A.G. M.I.A. . . .

M-o-u-s-e.

Yep, Mouseketeers, the office of Attorney General Patrick Lynch is getting a very Mickey Mouse reputation during Pawtucket Pat’s first term in office. First, we had the awful advice offered to Governor Don "The Don" Carcieri about serving the warrant on the Narragansetts’ smoke shop, which turned into a huge embarrassment for all of Rhode Island.

Now, we learn that the AG is taking a pass on pursuing charges against state Representative Rene Menard, the House majority whip, and fellow Representative Todd Brien, a Woon-sock-et cop, for the expungement of the name of a nearby school committee member who got popped for soliciting hookers, along with a bunch of other gents whose names were not blacked out when the press came calling. Menard’s call to Brien on behalf of the official was unethical, yet Patrick’s playing ostrich while the state Ethics Commission looks the other way as to any impropriety in this blatant finagling with police records.

Boy, we sure have some crusaders for justice running the show around here, don’t we, folks?

No prosecution of Rene Menard or Todd Brien — Patrick Lynch getting worse every day.

SOMEONE ELSE MAKES IT FRESH EVERY DAY

Nice work by the Urinal’s business section — John "Boy Scout" Kostrzewa, proprietor — which lost a scoop to the New York Times on Providence Equity Partners, the growing buyout powerhouse. The Times did a Sunday business-front story on Providence Equity a few weeks ago. Not wanting to be seen as totally clueless, the BeloJo featured a reprint of the Times’ piece on its own business front page on September 28. Nice work, guys — why do the legwork in your own backyard when someone else will?

FREEDOM RIDERS

If you have a sense of history or happened (as is the case with oldsters P&J) to have been around at the time, you know what the phrase "freedom riders" means. In the early 1960s, freedom riders were those courageous individuals who boarded buses to test the new federal laws banning racial segregation in interstate transportation. More often than not, they were met at bus stations throughout the segregated South by bat-wielding, violent crowds. People were beaten, blood was spilled, people died. We commend Taylor Branch’s great Parting the Waters: America In the King Years, 1954-63, to help younger readers understand how important these people remain in the ongoing battle for civil rights for all. Bernard Lafayette, who, we are proud to say, now works at the University of Rhode Island, and Representative John Lewis of Georgia, were among these heroes.

That there is a new group of Freedom Riders should not surprise those who have been following the news. A busload of Immigrant Worker Freedom Riders, whose journey began in Boston, arrived on the front steps of City Hall in Our Little Towne on Monday, September 29. They were greeted by Providence City Councilmen Miguel Luna and Luis Aponte, state Senator Juan Pichardo, and Cranston City Councilman Allan Fung. Their quest is calling attention to the plight of the nation’s estimated 8 million to 9 million undocumented immigrants, who, while paying taxes and doing the work that many native-born Americans are loath to do, have no voting rights and less official standing. More than 500 Vo Dilunduhs are expected to join them for a rally in Washington on October 4.

While US immigration policy is certainly in need of retooling, the Bush administration’s policy of just heaving everyone out, with nary a look at the individual merits, is rash and wrong. We might consider Exhibit A to be Mr. Boutros, the Exeter pizza shop owner who faces real danger if he is returned to Syria.

Luna and Aponte are supporting a bill being introduced by Pichardo to allow immigrants access to driver’s licenses, which will boost safety and give immigrants the opportunity to reinvest money in the economy by opening bank accounts and establishing credit. This is in the best American tradition. President Bush & company talk a good game, but let’s see them embrace American values. Either that or let’s sandblast those words from the Statue of Liberty.

CAN YOU SAY 'POLICE STATE'?

Was anyone surprised to see the front-page story in Sunday’s New York Times about how the Bush Administration has been using the so-called USA Patriot Act in a variety of investigations that have nothing to do with terrorist threats? Isn’t this just what civil libertarians predicted when this ill-conceived package to whittle down constitutional freedoms was rushed through Congress?

As Elliot Mincberg, legal director for the People for the American Way, said, "What the Justice Department has really done is to get things put into the law that have been on prosecutors’ wish lists for years. They’ve used terrorism as a guise to expand law enforcement powers in areas totally unrelated to terrorism."

