Say it ain’t so, Joe

Phillipe and Jorge are longtime fans of straight talking, no bullshit-walking Superior Court Presiding Justice Joe Rodgers.

A classic example of Rodgers’s public candor surfaced when he reviewed the list of finalists for Supreme Court Justice Bob Flanders’s soon-to-be-vacated seat on the bench. Noting the absence of Superior Court justices on the list of five finalists from which Governor Don Carcieri has to choose — the judges having foregone applying for a spot on the Supremes — Rodgers bluntly commented to the Other Paper, "[The five finalists] are all fine candidates, but are they the best that the state could offer? I don’t think so."

Whoo, we are certain Joe won’t be getting any Christmas cards this year from those five Supreme wannabes. Ostensibly, possible candidates from the Superior Court are happy where they are in Rodgers’s legal crib. Could this be a tacit expression of disapproval, however, of the brashness and occasionally controversial visibility that Chief Justice Frank Williams has brought to the Supremes in recent years? P&J also wonder if that — along with the departing jurist’s periodic tendency to wind up on the wrong side of majority decisions — may have influenced Flanders’s decision to leave this jurist’s wet dream of a post. Justice Flanders’s energy and thinking are highly regarded by his peers, and the old "New worlds to conquer" purported reason for his departure has always seemed a bit suspect.

USE YOUR HEAD

Anyone as deeply familiar with infantile jokes as Phillipe and Jorge — and they have been our lifeblood since we were "utes" — knows the old one about, "Want to lose 20 pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head."

So it was when P&J received notice of CNN’s breaking story about the appalling beheading of American Nicholas Berg at the hands of Al Qaeda operatives, and we went to the story as suggested on the CNN Web site. There, in one of the most unbelievable spots of juxtaposition in history, was a large ad, next to the story of the beheading, featuring a photo of a woman’s derriere in a white bikini. In huge letters right next to the now-famous picture of Berg kneeling before his captives just before his unspeakable execution, were the words, "Want to lose 10-50 pounds of fat?" The bad taste bell chimed like Big Ben throughout Casa Diablo, and you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the insensitivity and unintentionally ghoulish black humor. Nice thinking, CNN. (As Tommy from Queens pointed out to P&J, Garry Trudeau’s Doonesbury comic strip, prepared weeks before Berg’s execution, will weigh in from this macabre angle on Sunday, May 23. The character B.D., after losing a leg in Iraq, gets on the phone to tell his girlfriend Boopsie about it, and starts out, "The good news is I’m down to my ideal weight.")

And in an instance that showed similarly gross stupidity, the headline of the week goes to a follow-up story by the Associated Press, which gave us this deep insight: "Pa. Man’s Beheading in Iraq Upsets Family." Really? Is the Pope also Catholic? No wonder no one takes the media seriously anymore.

DIVERTING ATTENTION

Septuagenarian war enthusiast Rummy Rumsfeld was seen last week marching around the Abu Ghraib prison in his little blue blazer and tie, and a pair of borrowed Timberlands. His jaw was firmly set and he glared through his rimless specs, comically looking more like a first-grader rehearsing his part in "March of the Wooden Soldiers" than a supposed international leader. Meanwhile, the pro-Dubya Bush listservs to which your superior correspondents subscribe did everything possible to avoid any and all mention of the prison scandal (never mind the gas prices that skyrocket as Dubya’s Big Oil buddies profiteer). Instead, we had info-mails extolling the state of Boy George’s economy and how so many military vets are supporting Bush, but nary a mention of the sadism and sex in Baghdad’s finest lock-ups, "under new management," as our boy Teddy Kennedy said to the derision of conservative commentators. Can you say, "Ostriches," boys and girls?

BACK IN THE SADDLE

Phillipe and Jorge’s thoughts and best wishes for a speedy recovery go out to John Rector, Little Rhody legend and Casa Diablo charter guest, of the late, lamented Leo’s. Looks like a sympathy ploy to us, JR.

TOWERING GENIUSES

Did everyone hear that Osama bin Laden’s family has just been hired to build the tallest skyscraper in the world, in Dubai? Perverse irony just doesn’t get any better, does it?

