Dropping a dime

M. Chuckie Bakst, the Urinal’s ace political columnist, utilized a very subtle way of playing up a lingering grapevine rumor in his July 27 column.

Writing about his visit to Fenway Park just before the Democratic Convention, when John Kerry tossed out the first ball, M. Chuckie wove this little tidbit into his observations: "Fenway was awash with pols, including Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch; when I spotted him at a party on the new right-field roof deck, he was chatting with his former lobbyist, Cynthia Stern."

Ms. Stern’s sudden departure from her job at Lynch’s office in mid-legislative session this year was a matter of extreme interest for inquiring minds on the political scene. Her name was also featured prominently by WHJJ lame duck John "The Journalist" DePetro, who described what appeared to be more than a non-work relationship that did not set well with Patrick’s spouse. This perception has seemingly yet to die, hence Mr. Bakst’s keen interest in the company our esteemed AG is keeping.

Can you say, American Tourister, boys and girls?

BLATANT SHILLING

all us soft touches, but P&J are going in the tank at the request of our friends to point out two upcoming events we find of interest to our cultured intellects.

Being about as close to real farm boys as Paris Hilton and her Simple Life bimbo friend, Nicole Richie, are to gingham-clad country lasses, we nonetheless encourage you to attend "Night at the Farm" at the Watson Farm in Jamestown on Saturday, August 7 from 6:30 to 11 p.m. There is obviously a joke in there somewhere about the sheep getting nervous when P&J show up in a pasture, but in the grand tradition of barn-raising, this benefit will be used to purchase a no-till feeder for use by all the local farmers on Conanciut Island. The $60-a-head charge includes a BBQ dinner by Chopmist Charlie’s delightful Chuck and Trish Masso, unlimited beer and wine, music by Beyond Therapy, the band of revered local medico Dr. Joe England, and, we are promised, very cool raffle prizes. Regardless of whether these include a year’s worth of sheep dip and all the manure you can truck away, we aren’t sure. But if Phillipe’s experience down on his mother’s farm in Ohio as a youth is anything to go by, there should also be a passel of inbred cousins sitting together in a dark room, watching professional wrestling on a small black-and-white TV, saying nothing. Call (401) 423-0899 for further info, and be there or be square, rube.

Our second pick hit is in an equally provincial outpost, Block Island, on the night of August 15 at the Empire Theatre. There, P&J’s old pal Robert Ellis Smith, publisher of the Privacy Journal and semi-official Block Island historian, will present "Buddy and Me," Bob’s humorous accounts of former Providence Mayor Buddy "Vincent A." Cianci’s years as the rascal king of Our Little Towne. Smith was a high school classmate of Cianci’s, and a friend while the mayor was in office between 1975 and 1984, and then again from 1991 to 2002.

Says Bob, "These are the funny stories that Buddy told me about his years in office and his fellow politicians. These are the stories that you won’t find in the books and news stories about Buddy Cianci." Smith will relate the tales in a one-person stage performance at 9 p.m., with music performed by Anders Vercelli, the acclaimed nightly pianist at the Empire Theatre. Tickets are $12 and are on sale at the Empire Theatre. Be there or be a Block-head.

COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM

The Arizona Daily Star got its knickers in a twist last week when President Dubya’s campaign people demanded to know the race of a Daily Star journalist who would be taking pictures of Boy George’s veep and puppeteer, Dick "Big Time" Cheney. The Star summarily refused to comply with the request, resulting in the campaign organizers backing off their obscene demand.

Teri Hayt, the paper’s managing editor, who quite properly refused to buckle under to the blatantly racist demand, said, "It was such an outrageous request, I was personally insulted." Well, as we’re sure Mr. Cheney would say to you Teri, "Go fuck yourself."

It is doubtless just a coincidence that the photographer’s name was Mamta Popat. With their keen sense of world knowledge and international diplomacy, the Bushies likely think the woman is Middle Eastern, but she’s actually Indian. Then again, to the Bushies, all those dusky folks look alike. And they smell different, too, right Georgie?

Of course, they probably heard no squawking about this purported security measure from the intolerant Big Time. He is notorious for voting as a member of Congress against a non-binding resolution to ask the apartheid South African government to release Nelson Mandela from Robben Island prison, a despicable and pointed racially oriented vote against one of the heroes of the 20th century. This is rarely pointed out in the mass media these days, while the GOP sucks up to the Urban League, any more than we see photos of Donald Rumsfeld joking around and back-slapping with Saddam Hussein while the aging warmonger was a special envoy to the Middle East in the early and mid-’80s. Might it have something to do with him wanting to keep a low profile about being in Baghdad even as Saddam was using biological weapons against Iran? Nice of the networks to silently capitulate to the man widely seen as having more than a little responsibility for some for the antics at Abu Ghraib prison.