By secretly invoking intelligence powers to pursue a broad range of activities, conducting surveillance and demanding access to records that would have previously been way out of bounds, Ashcroft’s Justice Department is making mincemeat of the Constitution. But you don’t need us to tell you that. Next time you’re looking to curl up with a good book before going to bed, call the FBI instead of amazon.com for suggestions. We’ll bet they have a more complete list of what you’ve been reading for the past few years than anyone else.

UNFIT TO SERVE

Watching the Dubya’s hideous national security advisor, Condoleezza Rice, on Meet the Press on September 28 was enough to turn your stomach. No, not just Queen Lotsateetha’s 1950s Ebony magazine hairstyle, but the ability to lie and twist the truth in full view of the American public. Does this woman have a truthful or moral bone in her body?

Perhaps the most amazing whopper to come out of Condi’s mouth was her explanation of how the famed, patently false reference to Iraq buying "yellow cake" in Niger got into Dubya the Dumb’s State of the Union speech. This despite being yanked out of a speech in Cincinnati a few months earlier after CIA chief spook George Tenet told them it was essentially BS. "I didn’t remember" the warning, Queen Lotsateetha said, about how it slipped by her.

Well, if someone responsible for vetting the most important annual address given by the president to the country is too stupid to remember being told that such an important claim was bullshit, she’s incompetent, and unfit to serve in her job. So when Rummy and Wolfie get run out of office for their bungling in Iraq, Afghanistan, and all over the world, make sure they take the prevaricating Ms. Rice along for the ride.

Get them out and bring them home.

HASTA LA VISTA, CALIFORNIA

P&J want you to know there’s no truth to the rumor that Little Joe, the 11-year-old, 300-pound gorilla who escaped from Massachusetts’ Franklin Park Zoo for a couple of hours on Sunday evening, was hoping to board a Greyhound to California to cast a recall ballot for Arnold Schwarzenegger. This doesn’t mean, however, that there aren’t many others of Little Joe’s ilk (if not his species) ready and willing to pop the chad for the Big Guy.

With Bustamante sliding in the polls and McClintock stuck in the low double digits, it looks like the gubernatorial race will amount to this: is the dislike for Gray Davis greater than the (well-placed) concern that Ahh-nold doesn’t know what he’s doing? Our guess is antipathy for the Gray one out-points fear of the "Governator," and that Mr. Schwarzenegger will soon find himself in Sacramento, heir to the legacy of Minnesota’s Jesse Ventura. In other words, a laff-riot administration that will surely entertain.

But your superior correspondents have been saying for years that politics (like television news) is merely a sub-set of the entertainment business. No one should be shocked to see professional entertainers eager to run for elective office. There’d be a lot more of it if successful entertainers didn’t make a whole lot more ’scarole than senators, governors, and congressmen. So you’ve got to wait until they’re on the downslide (Jesse couldn’t wrestle forever; Fred "Gopher" Grandy knew that The Love Boat was not about to return to network television, and Arnold can see the writing on the wall after his last half-dozen or so disappointing features). While Vo Dilun is not a major show biz player, we do have hopes that someone like Don Knotts or one of the Brady Bunch kids will pack up, move here to establish residency, and run for high office. We don’t know about you, but P&J would be proud to cast our votes for Suzanne Somers as our state’s ThighMaster General.

WHAT, NO ENTENMANN'S?

Your superior correspondents received a missive from another of our old and best friends in the Big Apple, the lovely Ms. Meg, who writes about a front-page story appearing in the September 24 edition of the New York Times:

"Wanted to make absolutely certain that you knew the following about the first Islamic Air Force translator charged with espionage at Guantanamo: ‘The accusations contained in the six-page charge sheet . . . include wrongfully taking photographs of the camp sites, transferring classified information to an unclassified computer and unlawfully delivering baklava to detainees [emphasis added]. . .’ "

No doubt this is how our flyboy friend at Camp X-Ray was caught, since it’s obvious one of the prisoners ratted him out for not bringing them a Danish, or even a bagel with a schmeer. Boy, today’s military is really slipping.

ADIOS

Thanks for the memories, Robert Palmer, George Plimpton, and Althea Gibson — especially the latter for her truly groundbreaking career and being a model for so many other young black athletes. Ought to be quite an eclectic scene when these three arrive at the Heavenly Gates.

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