Babes in the woods

Phillipe and Jorge have come to the conclusion that it’s very possible to get very stupid, very quickly. At least that’s what our local politicians and big business types would have us believe, at least when they deal with one another. They can go from corporate geniuses and political whiz kids strutting their stuff in the Capitol Grille to being Sergeant Schultz of Hogan’s Heroes-types, loudly declaring their ignorance in a bunker, faster than one can say "Ken Lay" when the sunlight shines upon them.

For instance, we have Gordon Fox and GTECH. Fox, long considered one of the sharpest knives in the drawer at Halitosis Hall, has admitted to "an error" and agreed to pay a $10,000 fine. This came after the state Ethics Commission found him in conflict of interest because of the legal work the firm he worked for did for GTECH and his subsequent seconding of a vote that kept the gambling giant in Little Rhody via a legislature-approved sweetheart deal. (Don’t even ask whether Gordo felt chastened enough to step down as House majority leader. At the State House, they don’t know the meaning of they word accountability. Ooh, excuse us, we meant shame. Nope, that’s not it, either. Responsibility? Nooo. Well, there are lots of words they don’t know the meaning of on Smith Hill, so let’s just leave it at that.)

It seems Fox had NO IDEEEAA that the firm he works for, Ferrucci Russo PC, did any work for GTECH. And GTECH’s ace in-house lawyer, who you think might know the lay of the land in Vo Dilun, had NO IDEEEAA that Ferrucci Russo PC employed Gordon Fox, perhaps the second most powerful politician in the state. Shucks, Gomer, they don’t tell me nuthin’!

The same goes for the problems concerning Senator John "My Sharona" Celona, former head of the Senate Commerce Committee, which oversees the health-care industry, and former Senate President Billy Irons. Both gentlemen voted against bills that CVS fought to defeat. This was obviously just a coincidence, even though Celona and Irons had outside deals with CVS that put more than a few bucks in their wallets.

Irons at least knew the jig was up when Celona got nailed for being paid a CVS retainer for various and sundry duties (not including influencing legislation, of course, even though his CVS contacts helped to lobby the legislature for the drug store company). Celona said he had NO IDEEEAA this was a conflict, and naturally one wouldn’t expect a man in charge of an influential Senate committee to be at all intelligent or shrewd. CVS, of course, had NO IDEEEAA that routing insurance brokerage work to Irons, a good friend of CVS head ramrod Tom Ryan, might be viewed skeptically, especially when the Senate president, the only one who seemed to recognize something was going on and promptly caught the next train from Smith Hill, voted in support of CVS’s positions. Ryan, being the busy CEO that he is, had NO IDEEEAA that any of this was going on.

But a word to the wise for Mr. Ryan, whose fundraising efforts for URI’s new sports palace ended with it being named the Ryan Center, in his honor. The Patriots will be playing the Super Bowl on February 1 in Houston. There is a baseball stadium there that used to be called Enron Field. Guess why it isn’t any called that any more?

LADIES FIRST

No one was happier than your superior correspondents about state Senator Teresa Paiva Weed’s selection as the new Senate majority leader, number two in the chamber’s pecking order behind Senate President Joe Montalbano, who championed Teresa’s cause.

P&J go way back with Teresa, and have been ardent fans and supporters of her through the years. She has always been an intelligent, guiding light in the General Assembly, which, unfortunately, has often meant that her less-than-reputable colleagues on Smith Hill avoided her. God forbid she should try to accomplish something for the public — and particularly her constituents, to whose voices she pays great heed — rather than herself. Indeed, her reputation on many social issues has led her to be someone that other solons touch base with to get the read on important bills.

It hasn’t been totally smooth sailing for Paiva Weed, either. She supported former majority leader Paul Kelly when Bill "Little Napoleon" Irons, now the former president of the Senate, challenged him. That relegated her to the backbenches in an environment where loyalty is valued and one is "punished" for being on the opposite side. But credit Montalbano, a longtime Irons compadre, who emphasized quality and intelligence over blind allegiance in promoting the ascent of the first woman to hold such a prestigious post in Little Rhody’s State House history.

We’re at your service, ma’am.

LIES, DAMN LIES

In the great tradition of Dubya Bush’s State of the Union address being used to foist falsehoods upon the American public — a la Saddam buying yellow cake/uranium from Africa in last year’s tour de farce — we offer you the chance to win valuable prizes by picking which presidential statement will ultimately prove to be Bush-shit.

