What has Don done?

When P&J saw the initial story on the governor’s planned homeland security legislation, our first response was, "Hey, if this passes, they’ll be tossing our buttocks in jail tomorrow." Of course, things could be worse than sharing a jail cell with Henry and Carol Shelton, Joyce Katzberg, Irwin Becker, Richard Walton, Phil Edmonds, and about a dozen of our other favorite agitators in what, we assume, would be the first roundup of the Biggest Little’s most notorious security risks.

Rather than being appalled by old WWI anti-sedition legislation that, moronically, is still on the books here, the genius types working for Donny Boy decided to update and embellish these blatantly unconstitutional laws. This proposal was a major bonehead move, and to his credit, the big guy yanked it within 48 hours.

If your superior correspondents, who have never attended a day of law school and are in no way "legal scholars," could immediately see how The Don’s legislation was a major gaffe, how come no one on his staff did? What’s the deal? How did Don just get a briefing on the broad strokes before giving it the thumbs up?

Perhaps those "shocked and awed" by this dumb-ass move might start thinking about what exactly Carcieri has done so far that has advanced anything in the state. The "Big Audit" seems more like the "Big Where’s It?" Donny’s certainly congenial and PR-savvy. But as Walter Mondale, channeling Clara Peller (and there’s a good reason why he lost), famously put it back in 1984, "Where’s the beef?" Yes, Don is graceful and gracious, and his response to the Station nightclub tragedy was pitch-perfect. He instinctively understood what was needed in terms of healing, and for that, he deserves our gratitude. He’s certainly more present than the Missing Linc, but what else has he actually done?

Finally, regarding The Don’s preposterous piece of strong-arm, weak mind legislation, as well as Dubya’s desire to ban gay marriage, we say this: A person who P&J quite admire, a Polish immigrant, rose to the highest of ranks of education in America. This person once explained to us, "Civil and human rights are not what are given to you. Rights are things that cannot be taken away." Amen.

A FURTHER AMEN

P&J fully concur with the following, particularly in light of Dubya’s expression of support for a constitutional amendment regarding gay marriage. This is from the Unitarian Universalist Religious Society of the Bell Street Chapel in Providence:

"[We] applaud the decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Court to provide the civil right of marriage to all citizens. We urge the legislature of Rhode Island to take action this year to acknowledge the right of mutually committed and caring adults of the same sex to form family units with the same spousal rights and obligations of married heterosexual couples.

"We accept the right of any religious organization, acting on the basis of its religious beliefs, to deny its blessings to the marriage of same sex couples. However, we strongly object to the government’s use of any religious definition of family and marriage to determine which of its citizens will be granted the opportunity to accept the privileges and responsibilities of marriage if they so desire.

"This is not only a matter of civil rights. It is also an issue of religious freedom and separation of church and state. Religious freedom is compromised when the state accepts the religious beliefs of some groups over others. And in so doing, the power and influence of the state is inappropriately mingled with that of religious institutions.

"Therefore, we urge our legislators to redress this wrong by enacting a law to ensure the legal status of marriage for same sex couples."

RANDY NEEDS OUR PRAYERS

A dear friend of P&J’s and the entire Phoenix family is fighting for his life. Perhaps you saw the articles about an accident a week and a half ago on Route 10 in Providence, a head-on collision caused by someone going the wrong way, who was subsequently charged with driving under the influence. Randy Hien was the person most seriously injured in that collision. The stories noted that Randy is the Little League coach from Lincoln who brought his team to great heights in the Little League World Series.

To anyone familiar with the roots of the Providence art and culture in the past 30 years, Randy is much more than that. He is one of the pioneers and a greatly loved and respected figure. Heard of the Living Room? Randy created the Living Room — the club, with Lupo’s, that presented the best rock acts of the ’70s and ’80s and, more importantly, gave dozens of local acts their first opportunity to play. There has been no greater supporter of local music. His enthusiasm for the scene has been boundless and infectious. For decades, Randy Hien has been one of the behind-the-scenes creators of what has become known as the Providence Renaissance.

Tens of thousands of Vo Dilunduhs who may not know his name have been thrilled and inspired by shows that Randy made possible. Hundreds of local musicians got their start thanks to Randy. He is known not only for the integral part he has played in local music circles, but for his kindness and generosity of spirit. Our thoughts and prayers are with Randy for a swift and full recovery. Those who love rock ’n’ roll should know that no one has nurtured that community the way that Randy Hien has. Godspeed.

