The Biggest Little cocktail party

The first thing you have to know about the Providence Newspaper Guild Follies is that it’s probably the biggest Vo Dilun celebrity cocktail party of the year. About 1300 people show up, including a veritable who’s who in political, media, business, labor, and social activism circles from the Biggest Little. In short, almost everyone is there that you regularly see in the newspapers, on television, or hear on the radio. The unadvertised event regularly sells out. Although the BeloJo has published numerous stories about the event in the past, it declined this year, once again, to publicize the idiosyncratic evening, even though it was the first Follies since the Guild and Urinal management buried the hatchet.

The Guild represents more than 400 employees of the Providence Journal Company, from ad sales reps and custodial staff to reporters and photographers. For the past 31 years, the union has put on a show on the last Friday in February in which Guild members and assorted friends lampoon, in song and skits, the news events of the previous year. The show has gotten slicker over the years and more professional. Well, not as professional as Charlie Hall’s gang, the Ocean State Follies, but since it’s a once a year event, there’s a bit more Sturm und Drang, and the material has sharper claws.

This year’s Follies, held as always at the Venus de Milo banquet hall in Swansea, Massachusetts, (well out of reach, as co-host Scott MacKay noted, of any new homeland security laws that might pop up in Little Rhody) was fine and funny. From your superior correspondents’ point of view, here are some of the high points:

• Getting a really good table is cool. This is important because the Phoenix table is customarily well off the beaten track, and it’s not always easy to see the show. Providence Phoenix Head Ramrod Steve Brown opined, " I think we got this great table because of [news editor] Ian [Donnis], " who has been onto the goings on at the BeloJo like a Velcro cummerbund. That may be, but we wouldn’t doubt that MacKay (and old college pal of Steve-o’s) exerted a little influence. We had great sight lines, and could even see Governor Carcieri chuckling at the next table.

• Seeing old friends is cool. For instance, Guy Dufault, the controversial consultant and political operative, remains first to Jorge a guy who he grew up and played sandlot ball with in Pawtucket. If you would think there’s a certain amount of affection and loyalty there, you would be right. It was also great to see RI PBS CEO Susan " Muffy " Farmer. She looked great, and we understand she’s got some big news coming. Stay tuned.

• MacKay and Frank O’Donnell are good emcees. Since the Guild opens the Follies to folks who are not Guild members, a few pros slip through the door now and then. Veteran stand-up comedian O’Donnell is a perfect example. He made a brief appearance last year, but did most of the emcee heavy lifting this year, delivering lines like, " [Cranston] Mayor Laffey’s got four tables tonight. One for himself, one for his ego, and the others for the 12 Apostles. " Alternating with O’Donnell, MacKay noted, " In Providence, [Mayor Cicilline] is paying the police chief more than A-Rod, but he’s firing all the arts and music teachers. And we thought that we were electing a gay mayor! "

• Guessing the mystery guest is a leading parlor game. Every year, the biggest guessing game at the cocktail hour preceding the Follies is trying to figure out who the mystery guest will be. Each year, the Guild invites someone who has been a major Vo Dilun newsmaker to end the show with a skit or song of their own. Almost every year, no one successfully guesses who this will be. However, the Mighty Chi Chi mentioned while visiting the Phoenix table before the show that he thought Narragansett Chief Sachem Matthew Thomas would be the guest. " See the stage set with the cigarette pack design? " he told your superior correspondents. The Providence mayor was right on the money.

• Hidden talents. A very nice job by Thomas, the Narragansett head ramrod. He kept it short and, well, not exactly sweet (sample line: after reading a fake telegram from Dan Bucci, former Lincoln Park CEO and Narragansett nemesis, Thomas blurted out, " Thanks, Dan. Say hi to Buddy for me. " ), but he kept ’em laughing. We’ll take the liberty of crediting the aforementioned Dufault, a close tribal consultant, with an assist on this one.

Similarly, Michael Evora and Don Blais were the two outstanding singing voices of this year’s Follies. Neither works at the Journal (although we believe that Michael did, briefly, many years back). Blais is a restaurateur/ caterer from Apponaug, and Evora, as many of you know, is the executive director of the Rhode Island Commission for Human Rights (taking over for the recently retired and much-loved Gene Booth). Evora’s performance of a " Smoke Gets in Your Eyes " parody about the Narragansett smoke shop raid, from the perspective of Chief Thomas, was spot-on. (Sample lyric: " They asked me how I knew/We were getting screwed/I, of course, replied/ white men they do lie/Connot be denied, " and " Now, years of genocide/Can be mollified/So in our defense/This could be revenge/ Smoke gets in your eyes. " )

• Everyone loves a little cheesecake. Co-producer of the show this year with MacKay, the frequently scantily clad Babette Augustin sparkled as " The State House Cumada. " No need for a wardrobe malfunction, because there was seldom much of a wardrobe to begin with. Good thing for Babette that it wasn’t as cold last week as it usually is for the Follies. Somebody wrap a coat around that poor woman!