Sleep tight, Newton Minow.

LIES AND DAMNED LIES

Is there a bigger scam artist in Washington than Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge?

Content to be a lapdog for President Dubya and religious zealot Attorney General John Ashcroft, Ridge huffed and puffed once again this week about possible Al Qaeda attacks, this time purportedly aimed at major financial institutions New York, Washington, and Newark. While not done with quite the cynical desperation and political timing of past Miss Prissy arms-and-hands-flailing panic, this nonetheless met the usual suspect truthfulness standards that Ridge has come to embody. By the time the story was a day old, after all, the New York Times had reported that Tommy’s information was based on information three or four years old.

Ridge’s Chicken Little pronouncement — perfect for a Bush administration peopled with non-combatant chicken hawks like Boy George, Dick Cheney, Rummy Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz — is a disservice to the American people. Ridge is trying again to make Georgie Boy’s "War on Terror" look substantive, and, yes, the tank in front of Citigroup headquarters in Manhattan was quite impressive. That is, until you consider that thousands of trucks go whizzing unchecked around New York City every day, along with countless containers being dropped off at sites up and down the city’s rivers and seaport with nary an eye batted in their direction.

Perhaps the most absurd contradictory action: the announcement that the Statue of Liberty was to reopen to the public. This came a day after Ridge went to Code Fuchsia with Delightful Tangerine Trim, as people on Wall Street were routinely getting patted down while entering their places of work, and the Washington Metro commuter trains were chock-a-block with fully armed shock troops. Now there’s some clever intelligence (sic) decision-making. Perhaps the CIA and FBI believe Al Qaeda sees no symbolic value in Miss Liberty and will avoid it, especially since sits in one of the busiest ports in the world. Who would ever think of blowing the Statue of Liberty up while it’s full of people celebrating the leading symbol of US democracy?

War on terror, indeed. Sleep tight, citizens, the government is right on top of things.

SUPERIOR NEWS

As our readers know, P&J are always game to inform you of news in the superior community. It has been our contention for decades that: sexual orientation is just what it is . . . sexual orientation. Those who don’t understand this should remove their craniums from their buttocks and learn something. Quotes from the Bible do not sway us. Guess we don’t qualify as "Christians" for most people.

Be that as it may, we are happy to note that the nation’s largest association of psychologists, the American Psychological Association, and its council of representatives officially supported same-sex marriage last week, during the first day of their annual convention in Hawaii (geez, that sounds like a nice conference). In addition, the APA found that same-sex and heterosexual couples are remarkably similar in their parenting effectiveness in research it has done of children’s psychological well-being.

On the negative side, we are saddened to note that a tour, scheduled to have come to Lupo’s last night (Wednesday, August 4) featured some pretty nasty business. Among the performers was Beenie Man (real name, Anthony Davis), who has a record out, "Bad Man, Chi Chi Man," that advocates killing gay folk. Beenie Man recently tried to defend his hateful and despicable attitude with a "cultural" defense, saying in news reports, "The music reflects how Jamaican people see it. I think there are things that are a part of Caribbean culture just like any other culture in the world. Everybody has their way of life. People have beliefs and that comes from who they are."

Yeah, and the Taliban have their beliefs as well. They are anti-human and a disgrace. Sorry, but we received this information about the thoughts of Beenie Man and his supposed "culture" in the last few days and were unable to alert folks to this disgraceful performer in due time. Unfortunately it appears known good guys Jack Reich and Rich Lupo were unaware of the performer’s troglodyte opinions when they booked this moron. However, Rich, who was locked in contractually for the show, agreed to make a donation of part of the door proceeds to the Equal Rights Campaign on stage during intermission. It’s too bad one idiot can force such contortions from folks who always try to do the right thing, and we’d advise Beenie Man to keep his crass, offensive beliefs and lame, backpedaling excuses for same out of Little Rhody now and forever. Amen.

KUDOS AND CONGRATS . . .

. . . to RI Congressman Jim Langevin, for his big national appearance at last week’s Democratic National Convention. While seeming a little nervous at addressing such a huge throng, Jim did his part in introducing Ron Reagan Jr., in support of much needed stem-cell research. In Sunday’s BeloJo, Mark "Pinky" Patinkin did a great job in a background piece on Jim’s appearance. (Which only goes to show, as P&J have always claimed, that Pinky does exemplary work when he’s given something substantial to get into. As for his LifeBleat/Mr. Middle America columns, the less said the better.) As we’ve seen many times, starting with his tenure as our secretary of state, Jim Langevin always rises to the occasion.

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