STANDING TALL

Phillipe and Jorge can’t say enough lately about Vo Dilun’s Little Big Man in Washington, Senator Jack Reed. While we all know that "Our Jack" is self-effacing, gentlemanly, and totally without airs, the ex-commander of a paratrooper company (although a non-combat vet, as he quickly and frequently points out) can nonetheless be a feisty little SOB when riled.

That is just what the journalistic bimbo Ann Coulter, the radical round heels of the right, did when she attacked triple amputee Max Cleland, owner of a Silver Star — a token of his service in Vietnam. That he dares question President Flight Suit’s claim to not having gone AWOL from the National Guard was enough to set off the blond goddess of garbage. She suggests he was not a hero, just a grunt who puffed up his injuries to play on people’s heartstrings and who dared to insinuate that Dubya the Dodger bailed out on what were then indeed elitist "weekend warriors." (Just ask Colin Powell — in his book, he said as much and worse about the National Guard’s role during Vietnam.)

Well, this about did it for Senator Reed. Taking to the floor of the Senate to defend these ridiculous, poisonous remarks about his friend, he said, "Max Cleland is a hero. No one has to portray him as one; he is one." Directly referencing Coulter’s drivel, Reed then said, "Yeah, Max was lucky to be in Vietnam – really lucky."

Jack went on to further, saying, "[Combat] is an experience I have not known, very few people in this chamber have known. It is the mark of true heroism and courage, and day in and day out men like Max Cleland do it. And to suggest that his sacrifice was some type of stunt gone bad, some type of foolishness is beneath contempt."

Swallow that with your Anita Bryant morning orange juice, Georgie, before you blow off yet another military funeral for a fundraiser. As for Ann Coulter, we hope the furor gets you another guest shot on another political chattering class talk show, because you know as well as P&J that your sell-by date, as the Charo of the conservative set, is quickly coming up.

THE BALL'S IN HIS COURT

Prior to Governor Carcieri recently naming William Clifton to the district court, P&J were intrigued by how the Supreme Court chances of Superior Court Judge Rogeriee Thompson, Bill’s wife and one of our icons, might be impacted by the perception-occluded world of politics.

The Don stirred up a lot of emotions when he bypassed Rogeriee last year, naming Paul Suttell to the last opening on the Supremes, and she looked like a surefire bet this time around. (P&J believe that some of the loudly voiced concerns about race, and the time having come for a minority to be a Supreme, only detracted from Rogeriee’s rightful consideration for her considerable talents as a jurist. Yes, the minority view is legit, but let’s not make the lady look like, pardon the expression, a token choice. She can match wits, skills, temperament, and empathy with the best that Little Rhody has to offer.)

Clifton’s selection for district court means that the extended Clifton family now has two Superior Court judges in its midst (Bill’s brother, Ed, is also a Superior Court judge) and one in district court. Since Bill’s application for the vacancy came after Bob Flanders’s announcement that he’ll be leaving the Supremes — and before The Don’s selection of Bill Clifton — there were even thoughts that the husband might fall on his sword to aid Rogeriee’s ascent.

But now Rogeriee tells a shocking new story to our prescient old pal, M. Chuckie Bakst of the BeloJo. "Another Supreme Court seat is opening," wrote Charlie in his February 22 column on the Brothers Clifton. "Thompson said last Tuesday that she probably will not apply for it. ‘The time wouldn't be right . . . It’s just a personal decision.’ "

Personal, schmersonal, sister. P&J think Rogeriee deserves to step up to the Supremes this time around — whether she likes it or not. If she’s as smart as we think she is, she’ll cut this crazy talk right now. You listening, girl? P&J request that others follow our lead, letting Judge Thompson know that she has a legions of people who want to see her use her talents on the Supreme bench. The Biggest Little would benefit greatly from her learned presence, and we hope all her friends and supporters will let her know this. Then, if she applies, it’s up to The Don to do the right thing, which we’re sure he will.

(P.S. to her honor — you know P&J have embarrassed you before in public, lady, and would do so again in a heartbeat, so you had best do what we say. Word.)

GENIUS WATCH

PETA recently attempted to start a groundswell for the people of Hamburg, Germany, to change their community’s name to "Veggieburg." They said they’d kick in $10,500 as an inducement. Sounds a lot like Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels’s famous offer, 28 years ago, to get the Beatles back together (for $3000), adjusted for inflation.

After being rebuffed by the Germans, PETA is now trying, according to the Christian Science Monitor, the same thing in Slaughterville, Oklahoma, encouraging the town to change its name to "Veggieville." Only problem is that the real name comes from a famous early citizen of that area, not any food processing plants. Wait’ll they hear about Death Valley.

Send homeopathic tofu and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@ phx.com.