A real man

It is bad enough that Vice President "Big Time" Cheney, a sneaky sleaze of the first order, continues to fight any disclosure about his secret energy policy meetings with his friends in Big Oil. But when it comes to being something less than a first-class patriot, it’s time, perhaps, to take a closer look at Dubya’s Veep.

Recent reports have shown that Big Time’s former firm, Halliburton, from who he still receives money, has been price-gouging the American government (read: taxpayers) for gasoline it imports from Kuwait, charging twice as much as other firms bringing fuel to Iraq. (Love those no-open-bid exclusive contracts, don’t we, Dickie?) No one should be surprised. Halliburton has always emphasized profits, showing the type of morals one can expect from Big Time and his friends.

If Cheney’s behavior wasn’t already enough to make your skin crawl, we hope you didn’t miss the story about his manly pheasant hunt at the exclusive Rolling Rock Club in Ligonier Township, Pennsylvania, on December 8. Big Time, accompanied by nine other courageous Mr. Men, shot 400 of the 500 pen-raised pheasants released especially for this band of Elmer Fudds to blow away. Cheney was reported to have brought down 70 on his own, although one suspects that the owners of the club probably tied them to stakes, so Big Time could fire away from pointblank range. Wow, some tough hombre, eh?

While local Humane Society types were appalled after the slaughter was reported in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Sid Evans, editor of the outdoor magazine Field & Stream, was a bit less outraged, saying, "I don’t see anything terribly wrong with it, but I don’t think it should be confused with hunting." Nor do Phillipe and Jorge, or many real hunters, who require a bit more of a challenge than a shooting gallery man-made for a bunch of gutless chickenhawks. Then again, reality rarely intrudes into the Bush administration’s fantasyland, where putting on a flight suit makes you a fighter pilot, and mowing down captive pheasants raised renders one Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier.

The medical term is "delusional," P&J believe. Sleep tight, America.

OUT WITH THE OLD

With 2004 just around the corner, your superior correspondents have got suggestions about a couple of bad ideas we’d like to see changed in the new year. One is a Clinton administration policy very unlikely to be changed under Dubya — the vastly stupid "don’t ask, don’t tell," dictum for our superior warriors in the military.

The news story last week in which three retired military bigwigs (Brigadier General Keith H. Kerr, Brigadier General Virgil A. Richard, and Rear Admiral — well, hey, there had to be a rear admiral — Alan M. Steinman) criticized this policy ought to tell you something. Of course, these top officers had to wait until their retirement to acknowledge that they are gay. Another retired Army officer, Tanya L. Domi, a lesbian, responded with a letter to the editor in the New York Times, in which she congratulated the retired officers for their courage. Isn’t it about time that folks in the US Armed Forces are allowed to be who they are without being punished for it?

As we said, we don’t expect anything to change while Bush is in office. His pandering to his far-right base will continue, not just because he needs it politically, but because (we think) he actually believes a lot of this foolishness. Getting rid of him in ’04 should be the first step.

Then there is a very bad, very local idea: the plan to set up a statewide tourism council dominated by Providence and Newport. With money coming in from the new hotel and restaurant tax, capital city nabobs would like to hold onto the lion’s share, along with their opposite numbers in Newport. What about the rest of the state, particularly the Blackstone Valley?

Pawtucket, where Bob Billington has done a superb job promoting local tourism, has really increased activity in this area in the past decade. Do the wonderful Dragon Boat races in that city get shafted for lack of funds? There are a lot of creative and interesting grassroots initiatives taking place in Pawtucket — and all over Vo Dilun. To basically starve these good ideas is criminal, so let’s have the state help support these many local initiatives and spread the money around fairly. Reject this power grab.

MORE INNOVATION IN THE BUCKET

Speaking of Pawtucket, Mayor Doyle continues to promote the arts. The latest word is that Herb Weiss, long the point man for that city’s arts and culture (dare we use the word?) renaissance, has been promoted to the newly created post of "economic and cultural affairs officer." Part of his job will be coordinating arts and cultural entities/activities with the economic development office and other city departments. A further boost will come with the recognition that artists are, in essence, small businesses. To underscore that, Pawtucket is also preparing for next year a city artists’ directory and resource guide.