We just can’t wait to see the features of this new 160-floor, 2300-feet-tall tribute to world culture from the relatives of the man behind the Twin Towers destruction on September 11. We hope the themes will reflect on and allude to many great men of history. A possible cocktail lounge, Osama’s Oasis, a relaxation center for guests where they can make their own videos for express shipment to Al-Jazeera TV, and a wall of monitors to watch them that evening on CNN. Perhaps there would be a Taliban Hot Tub Club, where female slaves could wash and massage esteemed Arab politicians from such friendly places such as Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan? Or the Pol Pot Patio, where guests wash down a few cocktails before dinner? Yes, the tasteful possibilities are endless.

Note to the first visitors to the bin Laden luxury suites. You better make damn sure that the Dubai air traffic controllers are the best in the world, boyos.

BIG WEEKEND

Indeed, last weekend was a big one for some good people. First, there was the well-deserved elevation of Bill Clifton to a district court judgeship. Bill is simply one of the Biggest Little’s best and brightest (no Halberstamian irony intended). A big crowd attended the ceremonial swearing-in ceremony at the State House to witness the event and show support for a truly talented and good man. An after-reception at Sidecars, (the former Chad’s) on Dorrance Street was equally crowded with family, friends, and colleagues.

The after-event resembled a cocktail party featuring a huge contingent of Vo Dilun’s finest public servants past and present. Former AGs Julius Michaelson and Jim O’Neill, Superior Court Judge Steve Fortunato, Assistant US Attorney Richard Rose, Tommy O’Connor, former Providence city councilman and city planning department stalwart, civil rights champion John Dineen, and the newly appointed (deservedly so) Family Court Judge Laureen D’Ambra were all in attendance.

Of course, Superior Court Judge (and brother) Ed Clifton and Superior Court Judge (and wife) Rogeriee Thompson, and Ed’s wife, the lovely and charming Audrey, were also present. Rogeriee’s sister (surprise — another barrister) was up from St. Croix, where she works in the attorney general’s office, and Judge Joe Brown, of television fame (wearing a jaunty Stetson), flew up from Texas to celebrate with his old pal.

Anyone familiar with Bill Clifton’s intellect, talent, and fairness already knows that he will be an outstanding addition to the RI judiciary. We would add that his great humor and authentic humility will serve him and our state well. This is a first-rate guy all around.

On Saturday, Scott MacKay, BeloJo political reporter and longtime Casa Diablo regular, married Dr. Staci Fischer at the Central Congregational Church in Providence. Everyone we know who knows the couple is ecstatic about this, considering them a perfect pairing. Congratulations to Scott and Staci, and much happiness.

THE RUMMY WATCH CONTINUES

Drip, drip, drip. Last week, your superior correspondents suggested that Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld would be cleaning out his locker in a little more than a month. We stand by our prediction, and note new developments lending more weight to our belief that the roots of the Iraqi prison scandal are right in the White House.

There is the impression from the White House that we, the mighty United States, under George W. Bush, don’t need no stinkin’ Geneva Conventions. The concept of an internationally accepted standard of treatment for prisoners and detainees in times of war and peace, apparently, is too wimpy for our swaggering leaders. We have no doubt that Rummy-boy gave the thumbs-up to the use of the sexual humiliation and physical and mental abuse visited on the prisoners at Abu Ghraib.

Since we believe that this is not just the work of some loose cannon underlings, but rather official policy, we also suspect the same treatment is widespread in US-run facilities in Afghanistan and Cuba. Look back at how the "American Taliban" was treated after his capture, only months after 9/11, during the early days of the retaliatory attacks on Afghanistan. He was stripped naked, and writing was scrawled on his body.

On Monday, USA Today featured a cover story on the arrest, detainment, and ultimate release of Muslim Army chaplain James Yee, a man initially charged with treason. When it came time for evidence to be presented, there was nothing. The eventual charges against Yee were for "downloading pornography." Might this be another indication that the Bush/Rumsfeld strategy is to "shoot high," using the broadest of brushes against perceived enemies and paying no attention to those human rights wusses behind the curtain? Why do you think that this administration labored to keep the detainees at Guantanamo outside the reach of any judicial system, as well as outside of the rules of the Geneva Conventions? It’s pretty damned obvious and now they’ve been caught.

Believing Rummy, Cambone, Wolfie, and Cheney’s lies is sorta like still believing that Clinton was not copping hummers from Monica four or five months after the public became aware of that particular scandal. The big difference, of course, is that Wet Willie’s extracurricular activities did not exactly pose an equivalent threat to the nation and world. Clinton was threatened with impeachment for his disgraceful behavior. What should we do about Bush?

Send May flowers and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@ phx.com.