Birds of a feather?

Phillipe and Jorge’s eyes, ears, and taste buds in Boston for the Democratic National Convention, Ms. P.C., sends us correspondence of interest about the early media coverage:

"The local news is all convention, all the time. So the TV reporters were talking about press coverage, and explained that each media outlet had a skybox in the FleetCenter. And they panned around — Fox, ABC, etc. Then they explained that Al-Jazeera is going to be there, but they’re either reluctant or slow in putting up their sign — but they showed the box anyway. Right next to the Belo box. Coincidence? Or conspiracy? You be the judge . . ."

As our dear readers are well aware, the Dallas-based Belo Corp. owns the Biggest Little’s own esteemed organ, the Providence Urinal. In an effort to ensure the safety of our friends, ace BeloJo political reporters Scottso MacKay and John Mulligan, P&J will be shopping for burnooses for the two, so they can fit in more comfortably with their next-door neighbors. Ah, globalization. Don’tcha just love it?

OH, THAT LEFT-WING MEDIA

What a guy that Rupert Murdoch is! On Monday, the opening day of the DNC, Rupert’s reliably right-wing Boston Herald had this banner story on the front page: "SAY WHAT! Iowa first lady slammed blacks, Easterners and Southerners as bad speakers." As it turns out, this "front page shocker" referred to a newspaper column Christie Vilsack, the wife of Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, wrote back in 1994 for the Mount Pleasant News.

In the opinion column, Ms. Vilsack (whose husband was then just a state senator) noted that many African-Americans and Easterners she had encountered spoke in an accent that she couldn’t quite understand. Two years later in another column, she made the same comment about Southerners, merely noting that they "slurred their words."

Why is this a front page headline story in the Herald? You never see anything like this in those "liberal newspapers" like the Washington Post, New York Times, and Los Angeles Times. It was written by David R. Guarino. Is he, perhaps, in the employ of the GOP "oppo squad" or actually a regular "reporter" for the Herald. We don’t know, but this was obviously the handiwork of the GOP muckrakers. Underscoring this was another article by Mr. Guarino in the same edition of the Herald, this one about comments Senator John Kerry made back in 1971 questioning the "American Dream."

This has all the earmarks of classic party opposition work. The idea is to spread as many negative and nasty things about the opposition as you can find and then hope that the media will pick up on it. That a supposedly "legitimate" newspaper would use a decade-old non-story as a banner headline is blatantly transparent and moronic. How can the Herald have any claims to serious journalism when they do shit like this?

Just to connect the dots for those non-political junkies out there, Ms. Vilsack was one of Senator Kerry’s earliest and biggest supporters and has been widely credited with helping to resuscitate his campaign in the early days of the primary contest out there. That is why her hubby, the Gov, was (for a while anyway) considered a potential vice-presidential candidate.

It’s such a non-story (like Teresa’s "shove it" remark) that it failed to be picked up by most of the legitimate media. It only goes to show that, like in the bad old days, the Boston Herald, for the most part, is just another fully owned subsidiary of the Republican Party.

HOLY DONUTS

The first time we saw it, we weren’t sure whether our eyes were playing tricks on us. But yes, after a quiet stroll through downtown Jamestown last Sunday, P&J realized they are indeed purveying Krispy Kreme donuts just outside the entrance to St. Mark’s Catholic Church before, after, and between services.

As responsible religious historians, P&J immediately examined our framed replica of DaVinci’s "The Last Supper," which hangs in the dining room of Casa Diablo. Despite intense scrutiny, we couldn’t find a box of Krispy Kremes anywhere on the table among J. Christ and his apostles’ banquet spread, although P. did opine that Judas may have swiped it and had it hidden under his seat.

We then pulled out a reproduction of Leonardo’s lesser-known artistic triumph, "The Last Breakfast," which features Mr. Christ and pals in essentially the same scenario — the Messiah in the middle of the table doing "big arms" with adorants on either side — except he and his followers are wearing pajamas. (We’ve always loved Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all opting for the ones with bunny ears. That’s why rabbits feature prominently in Easter celebrations, we’re certain you already realize.) Sure enough, right next to Jesus’s half-finished Virgin Mary and between the manna and lox, there is a box which has Cyrillic lettering on the side which Jorge translated to read "Krispy Kreme." We’re certain this justification of Biblical history will help spur even more Mass-time consumption in the future.

