoa beans," not realizing that cocaine actually comes from the "coca" plant. Well, hey, they look like almost all the same letters, right, Vinny?

Fortunately someone at the State House who had actually made it out of elementary school in less than 10 years pointed out the mistake to the hard-charging legislators, thus saving any number of children from being whisked away in leg irons for eating their morning Cocoa Puffs.

Just one more story from the naked (and moronic) city we call Our Little Towne.

SWING ON THIS

While most of the mainstream media focuses relentlessly on "swing voters" in "swing states," Karl Rove and the Dubya Gang have concentrated much of their strategy on registering voters at churches (the more evangelical, the better, we presume), according to a story on the front page of Monday’s Wall Street Journal. So while the traditional strategy would be to woo the undecideds, Bush is looking to make sure every one of his potential voters gets to the polls. No word on whether Bush campaign workers were working the Bund halls as well . . . whoops, guess that was another era.

The president has wisely decided that stealing the election through mysterious malfunctions of electronic voting machines, most of which are provided by major Bush donors, might not be enough to put him over the top this time. Nor will encouraging states with friendly governors to comb through their voter lists to find anyone with a name vaguely similar to an ex-con’s. The GOP is a "can-do" operation.

THE BIG PAYBACK

Phillipe and Jorge were thrilled to see that the state has finally settled on three offshore spots in which the old superstructure of the Jamestown Bridge will be dumped when construction purportedly begins next spring. (And we will believe that only when we see it. The old Erector Set span has been harder to get rid of than Regis Philbin.)

However, after considerable thought — as well as considerable amounts of Pernod and grapefruit — P&J have come up with an even more appropriate venue: the front lawn of disgraced former Gov. Ed "Gerber Baby" DiPrete’s home in western Cranston. What a fitting tribute for the man who did such a wonderful job in selling the state down the river to the contractors who built the new Jamestown Bridge, including enormous cost overruns (and we must tut-tut those who would dare suggest kickbacks were involved for even considering such thoughts) and the lack of liability from the builders, which left Little Rhody taxpayers holding the Walt’s Roast Beef bag in the long run.

Wouldn’t it be special to see this magnificent structure looming over the Gerb’s manicured front lawn, as he drives his Winnebago with the "If this van’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’ " bumper sticker back and forth across the dilapidated roadway, his head out the window with his comb-over flying wildly in the wind while he shouts "Woo-woo-woo" until wife Pat tells him to come in for his nightly dinner of baloney on white with mayonnaise? (Those prison eating habits are hard to break.)

It brings a tear to our eyes.

FAREWELL, PHIL

P&J were saddened by the loss last week of an old friend, Phil Lydon, who had long been battling an illness. Phil was a fixture in Jamestown, and could always be seen jogging through the streets or making the walk between his favorite restaurants and taverns. A native of Little Rhody and a gentleman and a scholar to be sure, he was a diehard Boston Red Sox fan, who had season tickets for years, attending games with his son, and even making an annual trek to Florida for exhibition games. One of the biggest thrills of those trips was when he met former Red Sox catcher and major league manager Birdie Tebbetts in a bar and spent a good hour talking to him. We’re sure Birdie had a cold one waiting for you, Phil. Thanks for the good times and entertaining talk.

KUDOS AND CONGRATS . . .

. . . to Cranston mayor and Republican convention delegate, Steve "Laugh At Me" Laffey, who peevishly complained about the protesters in NYC to a local TV crew as he was leaving for the convention. He somehow felt that there was something very wrong about questioning the performance of Bush anywhere near Ground Zero. Of course, he doesn’t seem to be at all concerned about the President’s exploiting the same 9/11 symbolism for his own partisan purposes.

Send an mp3 of the Beach Boys’ "All Summer Long" and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com

The Phillipe & Jorge archives.
Issue Date: September 3 - 9, 2004
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