Injustice on the court

And to think we call ourselves the State of Rhode Island and Feinstein Plantations!

Phillipe and Jorge are absolutely wild-eyed and besides ourselves at the most egregious affront since John "Little Jesus" Ashcroft had Lady Justice’s breasts covered (literally) and besmirched her image (figuratively, via the Patriot Act), practically shocking the lady enough to drop the scales of fairness she blindly holds forth. This latest outrage is about to be perpetrated right here in Little Rhody!

You don't have to be an Abraham Lincoln scholar to realize that P&J are talking about the list of nominations to the Vo Dilun Supreme Court. Already dismayed that our pal Rogeriee Thompson didn’t apply for the position, we were appalled to see the forlorn resumes offered by the seven candidates chosen to interview for the Supreme spot left open by departing justice Bob Flanders. The selection committee will narrow this shortlist to three-to-five jurists for Governor Carcieri to choose from in adding a new entry to Frank Williams’s judicial road show.

Listen to the abysmal educational "experience" of some of the candidates: Georgetown University Law Center; University of Louvain in Belgium (might as well be French!); Boston College School of Law; and Yale Law School. Notice anything sticking out like a sore thumb? You bet! No Suffolk! Only one of the seven prospects, Joseph Ippolito, actually graduated from Suffolk University Law School, and it doesn’t even say it was the night school! Jumpin’ Joe Bevilacqua, Batman, what are we going to do? Making matters worse, Ippolito went to Tufts for his undergraduate degree, completely failing to follow the requisite Vo Dilun lawyer/politician Holy Trinity path toward nirvana: 1) La Salle Academy and 2) PC before going on to 3) Halitosis Hall as a state rep, and then to the bench.

It is with heavy hearts that P&J witness this slide down the slippery slope for the Biggest Little’s judicial community. The next time around, we hope that somehow, somewhere, a candidate will come forward with the proper credentials.

RIOT ON CELLBLOCK (CHANNEL) 10

We’re ready, Jimmy. We’ll bust you out of the joint before those goons at the ACI can say "Disgraced former Governor Edward DiPrete." (Well, actually, that’s kind of tough to say. How about "Sing Sing"?)

Yes, action men Phillipe and Jorge are poised to go into full desperado mode, flying to aid our old pal, JARhead investigative reporter Jim Taricani. This is if The Man tries to put him away for not revealing how he got the famous Plunder Dome videotape showing Frank Corrente, former Mayor Buddy "Vincent A." Cianci’s top aide, taking bribe money from an informant. Mr. Corrente is now spending time at the government’s pleasure at the former Fort Devens in Massachusetts, while the Bud-I is, of course, doing the same at Fort Dix in New Jersey.

We’ve rounded up Taricani’s buddy, Bob Leuci, the local crime writer who is an ex-New York City undercover cop and model for Prince of the City and all our old ex-state trooper friends, rousing them from choir practice at Twillows. This is so they can use their experience with the penal system to bust him out, should Judge Torres sentence Jimmy for contempt of court for not revealing his source. If he has to face hard time now or in the future, Jim will know in his secondhand heart that his boys are ready to come to the rescue. All we need is the word to kick the plan in motion. (P.S.: The file will be in the second chocolate éclair from the left, right next to the raspberry financier in the row behind the Napoleons and citrus tarts in the shipment we send from East Side Marketplace, signed, "Keep up your spirits and give the showers a miss — Al K. Traz.")

BACK TO SCHOOL

Speaking of showers, P&J urge any and all interested in how government need not be a hog trough or cesspool to attend Operation Clean Government’s Candidates School on Saturday, March 27. The educational session is meant to encourage more people to run for office, while telling them how they can do it. This is a true service, especially in a state known for its preponderance of unopposed elections to the House and Senate, overloaded to an extreme by Democrats and males, and half-filled by lawyers, teachers, municipal workers, and union management.

OCG’s Candidates School isn’t just for lightweights, either. Governor Don "The Don" Carcieri, Providence head ramrod David "Little Chi Chi" Cicilline, and Cranston Mayor Steve Laffey all attended the school in 2002. While attendance doesn’t necessarily guarantee success, perhaps — as in Laffey’s case — you may end up being in direct contact with God. Although this isn’t listed as one of the seminar topics, we bet that just attending the workshop helps with the Big Sir, and certainly the voters. For info, call OCG at (877) 793-3774 or visit www.candidatesschool.org. Be there or be square, potential pols.

