A sorry state

Word to Governor Don "The Don" Carcieri: You messed up, big time, with the Narragansett Indians.

Despite his high dudgeon at a Monday news conference, sending in state troopers to close the tax-free smoke shop opened by the Narragansetts was heavy-handed and uncalled for. And to then say that tribal members shouldn’t have "confronted" the staties — when it was obvious from TV footage that the officers were doing a bit of storm trooping in their approach of Narragansetts and the establishment — is just flat-out wrong. Nor can one give any credit to the Narragansetts for showing much rational behavior once the matter escalated. (Another word to The Don: We are not swallowing the "Oh, I forgot. I told the authorities, ‘If any resistance was encountered, the state police were to withdraw.’ Yeah, that’s the ticket." If you had said that, it sure wouldn’t have slipped your mind during your first press conference immediately after the incident. We haven’t seen backpedaling like that since Ginger Rogers and, of course, she did it in high heels.)

This high-handed action was a horrible thing for the State of Rhode Island, whose national reputation, one would think, "The Don" is a bit concerned with. Unless you consider the image of a state police German shepherd biting tribe member Hiawatha Brown as he was pinned, stomach-down on the ground, something that we want to use on our tourism brochures. Likewise, women getting mauled by the troopers, although the tribe members involved indicated they were into gender equity when they were shown slamming a female trooper’s arm in the smoke shop door.

There was a way to avoid this — and "The Don" and Attorney General Patrick Lynch know this as well as anyone — and that is in federal court, where they knew this was going to wind up, most likely this week. Was the lack of taxes that might have been lost by allowing the smoke shop to remain open for a few more few days worth a black eye for the state? And scenes that Narragansett Chief Sachem Matthew Thomas rightly described as reminiscent of the clashes between police and blacks during America’s civil rights movement in the 1950s and ’60s?

P&J watched this ugliness unfold on the evening news with a number of ex-state troopers. While there is little love lost between certain members of the tribe and the troopers because of confrontations over the years, even these men believe the proper way to close the smoke shop was to have put a US marshal, who has federal authority, in charge. But we guess the Guv has been watching too many of his blustering fellow GOP honchos, like Dubya Bush, Big Time Cheney, and Rummy Rumsfeld, flex their muscles far from the scenes of actual battle.

TV and local photogs have already presented a damning and embarrassing portrait of the state’s leadership and authorities, so that horse is out of the barn, and we have a long way to go to rectify it. (Note to Urinal reporters Katie Mulvaney and Paul Davis: As a photo accompanying your story made quite evident, although Matthew Thomas "wore two flesh-colored bandages on his left hand [at a news conference] after the scuffle," they certainly weren’t flesh-colored for Narragansett Indians. Maybe this is why tribe members are a bit thin-skinned about their perceived treatment by the white man with forked tongue and two slots operations, but no casino.)

Now that this regrettable incident has occurred, Phillipe & Jorge can only imagine how every Indian-related organization, including those deep-pocket casinos, will be providing money to the Narragansetts once the court battles begin. The photo of Hiawatha Brown being gnawed on by the German shepherd might also be worth some healthy donations from any and all minority groups who have ever felt persecuted by the powers that be. Be prepared to spend a great deal of the taxpayers’ time and money fighting this, Messrs. Carcieri and Lynch. Good fiscal decision.

A final bit of ironic humor from the incident did find its way to P&J. A policeman of our acquaintance who was on hand at this travesty said that when he returned home and was changing out of his uniform, he noticed he had on . . . (wait for it) . . . a Mohegan Sun T-shirt.

Further evidence

In last week’s Cool, Cool World, your superior correspondents were musing about the losing position taken by those social reactionaries determined to deny LGBT folks from full rights and citizenship. Here’s a little further evidence to suggest that the tide has already turned in our favor.

Exhibit A: All the recent articles in newspapers around the country about such topics as the androgynous style of British soccer god David Beckham, the emerging term "metro-sexual" (meaning straight men who have appropriated grooming products and other elements of gay male style), and the new Bravo series, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The latter features a team of five fashionable gay men helping what appear to be hopeless straight guys acquire a sense of style by performing a makeover on their apartments, clothes, and personal appearance.

In Sunday’s Arts & Leisure section of the New York Times, writer John Sellers received an abbreviated version of the "Queer Eye" makeover. The author deemed himself quite pleased with the results.

And what about the fact that the number one movie in the country last week was Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl? Judging from the trailers on television, the primary draw of what appears to be a fairly standard swashbuckler is the performance by the always-interesting (not to mention way cute) Johnny Depp. Heretofore, the only pirates P&J really dug were Willie Stargell and Roberto Clemente. Okay, we’re old enough to remember Bill Mazeroski’s dramatic home run in the 1960 World Series, so we have to add him to the list.