We’ll choose the startling declaration that Boy George’s new budget, to be submitted in early February, "can cut the deficit in half in five years." Given that Georgie and Co. have given us the biggest deficit in US history, we find this a bit of what some would call "a flat-out howler" — as close to reality as Michael Jackson’s thought processes.

If you found what you believe to be a screaming lie in Dubya’s dog-and-pony show at the Capitol, submit your pick to: p&j@phx. com. Winners will be announced at New Year’s, 2005. Selah.

LAY OFF PINKY

In the past few weeks, your superior correspondents have noted a number of letters to the editor in the BeloJo, castigating Mark Patinkin for a front-page story in the Sunday Urinal a few weeks back that described a cancer scare he experienced. The letters scored the Big Pink One for his assumed "lack of sensitivity" in telling his story because: 1) as it turned out, the lump he discovered was not malignant; and 2) lots of other folks have faced the real thing, so his story was not such a tragedy.

The fact is that Mark’s concerns and fears were legitimate fodder for a story. There is inherent drama in this type of thing, a situation that a lot of 50something folks can identify with. We found nothing thoughtless or insensitive about his detailing of his personal experience. In fact, the story may have alerted some people to check in with their physicians more regularly.

What we do think was at work here — and the reason why some folks wrote to weigh in with a "so what" opinion — was the prominent placement of the story on page 1, above the fold. For those unsophisticated with the ways of daily newspapers, we can only say that the story’s placement was not Patinkin’s call. They have these people called "editors" who make those decisions.

We suspect that if this story had run in Mark’s usual slot on page 2 of the Sunday paper, no one would have suggested that he was being self-aggrandizing. He wasn’t, and besides, the story was legitimate and a moving piece. Mark wasn’t responsible for the placement of the story, nor for the large photo that accompanied it. It you think it was over-the-top, your gripe is with the editors at the Urinal. P&J may not be the Big Pink One’s biggest fans, but we do know that he is not an egomaniac, nor a person looking for sympathy. He writes stories about his life in such a way, he hopes, that they will resonate with other people who have had similar experiences. This was one of those and it was well done.

REFLECTIONS ON MLK, JR.

Monday, January 19, was the day set aside to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Being in our mid-50s, your superior correspondents well remember when Dr. King was among us, what he did, and what he meant to our country. Needless to say, he remains one of the 20th century’s most important heroes. But the emphasis on his legendary speech at the March on Washington in 1963, and his leadership role in the civil rights movement of the ’50s and ’60s, means that we continue to look at him through rose-colored glasses. Yes, he was an orator of great power and he led the charge to break down the despicable laws of segregation.

But many, many other things that Dr. King said and did would still be controversial today. Does one think for a minute that he would have found the war in Iraq a noble and just enterprise? Do you think he would be silent as the gap between rich and poor widens and the current administration in Washington offers tax breaks for the rich? C’mon! Dr. King would be as despised today as he was in his heyday (something the kids maybe haven’t been hipped to).

Today’s schoolchildren, who are given a slim primer on Dr. King, probably know that he won the Nobel Peace Prize, spearheaded the Montgomery bus boycott, and delivered that famous speech, but do they know how many times he was tossed in jail, or that he was stabbed in New York City? Do they know that his house was bombed, he was terrorized and threatened for most of his adult life, and was vilified by most of those in "mainstream" society? Do they know that he virulently opposed the Vietnam War, was harassed and put under surveillance by his own government, spoke out strongly against economic injustice, and was shot to death in Memphis because he was there to support striking sanitation workers?

No, the kids aren’t going to be schooled in his true legacy because it is still too radical a vision to be accepted. Dr. King is still too big a hero for this country to honor because this country still can’t honor his real vision.

RIP, PAUL SHERLOCK

We all like to complain about government here in the Biggest Little, and, in particular, the legislature. But it ain’t all bad, and underscoring that was the passing this week of one of the giants, Representative Paul Sherlock. He exemplified government at its best and most compassionate. His work to make life better for those with disabilities should not be forgotten. He was one of the better people to serve in the state legislature in recent years, and our state is a better place because of him. Thank you, Paul, for all you did for those in need.

SPALDING GRAY

Finally, our hopes and prayers are with the family and friends of Spalding Gray, a brilliant and tortured artist, who is currently missing. If you were fortunate enough to see him perform (and P&J are among the lucky ones), you know what a gifted and original artist he is. We pray for the safe return of this Vo Dilun original.

Send Super Bowl tickets and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@ phx.com.