RED FACES

Could it have been recent purchase of radio ads by the Providence Newspaper Guild — publicly humiliating the Urinal’s management and ownership — that forced the BeloJo back to the bargaining table for the first time since spring? While we bet that the Other Paper’s honchos would never admit to it, you know they had to be squirming in their seats every time they heard the recent radio spots: "You know, most newspapers cover wrongdoing in high places. But the Providence Journal is actually involved in its own scandal. Journal management has been found guilty of 27 labor law violations. Yet the paper keeps using unlawful tactics. Refusing to bargain for a fair contract. Stalling negotiations. Intimidating employees."

And no, you sure weren’t going to read about it where they make it fresh every day, because the editors refuse to print the truth — much less anything — about what has been a nasty, nearly four-year labor dispute. Thankfully, the Phoenix has been all over the story, in case anybody wants to read about what’s really going on at the ProJo.

And a tip of the beret and sombrero to Al "Absolutely" Anjos of Pride Auto and Pete Cardi of Cardi’s Furniture who, by publicly coming out in support of the Guild, criticized the Urinal for its unfair treatment of employees. It helps that both are very big — and thus very valued — advertisers with the BeloJo. Anjos chastised publisher Howard Sutton in a letter, while Cardi called Sutton back in August to offer his two cents’ worth about the Urinal’s low-rent tactics. Good on you both, and way to use the airwaves, Guildsters.

OH NO, BONO

P&J would love to know how Bono, U2’s crusading lead singer, feels after getting bent over by Dubya Bush last week. Bono sucked up to Boy George when the prez asked Congress to commit $15 billion over five years to fight AIDS in Africa and the Caribbean: "If we can turn the president’s bold long-term vision into near-term results we’re excited . . . any delay in increased funding means more lives lost and an even bigger check in the future." Our Irish friend must have been delighted when he heard how the Bushies are cutting back the first year’s appropriation to only $2 billion, with little hope for anything near $15 billion being ponied up over five years.

When love comes to town, right, Bono?

EFFIN' KEITH

Ya just gotta love our old pal Keith Richards, he who has defied death for so many years while being one of the great rock ’n’ roll guitarists of all time. (Keef turns 60 today, December 18. Believe that or not.) The real street fightin’ man said that when his old pal Mick Jagger accepted his knighthood last year, he went "fucking berserk," due in large part to the British establishment’s attempts to jail him and Mick ages ago for drug use. When confronted with the idea of him getting his own "Sir" title, Keith told the Manchester Guardian Weekly, "I don’t want to step out on stage with the coronet on. And I told Mick, ‘It’s a fucking paltry honor, anyway. If you’re into this shit, hang on for the peerage.’ "

Arise, Sir Keith, indeed.

FUN-LOVING DUMB CRIMINALS

How about those two would-be tough guys, who, trying to extract some cash they claimed to have been owed from a man, pulled a gun and a tire iron on him? After taking the man at gunpoint back to his residence on Branch Avenue, Providence, the guy with the gun realized he had dropped his bullets on the ground outside. He went back out to look for it. After being unable to locate it, he went back inside and asked the guy with the crowbar to come outside and help look for it. Needless to say, the cops responded to a call from victim and arrested the alleged criminals. We don’t think we’ll be seeing these two geniuses at any award ceremonies in Stockholm in the near future.

KUDOS AND CONGRATS . . .

. . to the six local arts groups awarded grants by the National Endowment for the Arts this week. Not surprisingly, Trinity Rep, the Rhode Island School of Design, Perishable Theatre, Everett Dance Theatre, the Providence Black Repertory Company, and the Providence-based Alliance for Artists Communities all received money to pursue specific projects. Good for them and good for us.

Send art supplies and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com .