A FEW DUBYA-ERA OUTRAGES

Sad, but true that while many of us may have the inclination to keep up on the news, time is limited and our ability to scan a variety of news sources is constrained. We imagine the Republicans, in particular, are counting on this for the 2004 elections. To balance (as in "fair and balanced") things a little, here are a few recent items that you might find of interest. We at Casa Diablo certainly did.

• The story in the April issue of Vanity Fair about some of the new election machines set for use in November. It is a long and rather complicated story, but in broad strokes, it discusses some of the new voting technology. Unlike the seemingly superior optical scan technology used here in the Biggest Little, the article deals with computerized touch-screen technology that many other states are using. Michael Shnayerson reports on possible security glitches and how the machines may be easily hacked, apparently without detection. Much of the technology has been developed by the giant Diebold company, an outfit that is (surprise!) a major Bush election contributor. The software has been used in a few states where Democratic candidates, judged to be fairly well ahead in pre-election polling, were victims of GOP upsets. One of these was the Georgia election that unseated senator Max Cleland. We urge you to check out this article. Decide for yourself whether the Florida election, with its hanging chads and tens of thousands of dispossessed minority voters, looks like Mickey Mouse-election fraud compared to what might be possible this year. The best part: according to numerous computer experts quoted in the article, the potential election fraud will be nearly impossible to scrutinize because there will be no paper trial to check.

• The New York Times this week reported that federal investigators "are scrutinizing television segments in which the Bush administration paid people to pose as journalists praising the benefits of the new Medicare law" jammed by the administration through Congress. The videos were provided to local television stations for news programming. Produced by the Department of Health and Human Services, they’re being called "video news releases," rather than partisan political propaganda, and, of course, the source of these video news releases is not identified. A couple of them end with a woman saying, "In Washington, I’m Karen Ryan reporting." The production company used by HHS, Home Front Communications, said it had hired "Karen Ryan" to read a script "prepared by the government." Nice, huh?

• Our British allies have apparently picked up a thing or two from their bosom-buddies in the Bush Administration. In fact, they seem to be doing us Yanks one better. David Blunkett, the home labor secretary, is currently arguing in the Royal Courts of Justice in London that people proven innocent of crimes for which they served prison time should be charged 3000 pounds a year for their wrongful stay in the pokey. Speaking for the Blair government, Blunkett calls this "a reasonable course of action," reasoning that the innocent men and women would have spent the money for food and lodging anyway. Maybe Scott Hornoff didn’t get everything he asked for, but at least he can be thankful that the USA has yet to adopt this approach (although we’re sure that Johnny "Little Jesus" Ashcroft is watching this particular "initiative" with great interest).

• And, locally, who are these bright lights in South County who got their knickers all in a twist about how historian Howard Zinn spoke to South Kingstown high school students without "an opposing voice"? Zinn’s assertions — such as the idea that oil has guided US foreign policy in the Middle East — are about as controversial as the notion that 2+2=4. One genius parent was actually quoted as saying, "Political ideas shouldn’t be discussed in the classroom." So much for civics, history, and social studies.

A LITTLE LOCAL COLOR, PLEASE?

The Phoenix got a voicemail message from a local black artist the other day, pointing out how a recent Sunday BeloJo arts feature on Vo Dilun’s "Artful Women" seemed a little light on complexion. The fact that there were no women artists of color included was a bit startling, and we’re kind of wondering where Lizzie Araujo, Rose Weaver, Barbara Meek, and a few dozen other top-drawer artists of color (the internationally renowned Kara Walker, alas, has left town) were hiding when the photographer showed up.

TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, SUPERIOR STYLE

Editor’s note: The official 25th anniversary roast of Phillipe & Jorge will take place Thursday, April 8 at Federal Reserve in Providence. Tickets for the event are $50 and can be purchased through ArtTix (401-621-6123, online at www.arttixri.com). The roast — which begins with cocktails at 6:30 p.m, dinner at 8, and the main event at 9 — will benefit AIDS Project Rhode Island and the documentary film Buddy:An American Story, a nonprofit project. Roasters will include Joseph R. Paolino Jr., Scott MacKay, Charlie Hall, and special surprise guests.

Send spring training reports and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@ phx.com.