Finally, Rob " The Bob " Rainville was back one more time with his classic Bud-I portrayal. Washington bureau chief John Mulligan was MIA this year with his usual salute to Bob Dylan and the Chafee family, but the music, staging, lighting, and the costumes were all nonetheless first-rate. The Guild is getting so good at this stuff that it’s scary.

BENEFIT FOR RANDY

Just a brief reminder for his many, many friends: There is a benefit planned for Randy Hien at the Living Room on Saturday, March 15 with a suggested $5 donation. The contact person is Tracy Santiago at (401) 421-3995 or evilsexyblueeyes@aol.com. We understand that Randy’s condition is improving, but he’s got a long way in front of him and continues to need your thoughts and prayers.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

P&J usually spend our valuable time sitting around the heated pool at Casa Diablo, sipping Pernod and grapefruit juice, and watching prerecorded videos of Joan Rivers and her daughter critiquing fashion at the Golden Globe, Emmy, and Oscar awards. To amuse ourselves, we often attach bungee cords to a windowsill, with the other ends hooked onto the corners of our mouths, eye sockets, and ears. We then lean forward as far as we can, grotesquely stretching the skin, and smile hideously, trying to mirror the look of Ms. Rivers the Elder, without the worry of facelifts or Botox injections. A bit juvenile, perhaps, but it nicely breaks up the day.

At other times, however, we try to stimulate the gray matter with deep thoughts, such as which politicians most resemble popular American personalities. Locally, we have state treasurer Paul Tavares, the Portuguese version of Seinfeld’s Newman, played by Wayne Knight; Charlie Fogarty’s similarity to Herman Munster; and the legendary Ed DiPrete as the Gerber Baby, spit curl and all.

On the national political scene, P&J can’t help thinking of actor Michael McKean when Senator John Edwards strikes certain poses on the campaign trail. And Howard Dean, for as long as he remains with us, can certainly do a fine impression of Nathan Lane, although old-timers who, like your superior correspondents, were attending Trinity Rep years ago (or hanging out afterwards at Leo’s) can spot a definite resemblance to the young and dynamic actor Peter Gerety, long since departed for the lure of Hollywood. While finding a doppelganger for John Kerry is, of course, difficult, we can always rely on the tried and true — President Dubya Bush, who is a dead ringer for Cheetah, the chimpanzee late of the Johnny Weissmuller-era Tarzan movies.

Is this called having too much free time on your hands?

CASA DIABLO DISH

On the evening of Saturday, March 6, Phillipe and Jorge will join a group of fellow seditious types just looking to get locked up for opposing the civil rights infringements contained in Dubya Bush and John Ashcroft’s Orwellian-named Patriot Act. From 6 to 10 p.m., the South Kingstown Justice and Peace Action Group and fellow travelers are hosting a celebration promoting peace, justice, and civil liberties, at the Westminster Unitarian Church, 119 Kenyon Ave., East Greenwich. Entertainment by Chivas Bus and Ed McGuirl, dancing by crazies, bon mots from your superior correspondents, and some serious presentations of the statewide work going on to halt the disappearance of our rights under the guise of being loyal to America. Contact Ingrid at (401) 782-6126, Mary at (401) 783-7515; or Michael at larkinmj@ cox.net for more info or directions. Be there or be square.

KISSED BY AN ANGEL

Hats off to CBS’s Hannah Storm, who recently skipped the many layers of makeup she has worn on air for years to cover a port wine stain birthmark on her face. This is a very courageous move in TV-land, where the line between journalism and entertainment is increasingly hard to discern. The networks’ hiring of reporters, most of whom are talking hairdos reading someone else’s words off TelePrompTers, has become a beauty pageant. Broadcast News lives, and take a bow, Stone Phillips.

P&J were even more surprised by Ms. Storm’s move. This is because Phillipe did a profile years ago of Hannah, then a hot new sports reporter for NBC, for that famed literary journal, TV Guide. Due to her having a bout with the flu, P. had to interview the lovely and likable young lady at her apartment. When he arrived, he found her in bathrobe, slippers, and looking none too well, but she proceeded to go ahead with a two-hour interrogation at the kitchen table. Not once was there a tell-tale sign of anything but a model-pure complexion, despite a weary look that would have prompted a news director to " takin’ a hot " if she appeared like that on air.

We were pleased, given her graciousness, to learn that Storm has given up after many attempts to remove the birthmark. She had already told her young daughter, who sees the real woman every day without makeup, that it shows where she had been kissed by an angel. Nice.

Send broadcast signals and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.