And P&J are really looking forward to what we hope is an upcoming switch for communion at St. Mark’s to Necco Wafers and Red (Papal) Bull as the sacraments. Party on, John Paul II!

PURPLE HEART VS. YELLOW BELLY

As more controversy arose over Dubya’s now-they-are missing, now-they-aren’t National Guard records, and as the Associated Press has gone to court to obtain copies of the documents from the Texas state library archives, it is important to remember a key facet of this presidential race. As we debate the "character" and "values" of the candidates, buzzwords the GOP always like to dredge up, it is good to point out who has the Purple Heart and who owns only a yellow belly. John Kerry volunteered to fight in Vietnam, and did so gallantly, being wounded for his troubles, and earning the admiration of his peers. He also had the guts to challenge those who continued to promulgate the war — "peace is at hand," after all — which took an equal amount of fortitude.

Meanwhile, Georgie Boy was getting shoved to the head of the line by his Poppy to join the Guard and avoid Vietnam. And he didn’t even have the fortitude to serve out his obligation, allegedly going AWOL, a stunt which has led to either the concealment or destruction of the records that would prove the allegations, relying instead on Rosemary Woods-type scenarios to describe why they, like he, were missing. The only wound President Flight Suit may have suffered in those days was picking up a splinter off a wooden bar.

Latest score from the sports desk: In June, 26 American soldiers died in hostile fire in Iraq. As of Thursday, July 22, 30 had been killed this month, according to numbers from US Central Command. Mission accomplished!

AN ARTIST'S LIFE

P&J were saddened to read of the passing of Brown University art professor "Kit" Champa.

Many years ago while at Brown, Phillipe was one of Champa’s students in his contemporary art class. In subsequent years, the course became so popular that members of the public from the East Side would actually come and sit in the back during his lectures and slide shows to learn from this impressive mentor. The course was so compelling that P. actually decided to study for the final, and the academic world on College Hill was rocked to its foundations when he received an A from Champa for his efforts.

This was achieved despite the fact that Kit was kind enough to correct, rather than punish, a fairly major error in one particular essay question, kindly and gently informing his quite naive young scholar in a bit written in the margin: ("Note: Joan Miro was a man").

Fond memories, we are sure, for many beyond P&J from Champa’s distinguished life and career.

MONEY MATTERS

Your superior correspondents were feeling really proud of ourselves when former President Reagan and the great Ray Charles died within a few days of each other and we were ready with a pretty good joke. As you know, a number of right-wing provocateurs were clamoring for booting Alexander Hamilton off of the face of the $10 bill and replacing him with the sainted Ronnie.

It seemed like a bit of bad timing on our part as a newly published biography of Hamilton by respected historian Ron Chernow was climbing the non-fiction best-seller lists and helping to restore that Founding Father’s impressive image.

Our notion was to suggest that, yes, we could use a new face on the $10 bill and to praise that great American to the skies. It would, of course, be Ray Charles. But then, that week’s New Yorker appeared and stole our thunder. Its cover illustration was a $10 bill with (you guessed it) a portrait of the Genius.

Well, we’d still like to have an impact on US currency and so our current suggestion is that we create a new $3 bill featuring the face of James Buchanan. Yes, he was a big loser as a president but as American history goes, he was a truly superior character.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

. . . Great to see Christopher Young back, running in not one, but two General Assembly races in the current election (both Representative and Senatorial districts). You’ll remember Mr. Young as the table-tossing Providence mayoral candidate whose main "idea" to keep Our Little Towne’s "Renaissance" going was to cut a deal with Universal Studios to make a mini-theme park in the middle of downtown on Westminster Street. He oughta keep things lively.

. . . Calling the wire pen set up for protesters in Boston the "Free Speech Zone" is a real stroke of genius. Might we suggest that if people find this notion reasonable, we change the name of the Adult Correctional Institution (which obviously doesn’t make much sense as there seems to be no interest in correcting anything there) to the "Free Speech Institution." Maybe everyone will feel a little better about that.

BACK IN THE LOOP

Due to an internal communications glitch, P&J have not been able to access our e-mail for a considerable amount of time — say, for as long as it takes to ride a skateboard from here to Juneau, Alaska. We are now back online, and would like to express our regrets to those of you who have sent us tips and good news, or just plain threatened us with bodily harm over the past months. So keep the info coming, let’s rock and roll, and remember, it’s Messrs. Assholes to you.

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