But Johnny-boy has apparently given us a pirate anti-hero who appears to be an impersonation of Robert Newton (Long John Silver in Disney’s 1950’s Treasure Island) channeling Paul Lynde, with a little Keith Richards thrown in for good measure. Swish on, Johnny.

Star turns

A while back, P&J had a chat with Alexander Wolff, a senior writer at Sports Illustrated, while he was at a seminar at the International Institute for Sport at URI. He was saying that SI execs were concerned about the new ESPN magazine making inroads into their readership. We told him how, in our view, the ESPN rag is virtually unreadable due to its supposedly "hip" use of 100-plus fonts, horrible overall graphics, and juvenile articles and columns. Nonetheless, it was worrisome to SI.

They needn’t fret.

Last week, SI showed it is still the 800-pound gorilla of sports journalism, kicking off its 50th anniversary in style, and choosing Newport — naming the City by the Sea as the mag’s top sports town in Little Rhody — as the site for the debut of the anniversary tour’s interactive exhibit for children of all ages. On top of that, it featured Rhode Island in its celebratory 50th anniversary, choosing the Ocean State to lead off a series of 50 issues in which a different state will be highlighted. The overwhelmingly positive, powerful, and prideful response to these designations shows the prestige that SI carries not just locally, but nationally, and you can bet other states are itching to get their turn to show off their wares. ESPN magazine couldn’t hold a candle to that kind of public appeal.

In the 50th anniversary ish, Wolff writes much about Newport, its sailing and sports features, such as the International Tennis Hall of Fame and its recent grass court tournament. The special Rhode Island section also features East Providence High School athlete Jaime Silva and his wonderful work with developmentally disabled youth, and the results of a poll of local residents. The latter was intriguing enough to fire up Jim Donaldson of the Urinal to examine the numbers, like Charlie Cook analyzing presidential primary figures.

But the high point of the issue was a wonderful piece by P&J’s old pal Peter Farrelly, the Cumberland native who, with his brother Bobby, has directed and/or produced such recent blockbuster hits as Dumb and Dumber and Me, Myself and Irene, both of which included some filming in the Biggest Little. The story is called "Me and Ernie D," so you don’t have to guess real hard about the theme, but it also includes a reference to the Phoenix’s own Rudy Cheeks, who lives not a million miles from Casa Diablo and brushes Jorge’s teeth every morning: "The great Rhode Island humorist Rudy Cheeks once observed that old songs have a way of transporting us back to a specific place and time in our lives, but old television shows don’t. For instance, you’ll never be watching a rerun of Barnaby Jones and get to wondering what happened to Mary Ellen from high school." We assume Rudy’s check is in the mail to Mr. Farrelly.

So scamper down to your local newsstand ASAP before the next issue of SI knocks this beauty off the racks — it’s a classic keeper for all Vo Dilunduhs. And Alexander, tell the boys in the SI front offices to kick back. You’re still Number One, and we can’t even see number two from where they’re sitting.

Obit section

P&J feel compelled to note the passing of a number of cultural VIPs in the past week and a half. Of course, Katharine Hepburn was no ordinary actress. Her truest impact on our world seems to have more to do with the tenacious and uncompromising way that she lived her life, rather than a gallery of memorable film and stage performances. That was a real bravura performance.

And while P&J see ourselves as more Federal Hillbillies than Beverly Hillbillies we’ve got a definite soft spot for Buddy Ebsen. He brought dignity to the role of Jed Clampett, despite the fact that the character was meant to be a fairly stereotypical "noble savage" type. This was foreshadowed by Ebsen’s work as Georgie Russell in the wildly successful Disney television adventures of Davy Crockett back in the 1950s. Another simple man with great dignity. Buddy was also one hell of a hoofer (see Captain January).

Meanwhile, one of the true giants of jazz, the alto saxophonist, composer, and band leader Benny Carter also passed away this week. He created vital and exquisite music for decades, a consummate professional.

Happily, each of these folks lived into their 90s. As we mourn their passing, we celebrate their long lives of achievement.

Finally, we couldn’t neglect to mention another man who, while not a household name, may have had a bigger influence on our lives than Hepburn, Ebsen, and Carter. Arnold Nawrocki died on June 30 at age 78 in Sun City, Arizona. He created the first viable system for selling individually wrapped slices of processed cheese. While working at the Clearfield Cheese Company in Pennsylvania, Nawrocki was working with wax paper. He soon realized that by using cellophane, he could seal the individual slices to keep oxygen out, thus extending the shelf life of processed cheese from about a week to more than six months. A tip of the sombrero to Arnold Nawrocki, processed cheese pioneer.

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